What to do ???
Posted by Anonymous in Spouse on Dec 26th, 2009 | 8 commentsI’m a married 41 yr old guy who seems to be with the wrong woman and have known this for years. she has become a drunk and has no care for the household and our daughter who has lost all respect for her as well. She has made our home a very depressing place to be. I have found myself seeking other women/girlfriend just to feel that warmth of a women again. Our daughter doesn’t want to live there anylonger if she is here. And I seem to stay away more at our lake place just to be away from that seen but hate to be without my daughter. I guess what i’m wondering it must be time to end this terrible marriage. I belive at the first of the year i’ll ask her to leave this house so my daughter and i can live in a better enviorment with less stress. She’ll probably pull the suicide card out again like she tried a couple of years ago with my daughter there. More drama !!! I wish she would just disappear so I and my daughter can move on and I can find someone to love while i still have a little youth left in me. Any thoughts or advice is welcome.
8 Responses to “ “What to do ???”
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I have a similar problem…Except my wife has M.S. and has been in a wheelchair for years…I am basically her caregiver now. We have 2 Daughters who are trying to cope…I don’t have a place away that I can go either… I’m getting help so I can cope… M.S. Sucks in more ways than one…Good Luck to us…we need it!
This is a hard situation not just for you, but your daughter as well. Leaving your wife would mean a normal life for you and your daughter. I was raised in a violent home, drama was an everday thing. Therefore have the courage to leave… even though she tell you she’ll kill herself. My father didn’t when mom left with me. Maybe that’s the kick she needs to get help? who know. it helped my father.
I have been the woman in a relationship that is just like yours, and I am in the same boat. I did have an affair for three years with a married man (that went back to his wife for his children) I truly loved him and the way he made me feel. I am married too and trying to figure things out….. like why I am unhappy and what it is exactly that I am looking for in my life. I guess why I am writing to you is to tell you that you need to get yourself together and get out of your relationship BEFORE you decide to let another woman into your life. Because you may find the most wonderful person and the totally RIGHT person for you and find yourself in a bind where you cant get out….. just take things day by day….
Please write to Dear Abby not here?
Please don’t entertain fools thanks!
Fella, it has long been time for you to end that marriage. I know it must be hard to walk away, but from an outsider’s point-of-view, it’s an obvious decision.
As for the gentleman who’s wife has MS. You’re in a tough situation, but you need to hang in there! There will come a day when your wife will get better, or, sadly, pass on, but when that time comes, I will be proud to be of the same brotherhood as you.
I will raise a pint for both of you.
There’s more to your wife’s seemingly dispondent behavior, she could be in pain or worse depressed.
Take the time and really listen to what you’re saying:
“…(I) wish she would just disappear so (I) and (my) daughter can move on and (I) can find someone to love while (i) still have a little youth left in (me)…”
Maybe this is too difficult but why not try loving her and purposefully pour some kindeness on her throughout the year and make her feel special again. Then, over time, watch her start to blossom to her and your amasement.
This might help erase those suicidal thoughts from your wife’s mind. God forbid your wife should take her life because of some deep hidden depression or worse, your wife’s depression becomes your daughter’s at the lost of her mother…think about that before you think of yourself so much.
This from a 30 something married with children guy like yourself.
sorry but I have to disagree.
make her feel special?
That would be like rewarding her for her behavior.
your ide is akin to enabling her to continue distroying herself abd the family.
I think he should get his wife to seek help from alanon or alchoholics anon. and support her in that way OR leave her for the sake and safety of their daughter.
She is depressed. Make her go to work and you clean house.