I wish he wanted me more.
Posted by Delilah in Spouse on Apr 27th, 2010 | 12 commentsMy husband of nearly two years and I hardly if ever have sex. We’re both in our twenties which makes it painful and embarrassing. He always makes excuses saying he’s either too tired or not feeling well not even realizing that he hurts me everytime he turns away from my advances. I know he is faithful, but his lack of a sex drive makes me feel unattractive.
12 Responses to “ “I wish he wanted me more.”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
you should tell him before this situation gets really bad and could probably even break up your marriage over something that could have been solved by talking. Maybe his having some sexual problems and is afraid to tell you.
Maybe he doesnt know what to do, most guys are actually pretty shy with making the first move. Why not make the first move yourself and then when it starts to get hot walk away and leave him wanting more. Or if he’s really not that interested then maybe he’s getting bored, spice it up a little.
If it walks like a homo and talks like a homo……HES A HOMO!!!!!
She does make the first move.. It’s just that he’s unresponsive and has a low sex drive. (And really, she shouldn’t HAVE to make the first move every time – it’s so unfair to put that on her alone.) I doubt he’s that bored, and some men don’t really go for spicing things up too much. It sounds like it’s just a low libido to me.
As someone going through the exact same thing as you (except I’m not married), I can honestly say I understand what you’re going through, to some degree. (And it is definitely more embarrassing to both be in your twenties for some reason. I feel you there completely.)
Nothing is going to change until you talk about it. I know in my situation, once my boyfriend realized that I was upset, he has tried to make an effort. Sometimes, it requires compromise. Meeting halfway with libidos helps. I’d suggest talking about it at a neutral point (during dinner or while watching a rerun on tv) and trying to mix in some positive with it. It will be a blow to his ego but if you approach him the right way, he should be willing to try harder.
Anyway.. I hope you try to talk to him. I know it helped me when I did. You have my sympathy because I know how much it hurts. Good luck :)
There is a solution to this problem, but it sounds like I’m making a joke or being dismissive. I’m not.
Have more sex.
First, let him know how you feel. Next, schedule some times for sex, a few times a week. You don’t have to go at it like rabbits and shouldn’t make him feel like that’s what is required but once the times are set you both have to stick with it whether you feel like it or not.
I know, it sounds stupid. The idea of scheduling sex and doing it when you don’t want to sounds like it would make the problem worse. But give it a shot, trust me. Regular physical intimacy will help if you keep it up for a while.
Disclaimer: I’m not an expert in a relevant field. This advice is based off of second-hand knowledge from people I have known rather than personal education or experience. Still, I have confidence in it.
I feel the same way most of the time during my relationship with my significant other… we have been together for the past 5 years and I can not honestly say we have enjoyed each other to the fullest… the closest we get to one another is at bed time and he turns his back to me. I know he is faithful but I feel like he is not interested… he is not nurturing at all and our relationship is lacking the intimacy that i desire. I am afraid I will seek out affection from another man!!! I tried talking to him but he will not respond to me….
If you don’t have a partner with the same sex drive as you, it’s gonna be difficult for you. You will always have a sense of rejection. I know Iv’e been there !! You can either except the fact that sex with your husband will never change, and KNOW it’s not YOU!! Or go to a counselor and find out why he is not feeling like you do about it. Or step out and find someone that wants you and makes you feel sexy and loved. I did, it is the best thing I’ve ever done. Because my husband and I, have the same sex drive. I don’t think people think about this when they get married. It’s very important in a relationship. That physical love keeps you connected. Remember HE doesn’t make you whole.
He’s gay
I was in a similar situation with my wife of 5 years. I wasn’t interested in sex with her because of her body issues and inability to lose the weight she’d been promising to lose. (now that she’s committed to losing weight again, things are improving)
I’m not SAYING that’s your situation, but consider it for a moment. It MAY be that he makes excuses to save you the pain and him the guilt of expressing his feelings. That’s how I felt.
Everyone is on the right track, though, in that you will eventually have to talk to him about it.
Good luck!
You have a guy who is tired from working all day to the point his body is starting to let him know its to much AND you “know” he is not cheating on you. He is faithful, a good provider and you always have clean sheets. Really is there nothing you will not complain about? Do your part if your needs are not being met take care of it your self, maybe while you two are “snuggling” in bed/sofa. You said sex so I’m assuming you don’t really mean intimacy, if that is indeed what you meant same game can work. If he is a cold fish you need to talk to him *not whine/nag” TALK.
Sounds like my ex who I believe is a closeted homo, preferred to masturbate rather than be with me (everyone else seems to think I’m hot..) But for 20 years this is the way it was with him, I was so lonely and felt so alone and miserable, I cried myself to sleep hundreds of times over it.. I was with him 16 years. I say, get rid of him
Same thing here, my boyfriend and i have been together barely 6 months…last time we had sex was 2 months ago…and he don’t “touch” me at all anymore, not even to hold me at night. He says he don’t feel comfortable with his own weight, however, I can’t get passed the feeling that there is something wrong with me…I too cry myself to sleep at night, and what makes it worse is that he jokes about our sex life, like he thinks it funny that i don’t get any. Other than that he’s a great guy, and I love him to death, I would never do anything to hurt him…and I am prepared to never have sex again…but I wish we would.