Husband Beats Me & Kids Drive Me Mad

I have been married for just over 2 years. We have 2 children together (boys), one is 20 months and the other 6 months.

My husband and I have so much in common that it is uncanny, yet there is a dark side to him. He will constantly beat, kick, slap me, whenever he feels like it. He will blame me for all things wrong in our lives and take credit for all good. He will slap me if he loses his phone, and will blame me for it, for example. OR if one of our sons cries, he will beat me up, claiming I am a bad mother.

He does not work, nor does he help me with the kids (he wanted). In addition my eldest kid screams at me all day and has now started to hit me (I think he has picked it up from his dad). My husband spends most his days with his family and not with me.

Now I know you all must be saying GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!! BUT it is not that easy, because aside from the times he beats me, we get on amazingly (and ironically have even been name the golden couple amongst friends and family). Also I do love him, and dont think I could cope with the kids on my own. I do love my kids but he pressured me into having the first one when I unexpectedly fell pregnant and also pushed for the second, which I conceded in giving him.

What should I do?

25 thoughts on “Husband Beats Me & Kids Drive Me Mad

  1. Yep, they are great, when they’re not beating us of course. But then again, why would anyone stay with an abuser if they were crap 100% of time? From what you’ve written your story sounds similar to mine, and all other victims of abuse I’ve met. They’ll abuse you as much as they can and just when you have had enough, they pull out the nice card and make you think things will change. But they never do change, unless you consider increasing the abuse change. Abusers keep pushing the envelope, slowly, and slowly increasing their abuse, (be it physical and/or emotional) progressively making you feel powerless and undeserving of any better. It’s also confusing because they’ll tell you that they didn’t hit that hard, and that you provoked them. But any hitting is wrong, and no amount of provocation justifies it. You are the sole breadwinner, you are the sole caregiver, and you can do all this while dodging beatings (and likely in heels). See how strong you are?!? It’s is not your job (nor are you in a position) to fix him. Deep down, you know that you and your kids are better off without him. You know that if anyone hurt your kids you’d be capable of doing anything to protect them. Well they are being hurt, and only you can protect them. The tough part is to actually leave. I suggest keeping notes of the abuse to remind yourself of it when he’s being sweet. Next, tell someone that knows and loves you that he is hitting you because keeping his secret only helps him continue the abuse. Then, plan how you could leave him. Last, gather up all the strengh that you have and hundreds of domestic violence victims before you have demonstrated, stick to your plan (even if you have to tell yourself it is until he gets help) and then reread your notes to remind yourself of the abuse. Good luck–we are pulling for you.

  2. You love him? Who could love someone that beats them? Take your kids out of a situation like that. They could possibly grow up to beat women, rape them. Stuff like that. You need to do something before he kills you.

  3. Dear you,
    Kinda know where you are coming from. look within yourself – do you want to stay? i did and have stayed and have managed to get control of the whole situation. I have four kids and have been married almost ten years and have had lots delt to me in that time. We have a nice lifestyle but looks are definatelty deceptive. I hide alot of anguish and how to deal with “jeckell and hyde” nice as pice one minuite and shitty the next. noone else would believe what one man could dish out. What is your personality? do you think you provoke him/annoy him? Do the kids see the fights? b xx

  4. when i was a kid i had a step mom who abused me like a dog because i never did anything about it and she knew i wouldn’t tell a soul because i was scared someone would hurt her. when i was 14 i weighed 50 pounds because she starved me, i was drugged up on all sorts of behavioral medications that she overdosed me on and i was so psychologically messed up i would lock myself in my room for days and stare at the wall because i was so numb. She played the same sort of mental games on my dad.
    If your husband is capable of abusing you- the woman he swore to love and protect for the rest of your life, then he is capable of abusing your children. If you are able to look past him beating you- the main person you are supposed to respect and take care of, then what will you do when your boys are older and they dont come home when they are supposed too or they say something they aren’t supposed to and your husband beats them up? the same thing my dad did… turn the other cheek while she abused me and did nothing.
    when i was 14 i got out all by myself. i called family across the country and told them i couldn’t live there anymore.It was shameful and it felt wrong because i still loved my dad and step mom despite it all but i was strong enough to understand that things were wrong, move literally across the country and start my life from scratch i came with one suitcase and nothing else.
    as the victim of abuse i don’t just suggest that you leave, i BEG that you leave. for the good of your two little boys otherwise they will grow up as another statistic of abuse and we all know boys tend to carry on what they see from their father.
    right now you are taking the first step in the right direction asking for advice and accepting the problem. if you don’t follow that advice that you asked for then you become the problem and you will lose my sympathy.
    As an enabler of abuse you are in a way guilty of it. It sounds harsh and i don’t mean to offend you, i am after all on my last year of teenage-hood and could perhaps be speaking through naive teeth.
    you can only play the victim for so long however, before you have to take control of your own life. You are where you are today 100% because of the choices YOU made. Start making smart decisions not easy ones.
    best of luck to you

  5. Is this really all you think you deserve? Do you think this is love? Do you think women deserve to be treated like this?

    And yeah, you’ll find 100 excuses to stay. Battered women do, because their self-esteem, is so low they can’t see a way out. That’s where you are – heading for rock bottom.

    This man does not love you or anyone else. He hates himself and he has serious anger management issues. Probably goes right back to his childhood. Stop pretending it’s all OK.

    You are not doing yourself or your kids any favours. In fact you are putting both them and yourself in danger. That is neither loving nor intelligent. There are women out who can help. They will understand – but no one can make you get help. It’s down to you.

    Find some courage. Stop being a doormat. Start being a woman and not a scared kid taking this shit. You can do it.

    Otherwise either you or one of your kids could end up seriously hurt, mentally abused or even dead.

  6. Kill him. Then you can stay and get rid of the bastard. I suggest a non traceable poison or just beat him to death while he sleeps and then dump the body in a local schoolyard.

  7. My ten and a half cents

    Unless you secretly like being submissive and subservient to him in a bdsm kind of way, you need to shift the power dynamic in this relationship. In fact, even BDSM is based on safe and consensual practice.

    If you still think the nuthead is worth keeping(for whatever reason), you need to make it clear to him that abusing you is unacceptable. How would you go about this?

    1) Get him to admit he has a problem. If his outbursts are uncontrollable, then there is very good chance that he was abused as a kid (in some way) or suffers from a mental illness. Point is, he will require therapy and/or counseling to keep himself in check. Good news is both are quite treatable.

    2) Stop being nice to him when he’s “in the mood”. A part of you may want to enjoy and forget the wrongs he has done, but pretending to forget gives him more leeway and justification to continue.

    Think of it from his perspective. After beating you and blaming you for all the shit in the world, if you don’t say anything either during or after the abuse you are silently accepting the blame when it isn’t even your fault.

    3) Threaten to leave. If you think this won’t work on him and he will go ballistic on you upon mentioning this, then take my suggestion and do leave silently (as well, call the cops or a women’s shelter). Anyone who is going to threaten your life or your kids is not worth it. I can understand being a single parent is hard, but if he is that abusive, at least think about your children. Kids who grow up in abusive environments tend to perpetuate abuse when they are older.

    Hope this helps, and the best to you.
    Be strong.

  8. Well the fact that you choose to remain tells me that you are not going to listen to anyone until one of your children get seriously injured or killed by this psycho.

    The same applies to you. So that being said, when you are confined to a wheel chair from a beating he gives you then you will wonder why you didn’t heed the advice given.

    AND you can ponder on all the crap you feel you two have in common while you spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair and he goes on to some other stupid bimbo cause he will drop your crippled butt like a bad habit!!!!

  9. i am going to tell you to get out.. but it doesn’t sound like you’re gonna listen.. and i don’t understand why you would subject you or your kids to it

  10. im sorry to hear this kind of situation you have. if you guys get along nice except for the beating part.. why not talk to him about it and tell him what you feel? did you tried talking to him about what you feel on what he do to you? maybe he thinks there is nothing wrong cause you are not saying it out. about your kid.. you should correct it by telling him that its not proper to shout to anyone older than him.. i know spanking in the ass is not allowed by your country but in bible it says that a kid that doesnt experience spanking after doin something wrong will be a shame to their parents when they grow up.. discipline your kid in a way you know its right and whichever is allowable in your country while he is still a kid.. best of luck..

  11. Go to a womans shelter immediately and don’t let him think you’re coming back until he gets therapy for his abuse. He keeps doing it because he knows you won’t leave him. Let him know you WILL and he’ll change. Or lose you.

    1. anon i seen in most of the cases where ever you comment ….. you want the family to break & separated . Give her a solution to live happily with her family … not to break it . i am sure you live alone and do not have anyone in your life . so you are really happy when you see such problems and you get excited to comment ….just anon it is very difficult to have a family …. and you always comment on breaking it …TO ANON

      1. Erm, HELLO!!! He’s beating her and generally treating her like shit. But according to you she should stick it out?

        Perhaps the solution (best suited to your way of thinking) would be for her to ‘shut up and put up’. Great example, especially for the kids who will grow up thinking that women are second rate and are only there to be used as a punching bag….Oh hang on, they already do.

        But it’s ok, because, well, they ARE the Golden Couple. Wow, suddenly it’s clear – my relationship is ALL wrong. I should be covered in bruises and be smiling whilst I’m being smashed in the face.
        Well done Sammera.

        1. Lol, I agree with you, (and anon) she needs to get out of their, If he is beating her she can’t live “happily with her family,” as Sammera says, she needs to get to safety with her kids.

      2. samerra, i’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you yourself have either been a victim of abuse (if you’re female that is) or you have a closer experience with it somehow, you have seem to have strong feelings about it.
        i agree, it’s so sad and unfortunate to break up families but there are certain cases where there’s not much choice and you have given the other person multiple chances. those reasons are the 3 A’s, abuse, addiction and adultery.
        also, i’m not certain where you’re from but in America women have pushed and struggled to have rights. it’s not like the old days or other countries where women (and children) are considered property and have to stay in whatever crappy situation they happened to get married into.
        open and expand your mind, look at the world with new eyes, it will probably do you good in alot of ways,, good luck

      3. There’s an idea! Why don’t you stay with the man who beats you for the sake of Family Values?! I’m only kidding. You can’t judge a person based upon how they act on their good days. It is how a person acts on their bad days that really tells you something. Maybe the guy can change, which would be great for the sake of your family, or whoever he finds along the way. Until he does change, you need to get out. If you feel like he is affecting your childrens’ development, then you should know what that means. Children ALWAYS come before romance, even if the romance is with their father. You can’t let this guy fu** your kids up in the head just because you all are apparently so in love (sarcasm is hard to acheive through the internet, but I hope it reached you). The guy is a nut job. Get out.

      4. sammera, anon may or may not live alone but i can bet you that she will never allow herself to be victimized by her partner!

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