I want a baby…

..just not with you.

Your family already treats my children like outsiders, especially my daughter. If I gave them a “real” grandchild, it would be so much worse.

Also, I have learned in the time we have been under the same roof, that you are an incredibly selfish man. Not at all who you seemed to be when we dated. Not even who you seemed to be when we first moved in together.

Before we dated, I had thought you were selfish, spoiled and self-indulgent. I thought you were arrogant. Now, I know. It took me nearly having a nervous breakdown for you to tell your mom to back off and stop gossiping/spreading lies/ and emotionally abusing me and the kids.

Now that you have to work 40 hours a week, you act as though you are the only person in the world who has to do that. You seem to resent it and your resentment lands firmly at the kids feat. You have hardly a kind word for the kids. The very things you yell at them about (a paper left here or there, a book out of place, a dish not put away) are the very things YOU yourself do.

The kids and I do everything around the house. All the laundry, all the dishes, all the cooking, all the cleaning, and we keep things much cleaner than you. We try to make our home a happy place. They really loved you, you know? They looked up to you. They thought you were cool. It has nothing to do with you doing your parental duties, and calling them out on things. All of that is past tense because of the way you talk down, call them names, pass judgment. Saying no is fine. Reminding someone to put something away is fine. YELLING, calling names, belittling, inventing voices that sound mentally deficient when you pretend to be them, has destroyed all your credibility.

I, have however, raised my children so that they respect your position as surrogate father, even if they no longer have respect for you.

I am afraid this is not going to last much longer. My dreams of another child are dashed to hell. If we had a baby, I’d just be a single mom who happens to be married. I can’t do that by myself. So my clock ticks on. And we plan our escape.