Incest & Rape

When I was seven years old, my Father molested and had sex with me. This continued for seven years, and only stopped because I moved out of the house. When I was younger I didnt understand what we were doing, and I was happy to be with my Father because this was the only time he was ever nice to me. Every other time he was cold and callous, but when we were together he was warm and comforting. He is trying to get me to move back into the house with him and my mother, but Im frightened to because I believe he has not changed, even though he has sworn to me he has. I want him to love me, but Im not sure if I can do what he wants anymore. Sometimes I think it would be so much simplier if I killed myself. I dont think my mother knows about my Father and I, and I hate myself for deciving her. I want to tell her, but Im afraid she will hate me for what Ive done. I want to tell someone, but Im worried my friends would despise me. I want to confront my Father about what he did to me, but the last time we argued, he raped me. I couldnt even go to the hospital because I was worried someone would find out. My Father is a very well known person in our community, and I dont want to destroy my familys good name. Im also scared that people would find out Im a gay male, as gay people are not treated well where I live. I just had to get this off my chest, maybe someday I can tell someone for real. Thanks for listening.



24 Responses to “ “Incest & Rape”

  1. Tamara says:

    Why would anyone hate you for being abused? You have done nothing wrong and while people who know you and your father may at first react in defensive denial they will eventually come around. You can go to a doctor or councillor and talk to them about it and due to patient-doctor confidentiality laws they cannot tell anyone about it unless you allow them to.

    I wish I could help you more and am sending my support from here.

  2. there is always help says:

    Please understand that you did NOTHING wrong. There are anonymous websites, help lines, even counselors who can help you sort this out. Do not harbor this painful secret, as secrets always have a way of manifesting in ways that can be harmful or destructive to you or someone else. Know that you CAN do something about it, just one step at a time. Good luck.

  3. Get Help says:

    I regret that this happened to you — my heart ached after I read this.

    You sound very lost and confused; please seek counseling, as this can have a profound effect on you, even well into your adult years (if not already). I’m glad that you shared your secret with us, but it shouldn’t remain as one.

    Don’t take your life; instead, LIVE and BE HAPPY. Good luck on all your endeavors.

  4. Mal says:

    Bro, your father is not a healthy man in this area. you were a child who did nothing wrong. it’s understandable that you enjoyed the warmth and caring that your dad showed during this time. you were a child who craved this from your dad so it makes sense that you would take this in any form. now your older and it’s time to make new decisions about how you want to live your life and what type of love relationships you want to create in your life. i encourage you to keep clear boundaries with your dad and seek support from a counselor you resonate with. good luck!

  5. anony says:

    whatever happend was a past/the way yu are convincing is like you missed it and wan to make it happen again.
    anyway good luck either way

  6. C says:

    I think you should tell your Mum!, how could you love your Dad after that – he obviously doesnt love you – you are your mums flesh and blood – he is not – she would kill to protect you so tell her

  7. anything is possible says:

    U cant live with that in ur heart all ur life i will pray for u and all the time God is the solution what ur dad did is very wrong get help try to avoid that this happend to another kid,i got kids and i love them so much and cuz i love them i will never going to do something to hurt them ur dad is sick and he need help too he doesnt love u did he ever say sorry to u i dont think so be strong dont take ur life i understand ur position dont sacrafice ur happiness for somebody who never love u take care and God nless u….

  8. jes says:

    I’m so sorry to hear your secret. It should not stay a secret. Your father is a sick individual perhaps he was abused too. He is selfish, sick, & only thinks of satisfying himself. He could be hurting others too.
    Seek counseling, tell your mom, and forgive but do not let him keep abusing and manipulating you. Have strength and love yourself.
    Your mother must know.
    Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you.

  9. Amethyst says:

    Seriously, Your dad is a plain b******.
    Why would he do something like that?
    Like the others said… you did absolutely nothing wrong. Don’t blame yourself! No one should hate you for being abused. Your father’s “good” name should be stained. I mean… Living a lie isn’t gonna help him at all. Everyone needs to know who he really is.

    You need to get help. Don’t ever bottle your feelings inside!
    Good Luck.

  10. Me too says:

    I was in your shoes….When I was younger my cousin molested me for 9 years…I tried to tell my family but no one believed me…So I was punished for “lying”…but finally I got someone to believe me…And after a long recovery things are back to normal…I feel so much better since I told…You need to tell someone too…

  11. LuSiD says:

    2 separate issues:
    1. dealing with your rapist father
    2. coming out of the closet

    you don’t need to tackle both at once.

    you could always also just get a few butch mates to go around and beat him with telephone books and rape him.

    not that I would advocate or recommend a violent path to find a solution >:

  12. rachel says:

    honey tell your mother what happened and what he did to you. if your mother were to hate anyone it would be your father. you did absolutely nothing wrong I wouldnt move back in but explain why to your mom I hope i helped sweetie.

  13. deed says:

    [quote comment="3777"]I think you should tell your Mum!, how could you love your Dad after that – he obviously doesnt love you – you are your mums flesh and blood – he is not – she would kill to protect you so tell her[/quote]

    You are absolutly right that he should tell the mother, but always remember that two wrongs can not make it right; therefore my advice to you is that just move on and start A NEW LIFE. You have to think how this will destroy you mom if you tell her? since your mom is not all that young to switch gears. GOOD LUCK

  14. Shaka says:

    My cousin was molested from the age of 9 onwards for 7 years, by a family member she refuses to identify (she is now in her 50′s). She says she told her mother about it but she refused to believe her and ignored it due to social embarrassment and stigma. Sometimes going and complaining to your parent(s) doesn’t help if they are not strong enough to deal with the reality. My cousin still holds her mother responsible for what happened to her, despite repeatedly telling her she was being molested she let the perpatrator be around the family.

  15. Nicky says:

    I think your mother would know your father pretty well by now, and should have picked up on certain characteristics of the man she has been married to for so long. I think you should tell her and be prepared to move away if need be..Also it is perfectly natural to want and hope for love from your parents, because that is what they are supposed to do..right? From experience it is not you, it is them, and I know you will blame yourself for being unlovable. Fill yourselelf with love,, be true to yourself..and say no to secrets any more. :O) love is everything.

  16. Javin says:

    There’s every chance that your mother will be in complete denial. You will come out to look like a liar unless you’re willing to go all the way. You can’t half-ass this and tell a few people (even your mother) if you’re not willing to prosecute.

    Personally, I believe you are definitely not the only one your father is molesting and raping. You should feel obligated to press charges, or you will be condoning his behavior, and the rapes of other children will be on your shoulders.

    Your father is a sick, twisted monster. You should not desire his “love” or even “friendship.” He needs to be locked away in a cage like the animal that he is, or maybe even put down.

    Seek counseling, and seek legal advice. He needs to be stopped.

  17. huey says:

    you had a sexual relationship for 7 years then walked out without a word… Wow that’s ******* cold-hearted.

  18. Scared and Confused says:

    I just wanted to give an update about how my life is going for all the people who cared enough to comment. Things haven’t been going very well at all. I found out that my mother knew almost from the beginning what was going on, and my father convinced her it was a one time thing and it would never happen again. Of course he lied, and she found out it had not stopped when I was twelve, my father told her that he would run off with me if she took me away from him, and he would leave her with no money. So we aren’t really speaking all that much. I’m living with my godfather, who had no idea that this was going on. He found out that it was going on from my mother, who told him because she wanted him to take me in until my parents divorce goes through. I am trying to become emancipated, but my father is contesting it. I found a great boyfriend who has been very supportive, he is the first and only person I have told about this. He’s stood by me every step of the way, and he is a real guiding light in my life, and all the supportive comments I have received from the caring people on this site have helped as well. After it was recommended that I see a therapist, I found a wonderful man to see and he is really helping me work through my problems. He also diagnosed me with Stockholm syndrome so I am also receiving help for that. I will not prosecute my father for what he did because I love him and I do not want to see him go to jail. If I am the only person he abused, and I really believe I am, I feel that it is no one else’s problem but mine, and the police would bring far too much stress and attention for me and my family. As for him possibly harming others, honestly I could care less. That’s their business not mine. I have a very limited capacity to care for others, my boyfriend, my friends, my godfather, my father, and my mother to a lesser extent are the only people I care for at all. I am also seeking legal advice, because of my desire to become emancipated, but for nothing else. I do not consider walking out on a seven year sexual relationship cold hearted because I feel now that I was too young to begin with, and I was manipulated into it. It would be cold hearted to walk out on my boyfriend, because we are sexually active. I love him so I feel no need to wait on sex with him. I know he loves me very much as well, so that is thankfully not an issue. I’m just trying to take my life one day at a time, and see my boyfriend as much as possible. Thank you again for all the comments and advice. It’s nice to know that people out there can care about me, even though they don’t know me. I hope to be able to get over this and move on with my life. When I feel I can trust my father again, if ever, I hope to reconcile with him. Thank you again, and I hope to read more help and advice from the caring, and not so caring people who post here.

  19. XXX says:

    Honestly, the guy has ver low self-esteem, so he picks on people. Forgive him… Stay out of the house… At least. Realize that true confidence comes from
    within… With or without anyone or anything, regardless of what your father says.

    Realize that we here are really no different than you.

    We have sexual fantasies and you’re gay, so you have them about guys.

    I’m straight, so I have them about chicks whom I wod never sleep with.

    Realize that you are somebody, regardless what anyone says of you.

    My mom confessed to sexually abusing me.

    Most of us here have a loose end… I’ll never put my name or organization on this thing.

    Most people have a loose end… In fact… It’s my theory that all girls have a fantasy of being with their dads from 6 to 11 and honestly, reality might kick in and society might say “that’s horrible” and I accept that, (they do to) but the fantasy and desire never ceases, even if you never participate in it… Then if you did, most feel guilty because they like it.

    Participate in society and realize that it is wrong in real life…
    recognize that most people go there in their minds and enjoy that place…
    Forgive him for doing what he did and be the bigger man for walking away from it in real life.

    Fantasy and real life are like the difference between a rubber snake and a real one.

    Focus on improving your own life, go to school, start a business, etc.

    I used to feel the same way, confused, in-between in my heart… But then I found that to fantasize is okay but the real thing is horrible.

    You felt loved when you were with him, and you miss that

    create that feeling in your heart and hang out with friends who can fill that void for you… People who want a righteous life, just like you.

    What if Im your favorite rockstar sending this message?

    I just might be.

    Love

  20. razzie says:

    Wow.. you are an amazing person for wanting to reconcile things with your father after what he’d done to you, but I really don’t think he deserves your kindness

  21. Bevvy says:

    Firstly huey you are a sick sick b******!!!

    Enough said.
    Scared and confused, it is fantasic to hear you are taking your life back. You sound like you do have supportive people like your godfather and boyfriend.

    I am very humbled that you want to forgive your father but never forget…to quote a very famous writer, he has lost his right to play in our playground. He does not belong in society and when he contests the emancipation order please make sure that the proper authorities know this. Do not lose your independence for the sake of his freedom.

    Good luck in the future

  22. dreamer123 says:

    rape is somthin you dont want its not your fault at all !! if i were raped i would possibly think what you are thinking but is twice as hard on girls like myself and if you like males well its your life not anyone elses and for you to tell the public your personail life thts very brave but as you said he promices he is different he is not and will never be different always the same dumb bastered ! one of my friends has been raped a few times and when she told on him he got off with parrol if she had told sooner he might of been sittin in prison soo ser do wht you think is right in your mind no one elses.

  23. Mask says:

    He hasn’t changed. They NEVER change. Call the police. Does your mom know? Don’t let him get away with this.

  24. Osiris says:

    Never let him get away with this, do the right way. Get some help on the authority. You can forgive him anytime you want, but justice must be served. Don’t be scared.