Husband of Mine
Posted by Feels Good to Vent in Spouse on Feb 26th, 2011 | 34 commentsDear Husband,
I clean your clothes, and hang them up exactly the way you want them.I use the detergent you like also.
I care of our child 24/7 and I never complain to you. I make sure our baby is fed, clean and happy. I stayed holding our child for many hours several times because of her colic. You left the room because you ‘needed’ to sleep and the baby was keeping you up. Even though I pulled a 72 hour shift a few days before that. Regardless of the circumstances, I care for her and leave you to do whatever you want – without saying a word.
I make all your meals, slowly preparing them exactly the way you want them. I wake up early in the morning to fix you breakfast, and once you wake, I serve you with a smile on my face. You ask for more things, and I serve you promtly. Without hesitation.
I keep the home clean and tidy. I watch you undress in our bedroom and throw your clothes on the floor. Without word, I pick them up and clean them.
Regardless what you need help with, I help. With a huge smile on my face and laughs pouring out of my mouth. You swear and become aggrivated. You tell me to leave once you reach a certain point.
If there is a dissagreement, especially in front of our child, I will agree with you and tell you you are right, even though I don’t believe so. When you don’t take my advice and the situation becomes messy, I remain positive and help you clean it up – even if it costs us 10K.
I give you sex whenever and however you want it. And I act the part you want, even when I am not in the mood. I scream and become ‘dirty’, because thats what you like. I will keep my legs open and my mouth shut.
I protect you. Regardless of what our family and friends say – you are the best husband in the world. My body aches everytime I say this line.
But this is how I will remain to you – submissive and loving.
But once our child is grown and leaves the house, so will I.
With Love,
Your Wife
34 Responses to “ “Husband of Mine”
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I’m going to go with the self-help quacks here and say to you “People treat you how you teach them to treat you.” This takes no responsibility off of him, he’s still guilty of not respecting you, but if you never say anything and never tell him the truth then you’re also responsible for your situation.
As much as he’s to blame, let’s look at it practically, in terms of information: how will he ever know he needs to change if everything looks like it’s working? You have given him no reason to change his behavior, so you’re part of the problem, too.
Just a thought….is this the example you want to set for your daughter? Do you want her to think this is how relationships are supposed to be?
Agreed. I found strength to change things in my relationship when I considered what they were teaching my daughter.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WE LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE DIVORCE RATE IS THE HIGHEST. WHAT IS A RELATIONSHIP SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A DIVORCE MOTHER AND FATHER? IS THAT HOW? EVEN IF SHE DID TALK TO HIM A THOUSAND TIMES, MAYBE HE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE…SO SHE SMILES FOR HER DAUGHTER AND ONE DAY HER DAUGHTER WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT LIFE IS LIKE IN AMERICA BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMAN WHO ARE MARRIED? AND MAYBE ONE DAY HE WILL CHANGE BEFORE SHE DECIDES TO LEAVE HIM AND THEY WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. YOU NEVER KNOW. SHE IS A REAL WOMAN TO SMILE EVERY DAY EVEN WHEN THE SUN DONT SHINE WE NEED MORE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD LIKE HER. I ADMIRE YOUR STRENGTH.I CAN GOON FOR EVER BUT ALL WE NEED IS MORE UNDERSTANDING AND LESS JUDGEMENT FROM STRANGERS.
Why wait?
I agree, however if I had a wife like you. You would know that I loved you and appreciate you. You wouldn’t want to leave me. Because of your submissiveness I would treat you like a queen. Shower you with gift a gratitude and help you around the house, listen to your advice because only a fool rejects sound advice no matter where it comes from. Unfortunately your not my wife. And my wife is certainly not you.
Geez. You sound like you just stepped out of the ’50s.
Is this the kind of example you want to set for your daughter?
Thank god I’m a self centered lesbian. You should try it.
*High Five* We don’t have to deal with this kind of BS.
heh, me tooooo!
but you do have to deal with your own BS..don’t kid yourselves or us.
You’re like used to be, exactly.
But WHY would you want your child to be a witness to you being a submissive?
Why are you allowing yourself to be treated in this way? And why are you at his beck and call? You don’t need to be.
You seem so nice. In the future while your child is growing I have a feeling something will cause you to speak up and stand up for yourself. Good Luck!
Proverbs 31.
You sound like a wonderful wife, I am sorry that your husband does not appreciate all you do for him. Were he to follow Christ, he might see the jewel he has…I hope that he does soon.
Or he might follow the Buddha, or Allah, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or heck, he might even read a little feminism. There’s a whole lot of this kind of crap done in the name of religion…..
Wow, you are a beautiful woman. He is lucky to have you.
I’m not here to judge you. You are clearly doing everything that you believe a good wife should be doing. You’re holding up your end of the deal as wife and mother but you’re husband isn’t reciprocating and the toll it’s taking is evident.
Marriage, partnership and life in general is more than playing a role and keeping up a facade. It’s hard to speak up sometimes, but it’s harder to keep silent and allow others to walk all over you.
I would like to hear the other side of the story before i pass judgment. I wish all I had to do was tend to the house and his simple needs but i have to work to help out as well. What exactly was your “72 hour shift” anyway? Maybe if he is supporting the family then it is just the quid pro quo for you to have otherwise FREE room, board, medical, dental, retirement and what not. If you feel the partnership is one sided then exmaine it all first before you look for validation of your plan to just cut and run. If you don’t then you are simply an opportunist and an enabler as well as a weak wife and a poor example of a mother.
Instead of belittling her, why don’t you just read a confession. She is not here to talk out her problems, she is here to just confess a secret.
I wish I had a wife that was good to me lke she is to him. And if you didnt have a child with colic, you would not no what a 72 hr shift is, would you? A child with colic inconsolibly cries at all hours all the time. So for you to say she is a bad example of a mother is shame on you.
I am a stay at home mother. There is a huge demand for me. It is not just about tending to the home and his “simple” needs. He counts on me to run the home smoothly. I take care of everything and I am very serious about my job. My children are well taken care of and very well behaved. My husband rarely asks for anything done because I know his needs and meet them everyday. Your comment on FREE room, medical and blah blah blah. I work 24/7, there is NO free here. We make very little, but very blessed income. He counts on me to divide that money, bills, home, children, family… I fix the toilets and mow the grass instead of paying someone to do it. If we need a new dryer and I can’t fix it (after he checks it out) he counts on me to get the best deal whereever I can find it, so we can survive the next month. I DON’T work out of the home, but I sure as heck work inside it, and I love every second of it. A weak wife? She does what I do. I can admit shesa bit of a pushover, but maybe in time she’ll speak up a little. A poor example of a mother? You work out of the house away from your children (thats what I got from it) Whats worse, her being there or her not being there and having someone else raise them.
excuse me lydia but you are crazy for saying what u just said. free room and board? shes his wife not his slave and who the hell cares if hes the one working. so that means she should be disrespected and not appreciated just cuz he works. she takes care of the house ,him, and their child which yes, is what a wife should do but come on she should be praised for that. being a stay at home mom isnt as easy as you think it is, this isnt the 40s and 50s okay!
I cant speak from experience but I know that when it comes to being a full time stay at home mother, they dont get Holidays or Vacations. They dont get sick days or choose between night or day shifts. They work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year to make sure they are giving their kids the best life they can. For a man to not be able to respect that is crazy. To me, her choice to keep her mouth shut so that her child can have both parents shows that she cares and wants whats best for her child. Any fool can argue. It takes a strong person to keep the peace. I respect her for that.
You remind me of Me I onces was exactly like you. than 16yr’s later I left. I never looked back until I received a call that my ex passed away. He had remarried and than treated his wife like he onces treated me. Let me advise you it is not worth the time or the effort for you, to waste the rest of your life this way. please, save your money and run to the nearest door. I promise you that will be the happiest day for you.
You cannot love anyone, until you love yourself. when I left my ex he bought me this book Women Who Love TOO Much. and Yes, he regreted treating me that way, but It was to late. I had $35.00 on me and 2 children and I went on with my life. Good Luck.
I hope she’s listens to you because you are inspiring. And “Feels Good To Vent,” if you wait too long, you may not have anything left to run away with. Be the kind of woman you hope your daughter will be. She is learning from your example every day. How can you open her eyes to the possibilities of the world, how can you teach her to love and respect herself and expect the same treatment from others if you can’t even do that for yourself?
Best of luck to you.
Read the book
“Men are from mars, woman are from venus”
All your doing is making yourself suffer, and teaching your daughter this. Lead by example and show her how to be happy by leaving for the right reasons.
I see a massive, unfounded assumption here: he won’t leave you first. What if you go for 18 years with this submissive plot and HE leaves YOU right before the kid goes off the college. (Maybe in his mind he finds someone with “more personality.”) Then your whole vengeance scenario would be a huge waste of time and he’ll get everything he’s ever wanted!
I really don’t think you should just leave him.
You need to teach your daughter that once you become married, you do everything in your power to make the marriage work. Not just divorce hime and break up a whole family just because he disrespects you. Men can be insensitive jerks, but we need a woman to help us see this. You are doing a very good job at taking care ofhim. This, in fact, is very important for your daughter to see.
From the get go we are raised to think love and marriage are a forever fairy tale and when things seem to fail, we need to divorce or seperate. This is not how it should be. Marriage takes work and UNCONDITIONAL love. People have forgotten what this word means. UNCONDITIONAL love means NO conditions.
People are just so quick to divorce if things don’t go their own selfish ways.
Don’t show your daughter how to get her own selfish needs met, show her what truly matters in life, unconditional love.
Have you even tried talking to him?
Seems like you feel that you need to be punished for something or you like the feeling of been a martyr.
Maybe is the fact that if you leave you will need to make a living on your own and you are afraid of it or just plain lazy.
Maybe you feel that leaving him when he is older will be the best payback.
The fact is he cares for you, he has a full time job and you do too… at home, men are not perfect.
The reality of you faking all your love, sex and care for your own child puts you in the dishonest and liar category…
why lie?? … do you like the fantasy of been a victim? this are not the 1800′s.
Get professional help, talk to him, if you are a decent person deal with this, go to counseling at a church or some other health place even if it’s free. Get a friend for emotional support.
Do it first for you, then for your child and for the man that I’m sure you loved once.
Help yourself, life is short!
When you put up with all that without saying a word, that is YOU doing that to YOURSELF. You are silencing yourself. I’m not saying you’re to blame for everything. He’s disrespecting you. BUT, when you refuse to say anything, you are hurting yourself.
Hey, seriously, marriage counseling? You seem to have a lot of good in you but you don’t seem blameless in this. Guys do dumb things and so do women and sometimes it takes a third party to bring it out. IF he does not know there is problem, he can’t work on it. but I am sure there is more to the story than that. don’t just stew in your anger, its not healthy for anyone.
Well if my wife left me it would cost about 8K for child care,5K for domestic activities, 10K for prostitutes who did everything I wanted and kept their mouth shut. All after tax so she is worth about 40K to me. But she is worth much more to me (I couldn’t even put a definitive value on her pulling my arm around her as we walked down the street and kissing my ear. The reluctant/duty participation in sex? What ever you like it is only really great if both of you, or all of you, are into it!). That is the issue – you are not valued and I’m not talking about cash. We all have roles to play as parents and spouses but we must value each others roles and it is important that our children see that. Your daughter will learn from your actions (I have two) and if you do not want the same for her then you have to change or leave. When she is 18 is too late.
I admire that you made the confession and perhaps that is enough for you, but you have a rite to be valued as a mother and a wife.
Take care
Skulls