Tired of my crapy sex life.
Posted by Robert in Spouse on Oct 5th, 2010 | 12 commentsI can’t believe I am doing this. Ok, I am tired of having sex once a month with my wife. Trust me, I have tried talking to her. I have tired being romantic. She says she is tired all the time. She makes more money than me so she indirectly uses this to avoid having sex with me. She says she works a lot. So do I. She is always stressed. So am I. I wish she made more of a damn effert. I know she is not seeing anyone else. I kinda wish she was so I could leave her. We have a child together and this is why I have not left. I would feel guilty leaving my child because I want more sex. This has become a problem over the years and I am angry. I am so angry that I don’t want to have sex with her. I know this does not make sense since I said I did. I am mad. Ok, thank you all for letting me vent.
12 Responses to “ “Tired of my crapy sex life.”
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Doesn’t make sense? It makes perfect sense. You’re in the final stages of what’s called ‘demand-withdraw’ pattern, and the beginning of the ‘withdraw-withdraw’ pattern. You no longer see her as a source of comfort or love, so you’re trying to stop asking to get it from her. You’ve lost confidence in her, don’t trust her, and feel like she’s rejecting you as a person and a mate. So you’re trying to disconnect.
It’s the final stage you’ll both go through before the inevitable divorce. She’ll see you withdrawing and react by protecting herself further… By withdrawing more.
Get a sex therapist NOW and schedule your first 6 appointments, about two weeks apart. Demand that she go with you. This is not just YOUR problem (as she’s no doubt told you), it’s “our” problem, and it WILL end the marriage. If one of you cheats, it will be an “exit affair” – a betrayal done specifically to state that te marriage is unrepairable. And it’s horrible for both partners and complicates the legal side.
Your marriage can still be recovered if you get help now. Professional help. NOW. If you don’t get help, get a divorce before it gets worse.
And trust me man… It can get A LOT worse.
Thanks.
If your wife is unwilling to work things out, then you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your life for the sake of your child. You’re dead inside. Don’t think your child doesn’t notice. If you can’t repair your marriage consider moving on to keep your sanity. You can have joint custody and still see your child. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to find happiness and for having needs. We all want to be loved and so you are entitled to love. If you continue in this pattern, then before you know it, your kid will be grown and the years will have passed you by and you will end up more broken and angry than you are now.
same thing happened to me before i moved out and inevitably ended the relationship. might as well start looking, go to a bar. enjoy yourself. your life’s about you.
I hear you.
I’m right where you are!
What to do…?
Have you ever thought, that in some small way, your wife is deliberately avoiding sex with you? Many men overlook the fact that women can lose interest in sex with their partners as well. Just as YOU lose interest. Stop thinking “one way” and bring it up to her. Confront her with your issues and find out the truth. Perhaps it is something that you have done, are doing, or are not doing. Make no demands until you offer solutions….
The OP all but said her higher income affects their sex life. This reeks of insecurity. How on earth can she be aroused by such an insecure man? You’re probably passive-aggresive too. It’s no wonder she doesnt want to sleep with you. Do her a favor and divorce her.
I reckon a therapist may put more pressure on your wife. How old is your child? Things are better when the child gets older, and if you go to bed before midnight (then your wife might not be so tired). Also, not all women want sex!
There’s more to life than sex…
Also – I think it’s “crappy”.
Then use this to do what you’ve always wanted to do and find another woman who will treat you right and **** you good. Trust me they’re out there. unfortunately, alot of the good ones will have baggage like children, maybe two or three! Since you have your own child too it might not be a big deal. Oh and at first do it behind her back. I’m not joking. Dont give this chick ammo to kill you first. Find that good woman and when you do, BAM, pull out your Ace card and be like, “I’m outta here bitch, I’m taking care of me cuz you never did!” Good luck.
Why are you guys married? The best thing about marriage is the great sex.
I don’t think I could ever be to tired for sex. Me and my husbend will go 3 days at the most with out sex. I don’t want it all the time either but I want to please him, and I do end up getting pleasure from it. Anyways, I think there is more to it than she is tired and she works a lot. I really think you should sit down and talk about it with her. If she wont talk or offer more than im tired then I think you should leave. And please do not cheat on her! Leave before you find another woman.
And I don’t care what anyone says, Sex is probably one of the biggest things in a relationship. The world may not revolve around it but it is encredibly important.
I suggest getting some marriage counseling. I’m sure she has some anger at you that she would love to get off her chest, too. My wife and I are going through something similar right now, with a couples therapist. I can’t say it’s going to get solved soon, but what seems to be working for us is thinking about a common strategy that you both can set up — what can she do and what can you do to increase the chance of being in the mood?