A sign!
Posted by Daisy in Weird on May 3rd, 2009 | 11 commentsToday, I realized that maybe faking being happy for so long has actually helped me. It used to piss me off when people called me sunshiney hippie girl because I was seething on the inside, and nobody knew. Today, though, today was different. I lost my razor so I used the only thing I could find. As it took me 10 minutes to saw a nice deep cut into my arm, I looked at the blood running into the sink and then back at the dull, rusty scissors I did it with. And then I paused for a second… and laughed because I realized that, damnit, it would be just my luck to get tetanus from a decade old safety scissors. Ya, I know. Its horrible. Its disgustingly morbid yet I laughed. And thats how I know I can stop.
11 Responses to “ “A sign!”
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Pretty cool. Good luck beautiful.
WTF do you mean by “Pretty cool”? :(
I totally know what its like.
I pretend to be happy every day
nobody knows the pain I feel.
you should get tested for tetanus….just in case. Seek professional help would be nice too.
You’re a moron. “nobody knows the pain I feel.” Yeah, you’re all unique little snowflakes, just like everyone else. Quit inventing pain for yourselves so you can feel special. You don’t know pain.
hey. This is the same girl that posted this a while back. I stumbled upon it again and thought I would update even though nobody probably cares. Shortly after it was posted, I met a great guy who had struggled with self harm himself. I quit, but ended up going to counseling anyway after someone saw the scars. I’m doing a million times better, but only now do I realize the full effect that it had on other people. Last Saturday, while drunk, a friend admittd to me that she had always known and that she was hurt that I never told her. She said that she went along with my lies because she thought I would eventually open up to her. She confessed that she almost went to the counseler because she was scared that I would accidentaly kill myself. As her best friend, I was completely shocked. She has always been so strong. It was part of the reason I didn’t tell her. I didn’t want her to judge me. She came from a crappy background and I knew she dealt with things worse than I did. But to see her crying because she was worried about me before hurt a lot. You may not think this sort of thing affects other people, but it really does. I never meant to do that to her. So please don’t. You dont know what you are getting yourself into. Even if you think nobody cares, you may be wrong. I know I was.
Wow, I’m so glad your doing better. :)
Omg, you really need to get some f***ing help, This is not the answer.
I was a “cutter” or whatever you want to call it until from 12-15 daily pretty much, I am 29 now and have lived with the scars my whole adult life, I quit cold turkey at 15. recently when I was 28 I slashed a little cut in my wrist with a car key, I now have a new little scar from this, my husband saw the cut when it first happened and I was on the phone with him when I did it… we were fighting I was feeling unheard. my advise to anyone with this problem is stop immediately, if you want maybe verbally abusing yourself will help tell yourself you are pathetic and weak if you can’t stop and try to channel you masochism in healthier ways like running or lifting weights.. most of the time I am able to get all this anger and self loathing out at the gym. my story is to say this urge may always be in you even if you think its gone so try to have an option other than the knife… like a pair of running should and an ipod. I have run so much in my life, that sometime I ran so far that I could walk for a week after, but it is better than cutting myself, and much more socially acceptable.
you have a sign of self loathing.
no matter how good you may look on the inside.
answer true or false: you were sexually molested as a child.
therapy will cure you but takes a looong time.
Seething inside? They make pills for that.
hehe, yeah I know how you feel. Drugs and alcohol covered it up for a long time for me. But I still hated myself. I still hate myself, but its a condition and nothing more.
I deal with it daily and it is a battle. A HARD battle. But now that i talked to somebody who helped me understand it I can control it better. You must be aware of it. Then you can control it without self destructing.
But like I said, it wont go away. It will never go away. We are just wired this way and we need to deal with it. Without drugs, booze, self destruction, or destrution of others.
Good luck.