I am engaged to a wonderful man
Posted by Ohdear in Spouse on Jun 13th, 2010 | 12 commentsBut i am secretly a lesbian. And i hate sex with him.
12 Responses to “ “I am engaged to a wonderful man”
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But i am secretly a lesbian. And i hate sex with him.
don’t get married! where do you think it’s going to ultimately get you in life? if it doesn’t end now, it’ll end later
I have feelings for other people men and women and I am married.
I have been married for 8 years, I was married very young so I am only twenty nine. I don’t have kids and my husband it starting to want them.. I am worried that children would end the relationship because my husband and I may not have enough in common to raise children together. Also I don’t like his mother and having his kids would make me related to her forever. Further more, I have since being with him, never stopped having feeling for other people. I have never acted on these feeling, and a lot of the time the feelings just come up in frequent dreams I have about being with other people. The people I am with in my dreams are not necessarily people I know and the dreams are not necessarily sexual sometimes they are more about emotional intimacy. I have often felt that my husband is emotionally unavailable perhaps this is why these feeling continue to pervade and rise up in my dreams. I am a generally happy person and when I met my husband I fell in love with him and stayed with him largely because he made me feel safe. I was emotionally neglected as a child, not abused… in a direct way that is, but through lack of acknowledgment, and general neglect, I think I did not develop the ability to feel attached to someone, I also am less empathetic of others I perceive others to be. I read in a book that children who are neglected often develop attachment attachment and empathy problems so, I am wondering if anyone out there knows anything about how to deal with this. I go through periods where I feel grateful for my husband, and maybe love him, honestly at this point in my life I am questioning whether I am capable of love, or am I just cold hearted? He is handsome, and is a good provider, and we look good together, its one of those things where the life we have may look idilic from the outside, but inside me there have always been problems. I don’t know what to do I feel like I am in a holding pattern and sometimes I just wish he would disappear so I could rid myself of this feeling of being boxed into a corner, and then I could start all over again? I know starting over isn’t actually possible, so I actually generally just try to forget about this feeling and remind myself that life is short and if I just stay busy it will all be over soon and I will have new chance in the next life. I am not depressed, although I know it may sound like I am. I am just frustrated and I feel irreparably damaged because of the things that have happened to me in childhood, I learned hot to be alone, and I learned to love being alone and I just don’t think I am really cut out for marriage. I have never had many friends, or close relationships in general. I seem to have an innate tendency to gravitate toward one-sided relationships with people in general, and when I do let people in I immediately retract and then punish myself by removing connections with others. I tell myself that people will not understand me and their intimacy with me, friendship, or otherwise, will only distract me and make me weak. Clearly, I am also a masochist, this I have known for a long time, I have had masochistic tendencies….since birth some of my earliest memories are masochist ones. I have learned as an adult to channel such tendencies… so if masochism is like a drug… then I am a high functioning masochist, now. My channel of choice is extreme work outs and workaholism in general these are good distractions time passers energy dispellers, but still with a regular frequency my rage will rise to the surface, and overwhelm me. Sometimes, I have gotten in very bad fights with my husband during these periods of bubbling rage. These fights are just another wound that I carry around with me everyday. I feel a constant burden from life, I wonder often why it has been so damaging for me. Worst of all I have no one to talk to, I found myself racking my brain last night, filtering through the list of people I know to try to ascertain who I might be able to confide in, in a useful way, and not just to purge the information. All people I know family, friends, all are a dead end to me, I thought I would grow out of this feeling eventually but I am being to really doubt that.
He’s really going to appreciate that when he finds out out after he spends a fortune on the wedding, more for the divorce, and feels like he listed wasted years of his life thinking he’d found the person he wants to spend his life with. You’re a good friend for being so honest with him. Really. You are.
I agree
Why did you get engaged to him then? You need to be honest and tell him the truth. There is no need for you to live a lie, and no need for you to be unhappy. Tell him the truth and you can both move on.
There is no point in living a lie. You will hurt everyone including yourself. Sure people will judge you but that is their problem and you do not want those kinds of people around you anyway. I think you will be surprised at how accepting most people are, and for those who are not, at least you will see their true colors. Love is love no matter what race or gender. We all feel it and should be allowed to have it. The people that say homosexuality is wrong is simply because someone told them that. THAT is what’s wrong, people hating people for those simply loving people. Break it off with your fiance, take some time to yourself, find others for guidance and come out in your own time. You will be much stronger and happier when you face your truth. Best wishes to you.
treat people how you want to be treated, think of the situation turned around, and you were on the rec’ing end of that hurt…
Please just be honest with him and tell him, be honest to yourself, be who you are not a lie… : )
once your out trust me its amazing!!!! : )
i second you on that: once you’re out, it IS amazing!!
PLease don’t live in a lie. It’s never fun.
breathe first.
inhale deeply.
and just let your mind process things
it will hurt you, but think about your future.
sum up the courage to tell him, and you will be rewarded
<3
Get out. No-one wins if you carry on with this.
This is great you should talk to him, any guy would love to have a bi wife, if he cant keep you sexualy happy, another girl will, he dont get bored you dont get bored