Why the hell did we get married?

Before my husband became my husband-he was ******* my mom. I was actually really glad she had met him cause she seemed younger and happier. As a matter of fact, when I first met him I thought he looked like a douche, was so not my type, and made fun of him-but was still happy for my mom. Didnt really talk to him. One day you asked me why I never came out of my room when you were working-alcohol has clouded my memories-but to make a long story short we ended up wrestling and talking and drinking and all of a sudden all we wanted to do to each other was ****. Fast forward eight years later, and we are married witha beautiful wonderful baby. Sex sucks for the both of us-I feel like a disposavble hole with no emotional connection, and I hate that you are an alcoholic. Plus you are a bigamist-even though after we got married you then got divorced from 2nd wife. I have thought about leaving you many times-but we never have enough money to make it feasible or you try to make up by indulging my materialistic desires. I want you to know I am horny-not frigid (like I am with you), I use the things you bought and that I refuse to use with you-to pleasure myself in secret. We could be good for each other if we both learned how to be partners-however-it seems that is a pipedream that will never happen. When will I have an answer for myself which will lead to action-I am tired of waiting for one and want to change for the better.