Starving Game

I was anorexic from late eighth grade until my senior year of high school. I used to black out in the shower, black out in class, black out in my boyfriend’s hot tub, and once I blacked out in front of my parents in LAX. My step-dad was the only one who said anything about it, so I don’t know if everyone else just didn’t notice or if they were too nervous to ask me if I had an eating disorder. Regardless, I’ve been pretty healthy since I graduated in 2009. I don’t eat fast food or drink soda and try to eat minimally processed foods and organic produce. But earlier this month I just stopped eating for a couple weeks. I’d eat yogurt for breakfast or have a piece of fruit, but no real meals. The weird part was that I didn’t get hungry at all. I could see my midsection shrinking in the mirror. It made me realize that I could probably go from being a size 12 back to an 8. It’d be so easy because I wouldn’t get hungry if I stayed hydrated and only ate at certain intervals. I don’t know how long it would take, though. Maybe a couple months? I’m pretty active. And the friend I live with is so self-absorbed that she wouldn’t notice. I think the only thing holding me back is the fear of passing out while driving, because I’m always on the road. Still… it would be so easy.

3 thoughts on “Starving Game

  1. I’m not as deep into anorexia as you’ve been, but it’s become a part of my life within the last several months.

    I know you wanna be healthy, and I know how strong the urge to be skinnier is. I’m sure you look amazing just the way you are, but I also know that it’s hard to stop once you start getting back into anorexic habit again. I think it might be best to see a therapist asap so you can stop before things really, really start back up again.

    However, if you choose not to (and many, many don’t seek help), at least be careful. Not eating for days is dangerous. Not eating for a week is extremely dangerous.

    I take in about 500 calories every day. It’s enough to keep me feeling okay and feel like I won’t pass out. At the very least, please find a calorie intake level that’ll keep you from blacking out until you can get help (or convince yourself to get help, because I know it’s REALLY hard to do). If you get safer habits even while practicing anorexic habits, you might be able to build up your health and help yourself decide to seek treatment. I for one would MUCH rather have you alive and healthy than have you as a living skeleton that could be on the verge of death. *hugs*

  2. Dear Friend,

    You’ve made great progress in the past but try not to mess it up by playing games with your health. Anorexia kills a number of people in the U.S. every year. No one wants you to be one of them. Now, are you still working with a doctor and therapist? If not, get back into to treatment and work at further stabilizing your health and life. Take care of yourself and let us know how you’re doing. Never play games with your life.

  3. I’m sorry to hear you feel this way all I want to say is don’t do something that can harm you or others it is more important to be healthy than skinny

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