Should i try harder?
Posted by v in Spouse on Jan 1st, 2009 | 7 commentsme and my wife get in occassional arguments about certain issues. Im 27 and she two years older than me. One in particular that bothers me is that we dont have a substanial amount of money saved up. Another problem is that were both not were we want to be career wise. My wife a teacher and im currently enrolled in nursing school and work part time with the federal government. It’s frustating because she always complaining that we dont have this or that… I try to stay focused with school and our issues but it can just be overwhelming at times. Im not a perfect husband, but i try to do my best to please her in anyway i can. To make things worse, she also has insecurity issues about her appearance. I also struggle with an addiction to porn. I try my best to stop and make my amends, but end up falling trap to it again. Ive stop for many months in hope of changing completely to no avail at all. I found that i usually result back to lusting for it after difficult situations in my life, such as my marriage difficulties. Nevetheless, a new year is right around the corner and i must do better to change completely, but i honestly dont know where to start. I want to be a better husband to my wife, become a successful nurse, stray away from porn and also pursue a few business ventures i have in mind. I pray every day that god will give me a better outlook and give me the wisdom i need to accomplish my goal; yet its still very hard at times and any comments would be appreciated. I will never give up, but do you guys think i should be trying harder…….
7 Responses to “ “Should i try harder?”
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It takes two to make a marriage successful. You both have to be willing to try harder and change your ways. Don’t think that it’s just you and your faults that is what is causing these issues in your marriage. Her not being there to support you through schooling is selfish on her part. Her having insecurity issues is allot of where her disappointments steam from because inside she is depressed. I know because I was there at one time. Having new things helps to make her happy inside but only temporarily. Bad part is that nothing will ever be good enough. She will always want more. Unfortunately with the way that the economy is going, she should be thankful that you both still have a job and realize that right now it’s all about being frugal. I myself am I high maintenance person and will admit that having to budget right now is so not easy but I realize that If we don’t then we could be in a world of debt that we may never get out of so I try to limit my wants with needs. If she can’t realize that then let her try surviving on her own.
Porn is a problem that I struggle with from time to time … It’s not easy I believe to be satisfied in the world and I believe thats what I look for in porn. Durning trouble stages of my marriage I look for porn to feel content. Some people look for food and some for both to satisfy this need. The problem with the porn is that you come back to the real life exactly where you left if to watch and enjoy the porn. I’m not sure this is an answer. But there’s many other people out there possibly having simular issues as yourself.
Good Luck
You must try to save money and your wife needs to realize that. I have a family member who bought everything he and his wife and their two children could ever want. As of now he and his son fight, he is extreamly sick and cant work. His wife is to use her daughters words a “ditz” and spends as much if not more money then she makes. They are in a lot of trouble right now because of money.
The thing is the children are suffering, one is going to college now and the other wants to but is afraid the money it will take will put them under. I honestly am unsure of how to deal with the addiction to porn, but trying is all you can do. The thing i do know is that saving money when times are good is the best thing to do. What if something were to happen to you or your wife God forbid, for that matter would you be able to support yourselves?
lina
hi friend,,,,,,,i m just a friend not some grand philosophical geek,,,,,,,actually both of u are trying to make things auper cool,,,,,,,,u dont have to TRY HARDER actually u have to try softer on each other & stronger on life,dont go banging u r head on everything rather sit down plan .then make a hit on waht u guyzz want to do…..AND WELL BOTH OF U WANT TO STRUGGLE FOR U R SELVES & EACH OTHER,,,,,,, IT A bliss frnd,things will be brighter
Why don’t you guys make a porno yourself? Just throwing that out there.
Talk to her, if you find yourself yelling or having a argument about it every time you try to discuss it then get out a piece of paper and write down what you feel. Leave it where she will find it at a time when you are away for the day in order to give her time to think about it and get over the initial defensive anger we all get when discussing problems. Then leave the subject until she brings it up, she may need a bit of time to think about it.
With the porn problem, remove the items around you that lead to you reading porn, magazines, movies, posters etc This may help.
When the urge starts getting too strong, go out for a mindnumbing run, It’s very hard to think when you are struggling for breath :D.
Use the walk back from the run to think about it more logically, if you find your mind getting tied up again, start running again until you have resolved the issue.
The addiction may stem from a need for the lack of thought people get from sex.
If it is still disrupting your life, go to a councillor, alone or with your wife. Needing a councillor is not a weakness, it is a strength to realise when you need someone objective to show you what the problems are from a outsiders point of view.
Good luck
I dont think pepl with addictions should even be married, separate and work on your problems