Incapable of love?
Posted by Anonymous in Spouse on Jun 1st, 2009 | 11 commentsAll my life, I was looking for someone to love me for who I am; I dated so many idiots, but I loved them despite the fact that they abused me in one way or another. Now I am engaged after all these years, to the first guy who has ever been ANY kind of worthwhile, and now I am wondering if I’m doing the right thing by marrying him. People talk about “dying without being with that person”, and I’ve certainly felt that, but it was never reciprocated.
I fear I am making a huge mistake. That I really don’t love him, and I hate myself for even questioning myself. I am so scared….
11 Responses to “ “Incapable of love?”
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Well it sounds like you are having 2nd thought cause this dude is a nice guy and all you attract for the most part are loser slacker type men.
The fact is if you marry him you will cheat and end your marriage with the loser type you attract. He will go on to feel pity towards you and thrive into a rich and meaningful life with a woman who will be 50 times hotter than your lying cheating ass.
You will die a bitter old bitch drunk on beer all the time in that trailer court where all the societal scum lives.
THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!
If you aren’t sure, then postpone the wedding and just stay in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You don’t have to marry someone to prove you love them and breaking up is easier than divorcing. If you can, explain to him that you just aren’t feeling as strong a connection as you would want to justify marriage. Don’t just go for the first man who has been worthwhile, it isn’t fair on you or him.
well, why don’t you cancel first the wedding or postpone it in order for you to be certain of your self, a time to think hundred times. you see, your partner is certain to marry you and it is unfair in his part having you there doubting if it is really right to marry him or not. be considerate and be honest, it’s better to hurt him as early as now rather than hurting him while everything was done you two got married have kids etc. in the first place why did allow it to reach or to the extent that you two are now engage if you’re not sure? then maybe you did love him and you are ready to enter such another step in your life. you may not realize it yet but are you going to risk realizing it when it is too late?think it over gurl.. you should be thankful to have such opportunity while others were depressed and bothered for not having such–
Tamara makes a great point. Tell him you don’t feel strongly enough to justify marriage. Stay with him if you wish to and he’s up to it. And you might also want to look at what type of guys you’re attracted to and how your self worth plays into that. It might be that you just don’t have the spark with him or it might be that you’ve got some issues that you need to work out before you allow yourself to be attracted to someone who is not f*&ked up.
Just try it out since you’re already engaged. You could always get a divorce if things don’t work well.
What if you think about it first? before you settle down so that you will be able to know what really confuses you. In a way you can avoid hurting your future partner in life so is yourself.
since you are a victim of abuse during a relationship, it is very hard for you to trust or love a nice man. it’s normal for you to confuse you feelings because you are used to being used and abused. then there’s this nice person but you don’t know how you feel about it. give yourself some more time to heal and put the marriage on hold. if his the real one, you’ll end up together but if he’s not move and keep on healing yourself until your ready.
Please do not marry someone you are not sure of. Dont marry because you havent found him and this is the only on that proposed…your settling. The worse thing you can do is marry someone that you are not sure of. This brings pain to that person and his family and your family as well. Do not bring children into the world with this man because chances are that it will be divorce. Marriage is hard as it is when two people are in love as it is. Then children come and it gets harder. Plus everything else life throws at you…even if you have a strong foundation from the beginning its still tough…many ups and downs..Re-evaluate your situation and break it off if it is not for you…good luck :)
Dear Incapable,
I think I know how you feel. I dated a number of people who didn’t fit well. I finally had one bad relationship that scarred me, but eventually got out of it. Out of that relationship I met this wonderful woman. She was a really good girlfriend, and we had a lot in common. I proposed marriage and we were married after being together for two years. I was anxious about the marriage before we got married and had my doubts. The night before the wedding my nerves were horrible. I’ve never been that anxious in my entire life. I thought everything would be fine after we got married. Things got worse after I got married. I am filled with anxiety about the marriage constantly. It’s been more than a year, and I’m facing the prospect of children. I’m scared out of my mind. Doubt racks me. DO NOT GET MARRIED IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBTS. Take the time to think about it and be sure. Do not get entangled in the idea or dream of marriage. Face marriage squarely and consider the fact that you will be facing this same person every day for the next 30, 40 maybe even 50 years.
I wish you luck.
Wow, if you feel this way now, wait till you’re trapped in marriage, for real..
You have been abused. Now that success is here, you think it may not be good. Do not be afraid of success.
Make love like a champion. Love like a goddess. Cook like a chef. Dress the way he likes. Happy surprises.
Talk to him about your fears and past trouble. Go to work for self esteem