Not attracted to wife

I am not attracted to my wife anymore. I barely was in the beginning. She is several years older than me, but I loved her personality initially and thought that would be enough. However, over the past couple years I can hardly stand being around her. I work m-f, 9-5 type job. I actually prefer when she works shifts in the evenings and on weekends so I can have time away from her. Our biggest fights are that we dont have sex. I just cant get turned on by her. When we have sex, I am relieved when its over and hope it buys me a couple days before we argue about it. I cannot bring myself to admit to her that I do not find her attractive. That would devestate her, although she brings it up frequently that she thinks I am not turned on by her. I am worried that if I stay, we will eventually get a divorce anyway and we both will have wasted more years of our lives. I also dont want to throw away our marriage if the attraction can be found again. Just not sure what to do, and I wanted to vent.

5 thoughts on “Not attracted to wife

  1. I think a marriage void of attraction is pointless. We can be attracted to different things but they usually evolve and adapt in a healthy relationship. It sounds like you’ve been struggling with this from the get go. I’m no marriage expert (on the way to divorce myself for a similar reason) but I do know that the damage you’re prolonging is also prolonging the recovery so whatever you choose you should make your move soon, be it counseling or divorce, because you’re both going to be old and gray if you don’t and since it seems you’re going the way of wanting a younger girl, well, that’s just going to get more difficult. Don’t rob your wife of her own youth that you fail to see and respect.

  2. U are not alone buddy. 25+yrs here. HE is the reason I’m not attracted anymore…the fact that anytime there is a chance to turn me on more…he does/says something that flicks the switch completely off….not to mention the fact that his lack of attraction for me is extremely obvious indifference to oral sex or otherwise…like I’m not supposed to notice? Having said that…ur wife probably knows…denying the truth only makes things worse.. counselling might help…didn’t me cause i married someone with a mental problem where he’s an expert at manipulation and yankin on the heart strings of the kind hearted, but it might u!

  3. According to me Sex is not the only thing you get or you should look when you are married to each other.There are many other things also like love,friendship and most importantly is the moral support and the bonding between two people.Give some time make her feel special take small chances to appreciate her acts

    1. He is a man. Sex is always important unless something is wrong. And when a person refuses to give sex the importance it deserves, their partner should be running the other way.

  4. You don’t say why you are not attracted to her. Since you mention her age I assume that she has gotten older and her body isn’t like a 20 year old woman (which you knew in the beginning but thought didn’t matter). I would suggest talking to a professional to get help in communicating with your wife, as difficult as that may be. Women are intuitive and I suspect she already knows the problem. Being an older woman, she may also have her insecurities about her attractiveness. BUT, it’s not fair to her and you are not doing yourself any favors either by not facing the problem (whatever that is…I suspect there is more). You both have the right to have a satisfying intimate life and open communication. Good luck.

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