My shattered futur
Posted by Anonymous in Sex on Sep 24th, 2008 | 20 commentsI am a 17 year old guy, classified as hot by many… Even though i pretend to be happy and innocent its all fake. I am always hurting inside, constantly. when i was young i was abused not by 1 but 3 people! Once i finally manage to escape 1, the other comes right at along. it started with my uncle, then my older cousin and finally my tutor. I managed to avoid them. However even at my age my uncle and cousin try get to me. i fear being alone with them because due to my past, i am deathly afraid of being raped and i almost become immobilized. I can’t tell a soul. I am ashamed to say anything. Recently, my uncle has been around a lot, bringing back painful memories. HE acts like nothing ever happened… My grades have been dropping and I’ve been loosing myself. i am trying to move on, i am trying to live my life.
but…
Its just not working… and it hurts that i am keeping such a deep secret hidden and my friendships based on a fake cheerful lie.
20 Responses to “ “My shattered futur”
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If you are harassed by them, call the police or something. you have to do something about this.Don’t just run away from the problem. Be brave.
I think you need to spill it out you know? Get a friend you really really trust dearly and spill it all out, tell him/her about it, I believe that by doing that you’ll be putting out all those bad/negative emotions you’re holding within and that would be the first step to ‘being alright’ again. I myself have a huge but I mean HUGE fear of getting raped, especially since I’m a girl and my mother always bugged me because of it and for that reason I can’t get into any stable relationship because I’m always afraid of what would happen next, I started talking to a friend about it and it’s very slowly going away. Don’t blame yourself for things that you can’t change (like past) even because it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t caused the situation. Don’t let yourself be near them cause that’ll trigger the fear but if you have to be near them, take three deep breaths, close your eyes, more three deep breaths, and then have faith that everything will be alright. I’m not talking about faith in God, but simply FAITH itself. I hope this helped and I hope the best for you.
Tell someone, I know its hard and you feel ashamed, because I also had to go though that I was abused be a friend of my father and it felt terrible I was just a little girl it was between the ages of 3 and 8, and he always pretended as if nothing happened. So I have an idea on how you feel and it is scary to tell it to anyone because you think you’re going to be rejected but I’m telling you it’s much better to tell someone so you can be helped.
Yuo’re not alone.
First, you’re stronger than you think you are both mentally, physically and emotionally. To be a victim of one family member is unacceptable but 2 other predators, unreal. You didn’t ask for this, you’re a victim and it’s affecting everything about you. You can’t change the past but you can keep it from happening again. You have a fear of it happening again which is understandable but you can’t allow that to happen. Check your city to see if they have a rape crisis hotline is which is anonymous. Sit down and think is there no one in your family you can tell who would be mature about it and believe you? I would say parents but that doesn’t sound like an option. If not, a friend but you have to be selective as you don’t want it be spread at school because someone may be jealous of you. Rapists always have a way of turning it back on the victim trying to convince everyone that the person asked and pursued it. I know you are afraid but to keep it inside is destroying you and any future relationships. Also, because this happened doesn’t make you gay, not something you asked for and you’re not to blame. You have a beautiful spirit, with life and opportunities awaiting. Don’t allow this to destroy you in school and in life. You matter, you have self worth. Don’t ever believe that you are not important and that God doesn’t love you. You’re 17 getting close to finishing school, your future is important whether college or another avenue. Your life matters, don’t give up because when you do, your uncle and cousines win. You’re too strong and as you said hot for that. Someone in the future will show you what real love it, not abuse or rape. Hopefully, that helps some but you really need someone to talk to.
Take some practical martial arts classes so you can defend yourself if anything happens. Look into Krav Maga, Muay Thai, Jijitsu; stuff like Karate, Taekwondo and Kung Fu don’t work well in a real self defense situation.
That was terrible. If what happened to will happen to me I’ll rather die, or if darkness invade my being I’ll kill those monsters! you’re great, because up until now you survived that terrible things happened. you overcome the possibility that you’ll lose yourself and gone mad or crazy. But like you said the past is hunting you again and the fear is there. you are already strong and you need to be more stronger than you do before after that things happened. you should find a way to avoid them totally, can’t you leave your town for example? don’t you have a relative abroad you can stay with that you might trust they won’t do the same? I understand you’re still a student. But your studies were suffering because of those monsters roaming around you again as if looking for a good opportunity to abuse you again. If you cannot leave because you’re still young unable to live independent, then you should call a police or something, or someone who can help you. Sue them in a court if you had to, get rid of that shame which is holding you back not bringing out the evilness of your relatives. your life is more important, got a future to look forward to. you just have to be brave and do something about your fear. you have to do what you got to do about them. if you’ll leave them they will finally abuse you again and at your age i know that would be destroying you and your whole being. like that someone who had comment on you said, try to learn on how to defend your self. So that if they’ll try to do that horrible thing again to you, you can beat them until they can’t move a limb. You can already teach them a lesson that your not the same as you use to be that they can abuse anytime they want! what a horrible persons! If I am you like i said, I wouldn’t survived that long. Maybe I did commit suicide or I turns out to be a murderer and probably suffering a lot hell like life in prison. Don’t be afraid anymore be brave you are a man you can over come that again. Your hot? well maybe that’s the reason they did that to you, they were admiring your beauty as a man until such time they were obsessed. So i tell you, if you gave up and let your past come to your present and future again, you will probably lose yourself and the bright future ahead of you. Be strong, be brave and have faith in your self. Good luck, i wish you a better life and i hope you can really be happy not just pretending.
U have to talk to someone about all this. telling us on the web wont do. Forget the shame that will come with that initially cos in the long run, U’l have relief.
Do you have a guidance counselor at school you could talk to? Or a teacher maybe? Is there a local teen center, or crisis hotline? You are not alone, this has happened to other people and it isn’t your fault. It’s not shameful to talk to a mental health counselor about what happened to you. It’s considered sexual abuse. Do not be alone with these people who have done this to you. You can fake stomach upset cuz they’ll prolly leave you alone to use the restroom, take the phone in there & call someone to come over there, then keep yourself locked in there till your friend gets there. Get some help kid, the sooner the better so you don’t feel so bad. Take care hon.
go to this site:
http://www.rainn.org/get-help
try to reach out and get help.this site has info so you can reach out for help, either with their toll-free number or by getting live help online.
I am so sorry about what happened to you.
Im really sorry to hear what has happened to you. I really think you should tell a friend you trust, like what the others had said. If I can help you, i swear I will do that. You’re a strong person. I hope you get the help you need.
First off I must say that I am truly sorry that you are going through this agony. Noone should have to go through that.
Secondly, you have to tell someone if not a friend or family member then let someone else know that you can trust. There are many organizations out there both online and in your neighborhood that will reach out and help you in crisis.
You do not want to be another suicide statistic.
tell someone.
they’ll help you and love you.
Tell someone you trust. I know that everyone says this but I’m reinforcing it. You need to tell someone. And the person who suggested some self defense classes was right. You should be prepared if something else happened. But you should prevent it by telling someone like the police. You’re not alone and you need to remember that. Even if we’re strangers we’re here to give advice and help how we can. So please take care of yourself and tell someone who can really help you.
There’s not anything I could say that would make you feel better. However I know the pain that a fake smile brings and the horrible you feel. Just try to forget, that’s what I always tell myself and it works, slowly but it works.
When i was three i was sexually abused by my neighbour. That was eleven years ago and since no one in my family talked about it because i had admitted it once when i was young, i assumed everyone forgot. Just as i did not forget neither did they. ONly now are we finally coming to terms with what it means. My abuser was a woman and so am i, i was alwaya confused because of this… It left me without much understanding of boundries. I later discovered i am gay, which believe me has nothing to do with my being abused although for a long time i thought that was why i felt that way for women. My pain and confusion made me hurt myself, i would cut and bruise myself, i would invoke my sister so much that i would get her to beat me until i couldn`t breathe. Eventually, after becoming so withdrawn from my world even though everyone saw a preppy, intelligent, athletic sports star who happened to be the most popular girl in school, i tried to kill myself. I thank god every day that i`m alive because i came so close to death it`s unbearable. My only advice as someone who has been through a lot of what you are is to talk to someone about it. And if you can`t talk to someone then write, in a book or on a computer then no one else could possibly get to, and write. When you`ve finally written out all of your feelings and you can read what you`ve written back to yourself in the mirror then i suggest you read it to someone, someone in your family you can trust. It will help. I promise you that.
wow that’s really sad.
i don’t know how you feel but if i were raped i wouldn’t tell anyone iether cause its embarrasing. its probibly harder on you cause your a boy. i suggest that you 1. learn to fight and beat butt if they try to touch you 2. carry gun with you.
learn to get over your past, its over so try to forget.
u definately need to tell someone i can imagine how scared and hurt u must be but not telling is hurting noone but u. If ur friends r really friends they will stick by u.
Please tell someone and get some support. You don’t deserve to feel this way and with help you can have a better life.
Good luck.
I have been there. I too was abused growing up. I didnt have to see them again after the incidences. I grew up in foster care. and it wasnt easy.
many people have asked how I had the childhood I did, and managed to grow up into a relatively normal woman, wife and mother. I tell them its because of 2 reasons.
1 I am an optimist. I have always seen the good side of things. sure I was raped as a child, but growing up I alwasy felt lucky I was not killed (my own mother tried to kill me when I was little)
2. I feel like I deserve to be happy. many people feel the opposite after a hard childhood, they feel life owes them. well I do too. but I feel it is me who has to make my life happy. no one else can do it for me.
I still have issues, and Im not happy all the time, I still get down, but I look at my family and I feel lucky.
I am not trying to make light of your situation. but I wanted to give you a different perspective.
I have always thought there is no way those people are going to ruin my life. I did very well at school because I tried hard, even when life around me was falling apart. I didnt want that to get in the way of my happyness.
I wish you all the very best with everything.