Cheated on my husband

For years, my husband had been on a roller coaster when it came to the ways he treated me and my family. There were some days where he would be the sweetest man on earth; but other – darker – days where he would “accidentally” grab me a little too hard, pull me into a kiss a little too roughly, or even put his hands around my neck when he lost his cool. He has even hit one of our children once when he got angry that they tried to eat something they shouldn’t have. Mostly, he would just feed the kids, brush their teeth, and lay around playing video games all day. I’m the breadwinner in the family – he’s a stay-at-home dad. I wanted it to be that way until we moved back to the United States.

When I come home, I end up doing a lot of the house work. I admit the place becomes pretty trashy since I hardly have time to do the “work” after getting home from work. It gets tiring. Slowly, my interest in him has been fading. Slowly, I see others out there who can more easily spark a flame back onto my dying candle. I love my husband, but only as a friend now.

Now, this new man… I’ve known him for four years already. He, in fact, works with me. It wasn’t until recently that we had noticed each other’s occasional glance of appreciation at how attractive the other is. One day, I confess to him that I had been wanting to touch him in less-than-appropriate ways for awhile. He simply replied, “Same here.”

We did things. Lots of things. We kissed. I felt fire. Fire that I hadn’t felt since my first kiss all those years ago. We touched. I ran my hand through his soft hair. I felt electricity through my body, something I never felt with my husband. Eventually we made love. It was amazing. He wasn’t larger than my husband, but he was more loving, more caring, more passionate.

I feel terrible for this.

15 thoughts on “Cheated on my husband

  1. Have you tried everything in your power to save your marriage? A lot of people are so gung ho on you walking away from your first love. Can you remember how he use to make you feel? How much you use to love each other deep enought to commit your lives to each other? Is there anyway to salvage your relationship with your hubby before ending it? Please keep in mind that a burning flame runs hot but eventually cools down, you may begin to lose interest in your coworker after awhile as well.

  2. no need to feel terrible. if the bum you have at home cant handle himself and his family right, time to take out the trash. throw him to the curb. a real man, NEVER hits his wife or kids. he of course can spank them if they need it, but not HIT. two entirely different things. i would never consider raisnign a hand to my wife or kids. yes, i have spanked my kids when they needed it, even soanked my wife once, she wanted me too, but never hit or hurt them in any way. i too am a stay at home dad. well i ws, until my kids grew up and got married and moved out. now i am a stay at home husband. not because it is something my wife and i want, a medical condition does not allow me to work. i did for most of my adult life. three jobs at once, not becaus ei had too, but because i loved working. i grew up on a farm and worked 10, 12, sometimes 14 hours or more a day, at least 6 days a week, so that was aall i ever knew how to do was work. that all came to a crash in 2004 when i was 40. a ruptured anuerism knocked me down and it is taking me a while to hget back up. considering i should be dead and how i was, the fact that i am even able to type this is a miracle. anyways, neither here nor there, but a mans job is to take care of his family. in EVERY aspect, if he cant or wont, time to find someone who can.

  3. Life often times gives us signs that tell us when it’s time to change paths. Sometimes, those signs will come in the form of a new opportunity, a trauma, or a person. By my own personal experiences, I doubt that this new man is your next soulmate, but life has given you every sign that it’s time to move on from your husband, in the form of showing you his true colors. Since that didn’t work, it brought this man into your life to show you your worth. It’s time to live to your greatest potential, follow fate, and leave your husband. Best of luck to you.

  4. Honey, I can’t blame you. Abusive relationships can make the best of people lose themselves in trying to regain a footing. You need to call it what it is though because you and your child(ren) have been assaulted and abused.

    You do need to talk with your husband about how you’re feeling. He can either validate the claim and seek help for why he’s this way (maybe he’s depressed, maybe he was abused as a child, maybe he’s just an a-hole, who knows) but you can still choose life and freedom. Being with an abuser isn’t a path taken lightly, and I’d say you know your choice already since you’ve been with someone else anyway.

    Long, convoluted opinion short, trust in your actions and instincts, not what ifs and what may be. Neither you nor your children deserve abuse.

    Stay safe. My heart goes out to you.

  5. Maybe you are making your husband out to be barbaric so you can justify your affair. A lot of people will do that to make themselves feel better.

  6. In the long run, the co-worker may not be “the guy”, either, but your relationship with him could be the push you need to get out of a bad relationship. As Pixie wrote, he has been violent to you and to your children. You have the right, the ability, and the responsibility to leave, to protect yourself and your kids from any more violence. I believe that cheating on your husband is the least of your issues (my opinion only, and you don’t need to agree with it). I’ll add, though, if you leave him, please don’t leave your children WITH him. He is neither a good husband nor a good father, and you are are NOT his mother or caretaker.

  7. Leave your current husband, but be careful about it. Since he seems to be having anger issues, you’ll need help. Than go for the new man you like, while still making sure he’s not the same kind (appearances can be deceiving).
    It’s bad to cheat, but sometimes you don’t know what else to do because of the emotional implications of a divorce. Build up your courage, stop lying and take control. There are many people around the world who understand your situation, but you have to put an end to it.

  8. Talk to your husband and lay out what you want from him/how you want him to change. Consider going to relationship counselling if you don’t feel confident talking to him alone. If you’re not happy he needs to treat you better. There’s no point staying in a toxic relationship in the long term. It’ll be harmful for you and the kids.

  9. A person is only as good as his word. And you broke perhaps the most important vow you ever made. I agree with the speaker before me.

    You have all the right to be happy and that husband doesn’t seem worthy of you. So divorce him before making your move.

  10. From the way you described your husband, he sounds like a control freak who has serious anger management issues… Excuse me! Hitting a child for eating something?.. and put his hands around your neck! You mean, domestic violence honey! That’s not normal… Sometimes… we may be okay with the notion of a stay at home husband/dad… it can also work, but only if both work TOGETHER to make it work and share the tasks… but, that’s not the case here! Nearly all women prefer to be pampered… to be taken care of… but here… you are having to take care of everything. He could atleast have catered to the household chores… but… that’s not the case. So I can understand why you no longer love him as your husband. He did not give you what you long for… what you desire… that’s why you kept getting drawn to that man… but, now, it’s high time to clear this mess. No need to feel terrible. You are at fault… but your husband is even more at fault. Since you have kids, it would be better to communicate. Have a serious talk with your husband. Do not tell him about what happened with your colleague… but about your marriage… what you expect from him… he should shoulder his responsibilities. You cannot be both the bread winner and the housewife. Try to find a middle ground which will suit both of you. If he refuses to cooperate, well… you are an independent and financially secure woman. You know what you have to do. You are a human being and you deserve to be happy! All the best love!

  11. Love is dangerous, you can feel the flames ignite around you, but you soon know that it will burn down everything else. I advise you to follow your heart, because life is too short and you only live once, right? Do what’s best for you, even if it may sound so f*cking selfish, but you might want to consider what’s best for your kids aswell, I’m sure. I pray that this new man is good with kids, and that I wish the best of luck on your decision. This probably doesn’t help, but I like to think that it did.
    Take care

  12. Love is dangerous, you can feel the flames ignite around you, but you soon know that it will burn down everything else. I advise you to follow your heart, because life is too short and you only live once, right? Do what’s best for you, even if it may sound so f*cking selfish, but you might want to consider what’s best for your kids aswell, I’m sure. I pray that this new man is good with kids, and that I wish the best of luck on your decision. This probably doesn’t help, but I like to think that it did.
    Take care

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