When I hate my husband I really hate him, but when I love him, I really really love him
Posted by Anonymous in Spouse on May 26th, 2010 | 12 commentsDoes that make any sense? My husband and I can get along so amazingly well, and I will think about him all day and look forward to him coming home after work so we can spend time together. I will think about him and hope he doesnt get hurt or in an accident or that he doesnt have a bad day at work, but when we are fighting, I really hate his guts. I will wish he would crash and get hurt, possibly die. I will wish he would feel the pain he has caused me from his cheating or past abuse. I will rememeber all the terrible things he has done to me and how I feel out family is not stable because of him. But how could you feel this way or wish such terrible things of someone if you really loved them? Is this normal?
Im a stay at home mom and I love my children and want them to succeed in life, but lately I am so miserable. AND I blame being miserable on HIM(my husband). I never have anytime to myself! I have 3 kids. twin boys(3) and a girl(6). I dont dislike being a stay at home mom, BUT I dislike the fact that I have given all of myself to everyone else…….and there is none left for me. My husband isn’t as helpful as I would like. If he has a bad day he comes home and is moody and will get on his Motorcyle and go out. But I would never do that, I would never walk out the door as he walked in. Sometimes I think I give to much of myself to everyone, im always worried about offending someone. ahhhhhhh, I am so frustrated. I have so much to say but nobody to listen. Im angry, depressed, lonely, resentful, bored, disappointed and sad.
12 Responses to “ “When I hate my husband I really hate him, but when I love him, I really really love him”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
Maybe you need to just walk out and go spend some time for yourself. It will never stop you know, them thinking you have no life except the life you give to them. And they don’t care that you give up everything. For some reason they will think that you enjoy it and that its your duty to take care of them. Do something about it now before it is to late and you are drowning in their wants and needs and can’t swim to safety. Take control. Trust me, I know what you are speaking about. I now have adult children who still can not take care of themselves or their children and expect me to do it. I am still trying to swim to safety. I am starting to speak up for myself and telling them no. Do it now before you have adult children and their children up ur *&&.
It’s a very thin line between love and hate.
You need to be waiting at the door when he comes home and as soon as he walks in the door say I am going out I need a break and go. If he can do it so can you. You have to make time for yourself or you will never be happy. Maybe that will wake him up to the fact there is a problem and he needs to man up and help out.
wait at door holding a cup of tea.
when will women learn.
if you are miserable just tell him so and that you need more help raising kids.
what is more tiring than listening to someone lie to you when telling the truth would have been easier and more natural?
I feel the exact same way as you. Actually I just googled my feelings and this site came up since you had written all of them down! Girl, I think what you and I need to do is just literally get a life besides our husband and children. Because when the kids are driving us crazy and we HATE our husband not having anything else to go to gives us no hope. Even if you don’t think you have any other interests, start developing one. That is what I am thinking of doing. Going back to school or starting a small business of my own or joining a book club or something. Also find your favorite place around town and just tell your husband when he gets home “I NEED A BREAK!!!!” and walk out the door and go to that place and just sit there. You can people watch or read a book or just think about nothing. But a guarantee you that it will give your mind the free, creative space it needs to come up with the solution and fresh perspective that is required to life your life. You are working so hard!!! Also have faith that this phase with young kids (3 year old twins – GOOD GOD!!! – no wonder you hate your husband sometimes, that is so much work for you) will pass and since you at least love your hubby sometimes (trust me, some people HATE their spouses EVERY MOMENT, like my grandparents) that the seed of love is still alive even if the plant isn’t always flowering!! lol
I am with you girl, sending out a prayer for you. I am a real person on the other end of this computer in practically the same situation.
Best of luck darling, and really you must take a break for yourself physically and mentally
God bless
I am in a situation with my partner where I asked him to leave as his constant complaining and criticising and treating me disrespectfully was wearing me down and affecting my children through my depressed state. However, I still love him, and know he still loves me. He is now renting a place of his own, and we are hoping that we can start to ‘date’ again.
I believe that the reason I can love and hate him is because the hate stems from me not liking what he is trying to show me on a much deeper, subtle level. I believe that since he’s left I can see that my self-worth, which had improved hugely before he and I got together, was dropping again, as I was starting to define it in terms of him and his thoughts about me and the world. I have had many hours over the last few weeks to look hard at what I actually want to achieve, and there are things that I had put on hold when we moved in together. Now I can start to focus on those things again.
I also believe then that we will be able to gently start our relationship again, but I need to keep a tight rein on myself that I stay very aware of when I am allowing myself to be hurt by his words or actions and making sure that I keep my self-worth and value and happiness at levels that I alone can sustain and not allow myself to be drawn down by him. If I do so, I need to immediately draw back again until I can emotionally stand on my own two feet.
He also suffers from depression, and this has reached high levels through work and home situations. But he will not accept help with this, and I think that that is another thing that I need to keep in mind, that until he gets help in one form or another, I will also need to be very wary of how much emotion I invest in our relationship again.
I hope your situation is improving.
i understand this. idk if he cheated but we were distant first few yrs of marriage but have been together over a decade. we have a son just turned 4 also. as a sahm i understand the need to want to get a break sometimes and husbands dont seem to understand because you are with your children day in and day out every second of your day it can be insane. the only way to regain your perspective is to step out once in awhile. i signed up for a class at our community college which will still go towards my goals of getting a bachelors degree in the future, still keep your dreams alive. we make so many sacrifices in our selves, in our lives, for the greater good. hence a marriage a commitment you try to work those things out. im learning communication is key, and if you have a hard time doing it alone then seek professional help for the both of you if not just for yourself. i wish you best of luck as well, i am in the same boat with you and still searching myself. so you are not alone in this at least.
Please consider getting on Zoloft and Xanas. It saved me.
You spoke words from my heart which i hesitated to tell anybody. After reading the followups i convinced myself that many depressed womens are sailing on the same boat. But my husband always says that you r the only girl getting all this stupid thoughts and parentalissues. He never believes in our hormonal issues also. i am fed up with him.i have the same thoughts and likes as you that he must get badly hurt or die. whenever i hate him like anything, i overcome my anger by breaking something or destroying any of his favourite things (but not in front of him.We have to create a small world for us filled with our own wishes and desires’ that’s the only solution and i am up to it.Of course we love our family but we can’t keep sacrificing everything right.
I wish you also come out of your stress soon and do go out for a walk or shopping or do whatever u like giving up the kids to your hubby sometimes. All the best friend. “TAKE A BREAK”
I know how you feel, I hate my husband so much at times. I cry that I am stuck with this miserable *******. He is a drunk, and he is worthless. Yet here I am I have no excuse. I have left him 3 times and here I am hoping he chokes on his beer. It is difficult, you probably are like me and have no clue how to be alone. I have no real advice, I just sympathesize for us both. I wish you the best!!
I am sooooo depressed, yesterday was my husbands birthday and me and the kids decorated for him and bought him things he didn’t even want to blow out the candles on the cake I was so angry because our feelings were hurt and he didn’t seem to give a fart. He stated that it was just another day to him, but other days he has said that he wanted this cake and this for his birthday …etc.. he turned 48 is there such a thing as a man going through a age crisis. I love my husband but I can’t continue to put up with his meaness if there is no help for it. I haven’t spoken to him since this incident I feel so sorry for my kids they look so sad because of how he acts.. I have in my right mind to call it quits and leave but have no were to go we have been married for 15years and 6 kids this is my home…signed I really need a honest friend to talk to. :)
My husband is doing similar things – he would be asking for a special kind of food, I cook it for him and he would not even touch it, or would say that he expected it to be different. I first thought it was my cooking, so I called my best friend and asked her to try it – she could not stop eating it, so it wasn’t that. I am starting to doubt myself and everything that I am doing. I am very frustrated, insecure and all his criticism makes me very sad.