I’m jealous of everyone that is sexually satisfied in their relationship.
Posted by Cassie in Sex on Sep 23rd, 2010 | 15 commentsI’m in a relationship that I’m happy with in every other way, almost all the time.
But my sexual needs are not being met. I don’t want to cheat, and I’ve tried to communicate with him. He’s not gay, and he’s not cheating. His sex drive is just way, way, way lower than mine and it makes me feel abandoned in that way.
When we first got together, it was never an issue. He wanted me, often and a lot. I haven’t changed, and neither has he. (Same weight, looks, and everything.)
I don’t think sex twice a week is even enough but that’s what our goal is, it’s supposed to be a compromise but he won’t work with me. He hates that it’s so important to me but I can’t change who I am.
And I’m just frustrated and upset because everyone else I know is having great sex in their great relationships.
15 Responses to “ “I’m jealous of everyone that is sexually satisfied in their relationship.”
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I was in a relationship like that for many, many years and am familiar with the jealousy, anger and self-worth problems that it brings up. I can tell you, it doesn’t get better, it gets worse. I recommend moving on.. but that’s just me, gotta always look out for #1
As always its about me me me. Jeez woman don’t believe all the verbal crap you are fed by other women. 1 clue…THEY HAVE AN AGENDA!!! Also if you have made it clear in your small mind that youre not getting enuff **** then consider becoming a prostitute. Get paid for your stupidity.
Finally your BF sounds like a standup guy who works hard and 2x a week is more than most couples actually admit to. Finally GROW UP!!!!!
Cassie,
Here’s my advice, I’m not even sure if that was what you were looking for. But here goes. Quit looking at EVERYONE ELSE! This will only leave you unsatisfied and unappreciative for what you have. I know you might want more sex, which is not bad, but if you quit looking at other people and what they have you’re only going to make yourself feel worse. Be happy. Find something you two love to do and put all your energy and time into together and I bet you’ll totally forget about 2 nights a week sex. Which is more than what I’m getting woman! Just saying. Hope you find contentment with what sounds like an amazing relationship.
Twice a week isn’t half bad, I don’t think you should leave him over this, he is still a good guy, just get a vibrator. ; )
To IDK – thank you for your insight, it gave me the courage to speak up and be firm enough to let him know exactly how I feel.
To Laura – I want it four or five times a week, he only wants it about once a week. Our compromise was to make it work for us about twice a week, BUT he’s not doing it. Sometimes I wait for him to initiate, other times I try to start it. But no matter what, we never seem to have sex twice a week. And that, honestly, is crucial.. Twice is a week is a bare minimum and I’m unhappy without us meeting even that. And I have a vibrator… But I feel that I shouldn’t be quite so dependent on it while being in a relationship, you know?
And as for the rest of the story..
I did talk to him, and let him know that it’s a fundamental difference. We are both frustrated because we love each other very, very much.
I’m not sure what we’re going to do but I told him I’m only giving him until the end of the month to make a decision.. I’ve tried to be patient for months and months and it needs to end sometime. (I also tried different types of sex, offering to explore fantasies, dress up, roleplay, etc.) He says the sex is still as amazing now as it’s always been, that this is just the way he is. But for me… It’s torture. Either we’re going to make it work, or we’re not.
Cassie please read up on male reproductive system, it takes a guy lots of juice to do it twices a week and you want it 5 times a week……. you have a vibrator use it that what it’s for.
try to bring another women in yr relations so to see if can arouse him to the level of 5 times week,
all the best haha
Have you talk about this to your family doctor? He just might be low on male hormone. If he is there is a product by prescription called AndroGel. He only has to rub this in once per day. I am on it and believe me, it works. The level of hormone should be between 300 and 1000. Mine was just above 300. I have been on it for two months now and it has worked wonders. Now if I could get my young girlfreind to just keep up with me.
I was in the same situation for a few years, and it just kept getting worse. I eventually gave him an ultimatum; start counselling or see the MD within the next two weeks or I’m gone.
He went to the MD, who ran blood work and found he was VERY low in testosterone. He is on Androgel and finally back to normal.
Something maybe looking into.
U said n the beginning he wanted u often and a lot so something has changed and its him. He is very selfish, husband and wife must take care of each others needs. Single people take care of their own needs but if u r married its ur spouse’s job. Sex and intimacy is huge n a married its not a want but a need. It can’t survive without, people stop fooling urself that it can. Its a dead marriage walking. This is coming from a 44yr young male who thinks women r God’s gift to the world and its his greatest creation of them all.
Hiya.
I’m in the same boat with my wife, but further down the road. Him claming up and not initiating is a defensive move on his part. He doesn’t feel like he’s enough for you and is afraid of doing something wrong.
Your wanting sex that much is a cry to him that you feel disconnected and ignored. You want the connection back, and sex is the ONE PLACE you feel that connection, so you need it.
It’s a vicious cycle that does get worse. Find a sex therapist in you area now if you want to save your marriage. Don’t wait like I did, because it can get a lot worse. Like finding out HE’S cheating. Because honestly… He’s more vulnerable to an affair than you are right now. All he needs is for a pretty girl to like him without the pressure, and he’ll jump on it like you want him to jump on you.
Get therapy. Now. I waited. For one more month. Then another month. 6 months later sex started getting better… Because I wasn’t the only one stoking her fire.
If you’re sex drive’s were compatible when you first met then something has clearly changed.
Is your husband under stress at work, suffering depression or has a he had some sort of traumatic experience recently? all of these can lower his sex drive and to be honest pressuring him will make it worse and he’ll end up feeling inadequate if he doesn’t already.
Sit down and discuss it with him and maybe get him to see his doctor and i’m sure it’ll work itself out. If you really love your husband then lack of sex is a poor excuse to end the relationship in my opinion.
I totally understand or can relate to what you’ve shared. Whereas for me, my bf is the one who’s sexually active.
He has shared with me about his urges and that he can’t help it when he gets aroused. And that happens very often as long as he can see my bra! Once he sees it, he’ll just start fantasizing, and *poof*, erection.
Maybe you can try asking him what are the things that makes him arouse, and see how u can work from there. I really hope that everything will work out for u in the end.
It wont get better.
Years down the road, as he leaves you more and more alone, you WILL reach out, and WILL stray, to get what you need. There is nothign wrong with this need. What is wrong is staying with this man who cannot meet it.
I am divorced because of this issue.
My lover is also divorced because of this issue. We look back and think, wouldve been nice to have met 20+ years ago. (I’m 47, she’s 42). We also enjoy greatly our mutual strong sex drive! We’ve been dating for three years and it has only gotten stronger… (a ‘good’ week for us is 6x….our 24 hour record is also 6x…)
So, dump the guy. Find one who fulfills EVERY aspect of you. They are out there. sometimes where you least expect it. If you stay, you will regret it. You will REALLY REALLY regret it.
Were you satisfied with you life before you found out how much sex everyone else was getting?
Do what men do ………. jerk off in between events. My wife has a vibrator for the times when I’m unavaliable.
There will come a time when you will not want any at all. Pace yourself.