I thought I could be better

you always said how diferent i was from the others you were married to. When you compared me to your first ex tonight you shattered what was left of me that the physical pain didn’t make impossible to bring out. I’ve been slowly taking many oxy’s that were given to me by my doctor after surgery. I hope its enough. If i am truly like that person, then there is nothing left to live for. My kids deserve better than that and you need to not be destroyed by someone you thought would take you away from all the past and heal you. Im sorry i couldn’t..or maybe i could but just not fast enough.

I failed you terribly and since i don’t have the right or permission to give you my collar and wedding ring back so you can start again and live a good full life somehow. I even failed my promikse to not txt you when you left, but truth be told i had a moment of being scared because of the oxys i took..you refused to come home before the hour was up i guess thats my sign..im no good and can’t even not txt you when you leave for a time out. I guess I am like her. if i had a gun right now it would already be over.i wish you didn’t have to be coming home to see this. I don’t want you to stop me or call the doctor if you do find out what i did. Just let me go. never forget that i love you with all my heart and soul and that for me..you were the only one. i knew your asking me to marry you was too good to be true. odd im not afrtaid to die now..i had that one mopment of fear when i broke my own promise and txted you. b ut its gone now this must be the right thing to do.

good bye my husband my first and true husband.