Of all my problems, this is the worst
Posted by Not deserving of the life I have in Spouse on Nov 18th, 2010 | 5 commentsI have been married for 14 years, but for 20 years, I have been with this man. Almost everything about him irritates me, even how much he loves me. We have nothing in common, he doesn’t pursue me, I have closed myself up completely and am just trying to survive this marriage. I have allowed myself to remain overweight because I know that if I weren’t, I would find someone and leave. I also do it thinking he will eventually stop loving me. But yet, he stays. In this boring and unfulfilling marriage. If we didn’t have kids, I’d leave regardless of how I looked or if I had a job. I’m just not happy, or attracted to him, and am tired of staying because that’s the Christian thing to do. Yet, he is no spiritual leader. He doesn’t handle the family’s faith, the money, the bills, the discipline, he’s not a strong type of man and it embarrasses me…I think he’s stupid and boring and the way he disciplines our kids makes me so angry. Ugh. I have no one to tell and nothing to do to make this better. And so I remain quiet and hope to survive. Maybe one day I will love him again????
5 Responses to “ “Of all my problems, this is the worst”
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He may feel the same way about you. Stop blaming him for being fat. Talk to him and both you guys join and gym. Do things together.
You are dead inside. Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he stays for the kids or because he doesn’t want to break up the family. However, you are not being fair to yourself or your kids by remaining in an unhappy marriage. If you feel in your heart of all hearts that you cannot repair your marriage, then consider parting ways. Perhaps start with making changes with yourself. For instance, start exercising and eating healthier so you feel better about yourself. Before you know it, the weight will start to come off. I understand your reasons for staying overweight, but consider how important it is to eat healthy and maintain a healthy weight. If you don’t want to do this for you, then please do it for the sake of your kids so they have their mom around for a long time. Consider a date night with your husband once a week to see if you can rekindle things…you don’t need to spend much…go on a picnic somewhere…find local events that you can both attend. Get creative…also, consider couple’s counseling…another thing to consider is to sit down with your husband and outline the changes you would like to see happen with your family regarding finances, budgeting, the way he interacts with the children, etc., If that doesn’t help and you feel like you are done with this marriage then at least you know you did everything in your power to make it work. I wish you the very best…you know that your marriage is over when you can look at your spouse and feel like there’s nothing left to say except goodbye.
Truth: Talk to your wards Bishop, I’m assuming your are LDS by some of the things you said.
It’s extremely unfair for you to be so rude about your husband, obviously there was a reason you married him, if he doesn’t take care of the bills etc.. I would HOPE you’d have found that out within your first 6 years together BEFORE marrying him and having kids, when you were together for so long you knew what you were getting into. If you were unhappy with it then why wouldn’t you be now? Talk to him and ask him to help out. Also like Saved said, eating better and being active produces chemicals in your body that help you feel better, you could just be throwing yourself into your own depression. Don’t set a bad example for your kids, take some blame and show them what a healthy lifestyle is like, otherwise they’ll end up in the same kind of mind set when it comes to relationships, and I hope you want better for them.
Leave him. You are both enabling each other and are both a poor example for your children. They should be seeing the love between you both, not the anamosity. Life is SHORT. Do you want to be 60 and look back on miserable, empty years? You are not doing any member of your family a favor by staying in a loveless, respectless relationship.