Good, Bad, Ugly

Posted by in Spouse on Dec 19th, 2010 | 5 comments

The Good: I have two beautiful healthy children. A 2yr old boy and a 4mo old girl.
The Bad: I resent their father (my bf) for never helping as much as I need him to. He drinks and has fun with his friends while I’m stuck at home taking care of the kids, alone. He lies about the drinking, hangs up on me when I ask him about it if he’s not home, turns his phone off so he ‘doesn’t have to deal with’ me when he’s getting drunk..something he promised was over now that we have kids.
The Ugly: I want so badly to leave him…but it breaks my heart to see him play with the kids when he does. His family is amazing…but I can’t shake the feeling that the kids and I are ruining his life. We’ve gone to counselling and he’s still acting 20 instead of 28 with 2 kids. Every one I know says I deserve better than him…but since being with him and never being appreciated, my self-esteem is shot to hell…I’m scared to be alone because I have no idea who I am anymore…raising two kids alone when my bf is on the couch watching tv is killing me. I used to be a cutter but stopped once my son was born..it takes everything in me to ignore the knives in the kitchen…I want to be happy…but I’m terrified if I leave him he’ll take the kids away from me…they mean the world over to me. I’m beyond lost…I have no emotion towards him anymore…too much damage has been done…but still I can’t leave…I feel so weak.

5 Responses to “ “Good, Bad, Ugly”

  1. Nicole Shingoose says:
    December 19, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Why would you allow yourself to get pregnant not once but twice by a guy who refuses to grow up!
    What do you expect when you are not even married w/kids.
    Were your children planned…or did you secretly stop taking your pill?
    You don’t sound like a victim here!

    Reply
    • Lost and Lonely says:
      December 19, 2010 at 11:10 pm

      We were together a short time (but on and off for years) when our son was born…he was a surprise that we were both excited for. Things were great up until our daughter was born..she was planned. I would never trap anyone…ppl who do that seriously piss me off to be honest with you. Just lately I’ve been getting fed up with him always being able to go and do whatever because it usually involves him drinking…but not always. If I’d said more (which I guess I could have but at the time I was very angry and neglected to) you’d realise I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship because I’m always made to feel guilty about his drinking…amongst other things. As for the not married thing, that’s him not taking the next step…we’ve talked about it a lot but nothing has ever been done about it which drives me crazy…I hate that we never took that step when we found out about our son. Every one of his family and friends give him a hard time about it..”Oh, two kids in and no rock on that finger hey?!” Marriage isn’t an option at this point because of the struggles we’ve been having..but thanks for YOUR beliefs being the outright best for everyone.
      Believe me, I now know he’s not ready to grow up…but thanks for looking at me like I’m some loser who trapped my bf into staying with me by having kids. Kind of a slap in the face don’t ya think?
      I thought this site was to get a little support and to just be able to vent without feeling worse about yourself…Nicole I was never trying to make myself sound like a victim…I’m just at a loss as to what I should be doing and was looking for outside, completely un-biased opinions…I understand where you’re coming from, but don’t appreciate what comes across as being very harsh.

      Reply
  2. Kittycat says:
    January 4, 2011 at 6:26 am

    Think about it, you say you’re scared to be alone – but aren’t you already there?

    Reply
  3. Addy says:
    January 29, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    My best friend was in your situation. She too had 2 kids before realizing that he was never going to become responsible. Her husband would disappear for DAYS. He became a drug addict and slept with other women constantly. She took his abuse (both physically and mentally) for sooo many years. I tried being there for her but in the end, it was she who had to be there for herself.

    NEVER LET A MAN TELL YOU WHAT YOU’RE WORTH. ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WORTH. She left the guy. She told me it was EXTREMELY hard at first. She had a lot of lonely nights but eventually, things got better and when she looks back, she doesn’t even know how she did it!

    I only hope you can find the strength to leave your boyfriend. I know it’s hard but sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

    Reply

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