Verbal Abuse
Posted by It is what it is. in Spouse on Mar 20th, 2011 | 11 commentsThe person I am married to is not the same man that people see out in public. I wish he was, he treats the neighbors, his customers, his sales reps, and any female or wife of a friend like they are royality. But in private he has a very different personality. He told me the other night when he was yelling at me for something I did not do correctly the I was lucky he hadn’t already left me
He treats and talks to me like I am a four year old.
I stand at my fathers gravesite every week and beg him with all the strength that is left in me to save me.
You play the cards you are dealt in life, I am requesting a re-deal, only this time he isn’t one of the cards I get.
11 Responses to “ “Verbal Abuse”
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If he’s causing you this much pain, you should leave him- you worth more and deserve better! It seems like he likes to have a dominant role in relationships, he’s power hungry, so I doubt he’ll leave you because he likes the way it’s going. Leave him- no one deserves to be treated that way!! Stay strong<3
Prayer does nothing. Actually going forth with ACTION like leaving your husband will bring about change. And most assuredly for the better – Like Jackie said, he has obvious power-issues.
I hope you don’t have kids yet. Leaving when you have kids is 100 times harder… and if you think he’s a jerk to you, wait until you see what he does to his kids.
Get out now. You’re not his wife, you’re his dog. And he intends to train you like one.
People don`t really change drastically or quickly. Just to give you an example, my mom was in a similar situation with my dad. Many years went by and my dad eventually saw that no matter what he said or did, my mom had always been patient because she wanted the best for her children. She shifted her focus on her children and was very loving toward us. Love has the great ability to grow exponentially and to help others love. My dad is now much more reasonable mainly because my mom has never given up. He still has a temper, but the relationship evolved. My mom now has grown kids who support her and are thankful for all the love she gave. If you haven`t left your husband so far, it must be because it is a hard decision for you, or perhaps your situation makes it very hard (children, job, etc.). I hope this helps your state of mind at least a little bit. Talk to people that you trust like your parents, or siblings or close friends. See what they have to say and help you determine options.
Rather than standing at your father’s grave and begging him to save you, stand in front of the mirror and beg the person you see there to save you.
Go to the library, coffee shop, somewhere and write it out. Write pros and cons. Write why you are staying and why you should leave. Google “What is verbal abuse.” and read what comes up.
Go to a family service agency and see what help they can give you.
Take control of your life. Either he needs to stop or you need to leave. Next step is him beating you, if he hasn’t already.
Oh, dear, I feel for you. “Linda” is absolutely right! You must save yourself. No one can do it for you. Your husband will not change. You cannot change him, but you can change yourself.
I remember lying naked on the bathroom floor one night a couple years ago, begging God to give me the strength to leave my husband because being with him was killing me. I did eventually leave, but not before he left me and came back, not before losing a child, and not before wasting years of my life with a man who I let just about destroy everything I loved about myself, including any sense of self-worth I had. Almost every day I regret staying with him as long as I did. And I let the sorrow our relationship caused to define me even long after our relationship was over.
Everyone is right: leave him, leave him, leave him. Find that strength, the strength that all women have because they are women, and leave him. You already know what you have to do. And every day that goes by, is a day wasted on him, a day you could use to work toward a better, more deserving life.
And tell those you love and trust what is going on and how you feel. They can support you as you try to make a new life, a life without your husband.
You can’t have a “re-deal,” but you can use the hand you were dealt and put it to better use!
I don’t know you, but I want you to do something: go stand in front of your mirror and look yourself in the eyes. Have a good, long look. Then I want you to talk to that person in the mirror. Tell her she is beautiful and strong and deserving of wonderful things, like a man who adores her and treats her with respect and puts her needs above his own. Tell her she needs to leave before she loses herself. You must love yourself first!
Sounds like your husband could be NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Look this up and read the symptoms. Hope this helps.
Abusers are often referred to as “Charmers.” I found myself in a similar situation and it is harder to break free when no one believes the truth. I can not describe the freedom that slowly came after i left him (taking our three year old son). I had forgotten what it was like to be happy. I just can’t believe how long it took me to leave. You will do what is right for you.
You said you wanted a re-deal with cards? Well that starts with you. You can divorce him move out stay with your friends, or family until you get back on your feet. My mother was in the same situation as you. She dated a cop that was friendly to everyone but her and would constantly cheat and demean her. What she did was she saved her money begged nana to let her stay with her then one day when he was at work she moved all her things with the help of my uncles/older brothers.
I’m sorry to hear that your husband does not seem to respect you. Let him know that you are not a child and will stand for his putdowns. Learn how to be assertive and stand up for your right to be treated with dignity and respect. If he continues to berate you, the very best thing that you can do for yourself is to leave him. Yes, leave him because should you stay and take the crap, things will only get worse for you and you will end up feeling even worse than you do all ready. Counseling would likely help you a lot. Verbal abuse is just one form of domestic violence. Call the domestic violence hotline and start getting help for yourself today. 1-800-799-7233. You deserve better. Take care now.