I know it’s wrong! It’s not meant to be, people have to make choices and my choice was to get married. Granted no one should make that choice at 22 but there you go, what’s done is done. Nearly 10 years down the line plus 2 kids can’t turn back the clock now.
We are a bit like strangers, living in the same house, well that is when you are home. Even when you are home you are up stairs sleeping and watching porn. You demand sex when it suits you, now romance and wants things I don’t like to do. You call me boring and dull. I can’t remember when last you said you loved me. You share your bed with her every other night and says it means nothing….. that you are just sleeping. And though I might believe you on that count, it still hurts my feelings. You never want to talk to me or go for walks or spend any time with me. In fact if you could never spend time with me you would be happy.
You come home and demand to be fed, when it’s not to your exact specifications you lose it. I’m here to watch your kids, even if you consider me to be a bad mom and pick up after you.
Do you blame me for falling for him? He talks to me and laughs at my jokes and thinks I’m funny and kind. He looks at me with eyes that say a thousand words. He makes my skin tingle and give me butterflies.
Yet for the sake of the boys I decided to stay with you, I’m not going to ruin their lives by being the bad mother who left their wonderful dad for some other guy.
Now I never see him and we hardly talk, I miss him so much. He told me to save my marriage, that we are not meant to be but when I see him my heart aches.
Do you know what I’ve given up? Do I know what I’ve given up? Was he my chance to be loved and appreciated?
If only you would be kinder and more loving I might feel this is all worth while, even if only for the boys. I hope that I don’t regret this all one day when I end up all alone with no one to love and no one to love me….
I’m so in love with this other man it’s breaking my heart!
I have decided to do the right thing but it’s hard cause you don’t treat me the way I deserve, the way he’s shown me I can be treated…. and that without even having sex with him.