I’m Addicted :(
Posted by Anonymous in Sex on May 19th, 2010 | 28 commentsI’m a 13 year old, and i hate admitting things like this.. But i’ve being watching pornography, for over a year now. I’m so ashamed of myself, I am a true believer in God, and i feel as if i am letting him down, i always pray to him and ask him for my forgivness, but then i go and do it again, all the time. I just can’t control myself, nobody knows i do, i delete my internet history, My parents, friends, family non of them know. I don’t want to tell them, I just need help. I just get the urge to all the time, if i told people, they wouldn’t see me as the girl i make out to be, I’m a fun loving kind girl, but i’m just so ashamed of myself :’(
28 Responses to “ “I’m Addicted :(”
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My simple advice is stop trying to fight by your strength, you cannot make it. You have mentioned that you’re a true believer of God and thats a powerful source of strength and power to overcome any kind of bondage. Every time the urge comes dont leave God behind involve Him, share your feelings (He created you and He is not ashamed or put off by your current feelings) be open to Him as a friend, admit to Him youre overwhelmed and need His help. When you will stop trying by your strength, you will realize that the pornography has no any power at all over you.
I can not believe you are so ashames of this.
Your body is going through a lot of bilogical changes right now, you are turning into a young woman. You are descovering new things about your body as it grows and changes, you are finding out how to enjoy yourself, and some day, how to let other people please you too.
I am sure many of your friends (both guys and girls) do this as well, I know I sure did!! And now with the introduction of the internet porn is even easier to find then ever.
I do not believe in God, but if he does excist, I doubt he would be mad at what you are doing. Why else would he give you the ability? The clitourus is the only organ dedicated to sexual pleasure, and only human females have them!! So why not make use of it?
As grim as this sounds, you might be hit by a bus tomorrow and killed, at least you would of enjoyed yourself before that happened. What you are doing is not illegal and it’s not hurting anyone.
I think I had more to say here, but I have lost my train of thought.
Just please, don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? It’s perfectly fine what you are doing!!
This is the first time I have ever posted on here, after reading for quite a while, I just feel so bad for you having to go through so much unnecessary negitive emotion.
Good luck!!
Well, if you are a true believer in God, get used to hating yourself. That’s what that’s all about.
exactly alphaandomega, exactly.
take this to heart, OP, then get over it and enjoy yourself. :)
I’ve had the exact same problem since I was around your age, (except I’m a guy) I would manage to go without for periods of time, but to be honest I eventually gave in as I’m not a very strong person. I have since drifted out of church life, still believe though.
Now I’m not bombarded with people telling me it’s a sin, I seem to have lost the shame factor somewhat, it’s still there don’t get me wrong but I’ve learnt to live with it and use it to my advantage.
I would say one other thing, you are not alone. In this internet age I’m willing to bet all teenagers have a tendency to access this stuff or at least try to. It’s natural curiosity.
I accept that this post may have been unhelpful, but I’m not one for giving out phoney advice. Good luck. :)
First of all, I love LowlyRandom’s response. Our bodies are amazing and equipped to experience sexual pleasure. Be happy your parts are working!
There’s nothing wrong with watching porn, there’s nothing wrong with having sexual urges and there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing. However, any compulsive behavior (where you feel out of control) is really a symptom that something in your life needs some attention. The actual compulsive act is irrelevant (it could just as easily be a compulsion to overeat, use drugs or shop). An addiction disrupts your life and interferes with your interpersonal relationships. It sounds like this may be true for you. If it is, then know that the cause of any kind of suffering are just thoughts and you have full control over your thoughts and feelings, because you are not your thoughts–you are the observer of them.
Don’t be ashamed, there’s no upside to that.
Here’s a site you may want to check out to help you clean up your thoughts (and I don’t mean trying to get you to stop thinking about sex! You’re human, that’s just part of the package):
http://www.thework.com/index.php
Think of it like mental hygiene, questioning thoughts that cause you to suffer and act out. Compulsive behavior can give you a false sense of temporary control or provide temporary relief from a feeling you find unpleasant or unpleasant. But here’s the thing: feelings are meant to be felt, not avoided–compulsions are born by running away from the feelings. I agree with Chakoo2 when he/she says porn has no power over you, it doesn’t. Nothing does, you are always in control, you just need to discover this for yourself :)
If you believe your behavior is compulsive or “out of control” I encourage you to talk to your parents about it (you didn’t mention what your relationship with them is like, but if they are generally supportive, I can guarantee they will want to know how they can help you). I have 2 daughters, they are younger, but I know I would want to know how I could best help them get relief from any suffering.
lowly random and emiko are right… i did this too when i was your age… it last for about 3-4 years! its normal. dont be ashamed.
There is nothing wrong with what you’re doing! All those people you think are so religious and pure are doing exactly the same as you!
Most people look at porn. You would only be weird if you WEREN’T interested in it!
Just don’t let your parents find out. It might be totally normal, but parents don’t want to know that their baby has been looking at porn lol!
thankyou guys so much, i will try to not watch it.. but now i know its okay! thankyou so much for all your support <3
It’s okay, I used to have that problem too. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I mean there are a lot of other kids that are probably hiding that too.
My advice is to find something to distract you. When you get a strong urge to watch it, go outside. Take a walk and think things through, or call a friend. Hope that helps. Good luck.
It’s okay. I did the same thing when I was 13. Our Lord loves us just the way we are. No worries about that. After a while, I got my fill. It’s natural for you to be interested in porn at your age. There are lots of hormones going on. Don’t worry so much. :)
I had issues with that in my youth and when I hit my lowest point. I confessed it to god and cry ask for the power not to want it, and I didnt but I fell back into the trap years later but i have it mainly under control. boredom is realy a tool of the devil.
i am a little bit older than you, i have been introduced to porn when i was 13 and i still look at it… so i mean its completely normal.
if you are still uncomfortable with it, then you can go to a school counselor or a counselor out of school as well you can talk to your doctor, and aswell, you can phone child advice # things :)
hope it sort of helps :)
just because people do something doesn’t make that thing ok! I particularly disllike this being used to justify anything.
Trying to stick to your faith and beliefs and failing doesn’t make you bad at all. You say you’re a believer? Then you should know there’s no limit to God’s love & forgiveness for you..if you ask for it. However, failing but then convincing yourself its not a sin isn’t exactly the same as asking for forgiveness! So would you expect it?
it doesn’t matter if its lying or adultery, stealing or murder.
Google keywords: ”there’s no condemnation bible verse”
don’t be ashamed. it can be your own thing. people don’t have to know about it. And don’t be ashamed. alot of people are the same way, girls and guys
Seriously people. Telling a 13 year old that watching porn is “okay” has got to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. She believes you 1, because she does’t want to feel guilty and 2, because she’s 13.
I know from experience, porn has a deceptive way of demoralizing you while watching it and those involved in it. God, our maker, placed something in you that makes you feel guilty when you watch it, it’s called a conscience. You are worth so much more than you can imagine, and porn takes self-worth away. It leaves you with no dignity, and if it was okay, it wouldn’t have “You must be 18 or 21 to view…” posted all over the site. Porn desensitizes you those acts and distorts your perception of love and intimacy. If you can’t stop, then it is an addiction, and you should please please tell someone that you can trust (not someone else that is addicted). You need to get a same-sex accountability partner and ask them to check up on you, and be honest with them. Also, don’t try NOT to watch it.. that will just make you want to watch it more. Instead, just focus on other things. Focus on your faith, or a hobby, athletics, anything, but always keep your thoughts going toward something else. I’m sure every atheist out there will shoot down this response, but I know and have seen it happen to others. Yes, hormones are natural, but porn is NOT natural. People get urges to have sex with animals too, but it’s not legal.. why.. because it’s not natural. You can do this, do something now about it, and you’ll get to live the rest of your life free. Don’t and you’ll spend the next half of your life wondering where your self-worth went, where your virginity went, and where all those countless hours of your life went.
ya it makes you feel ashamed because dicks like that^^ tell you tobe ashamed, everyone watches porn, im sure you where interested in sex alot younger than 13 its better to play with yourself than go get pregnant or get an std. Dont have sex until you can meet someone that LOVES you for you not the fact your a virgin ( if you are hopefully) use it as a study guide for when you are ready, just know that 99.999% of porn IS NOT how relationships are and should NOT be looked at other than something you would like to do with someone you love. Even the weird ones like 3somes and..well porn can get very , very gross sometimes lol, but i mean use common sense and you will be fine. long story short
porn is okay, dont get crazy about it, but everyone watches it, even kids younger than you, it’s curiosity about life and hell, it might turn you on, so that’s cool, better a screen than some guy. cant get preggo or catch an std from Mac or PC lol
I agree with you. Of course the Devils emps will tell her to look at it. It’s normal. But we know that’s a lie. She even believes the lie before the truth. Classic case of evil intervention to destroy her before she begains her life.
I thought I was the only girl who watched porn. I’m 14, I’ve had the obsession of watching porn since I was 10 sadly. My friend showed it to me once, and then I just couldn’t stop watching it. I feel like a freak all the time! I think I watch it because hormones and that I have no boyfriend to kiss or anything. So it happens. At least I know I’m not the only one, I really want to stop, but it’s like quittinf smoking.
Hi Anonymous,
Am glad you know God, cos the guilt you feel is because God loves you and is trying to tell you that what you are doing is wrong. anyone telling you otherwise does not have the fear of God in them. Do not listen to comments written that it is normal and you are not alone in it, there is nothing normal about it because there are people of your age and older than you who do not engage in such act. First, you cannot fight this fight with your own strenghth, Pornography is a demonic spiritual fight, and has to be fought spiritually and physically. When the thoughts of it comes to your mind, shout inside of your spirit ” Satan get thee behind me in the Name of Jesus” and then plead your mind with the Blood of Jesus. This are the greatest spiritual weapon u have against this sin.
Secondly, the physical fight involves dratic measures by you, first try and get a free Porn filter downloaded on your computer to block all pornographic websites and type a password with your eyes closed, so you are not tempted to remove it. Also try as much as possible not to be alone when surfing the net, it protects you cause there is somebody watching you or someone around you.
Pray always, God is a loving father and willing to help you get throug this. You will overcome , God Bless you!!
God Bless You!
I don’t know who you are, but you have just awakened passion in my heart. Thank you.
I don’t have much advise these days. To be honest, life’s battles are much harder than I ever thought they would be. All I have is my own story, maybe it will help in some way.
I became an internet porn addict at 15 years old. I can remember riding home on the school bus with my heart pounding as I made my secret plans to get what I wanted without being caught. It wasn’t just the pornography that was exciting, it was the process of getting it, hiding it, and eventually taking more and more risk to watch it. It became a comfort to my loneliness and a friend in darkness. I kept telling myself, this wont last forever, I’ll be able to stop eventually. Through my guilt and shame I would cautiously pray to God that he would not leave me. Much like you, I would ask for forgiveness knowing that I would do it again in the near future. My heart craved love, adventure, and intimacy but the only thing I got was shame and fear. I wanted desperately to cry out to God in total repentance, but I couldn’t. I loved my addiction too much to give it up. And so up and down I went, lonely, afraid, tempted, struggle, yielding, euphoria, Fear, Shame, guilt, over and over again. Many times I would just completely give up and indulge myself for days, but then again feelings of fear and shame would overwhelm me until I admitted defeat to God and resolved to keep trying. Many times I just wanted to die. The fear of being found that I was a little pervert by the Christian community was beyond what I could handle. Looking back now, I realize that God never left me. He just didn’t do his work as quickly as I wanted him to.
I am now 29 years old, married with a little daughter. I am no longer stuck in those same cycles but now I feel the scars of what it did to me. I still feel cravings to this day and am realizing that I may have them the rest of my life. I tell my wife everything now. Sometimes I have to tell her that I looked at pornography and then I watch as tears stream down her face as it breaks her heart. She is the first person in my life that has been impacted by my addiction. She is also the first person that can forgive me and I feel it. She looks at me with hurt in her eyes and says she loves me and forgives me even though it hurst. God is using her in my life to show me that he is absolutely crazy about me. My heart is too big for this world. I was made for more than this world can offer. Sadly my flesh is still strong and overwhelms me still with temptation and desire. But more now than ever I am experiencing freedom. Jesus came that we might have life and have it abundantly. I am learning to admit that I am out of control and my needs go deeper than I can bear.
Even today it has been a battle with my flesh. But you know what? It’s worth it. I sit down with 2 guys early in the morning every week and we admit our weaknesses to each other. We don’t judge one another, we just love each other. It has been a process as I expose my failures, and my secret desires learning how to trust people. When I am finished talking, they look at me and accept me fully for who I am and STILL want to be my friend. Jesus died on that cross for a reason. He died because he is passionate for me and nothing will get in his way of fully redeeming me, calling me his Son! I have tried what this world has to offer, it is mere medication, a bandaid for a bleeding and dieing heart.
But the battle is damn hard and Satan will try anything to derail me. I admit that I do not love God very much. But he is convincing me every day that He loves me and will not let me go. He has promised to meet me when I am lonely, step in close when I am afraid. He really is all I have.
I wish to this day that I would have told my dad about my addiction. I learned recently that he had similar struggles. Dieing to myself means that I jump off that cliff and cry out to the world, “This is who I am; Desperate, Needy, Afraid, Broken. God…please catch me, if you don’t I will die”.
And He is catching me…
you watch porn
so what?
it’s a natural thing
your body is full of hormones
what makes me angry is that the church says being horny is wrong.
your body creates hormones
i believe that the church is teaching the wrong things
this is why i believe that god wouldn’t be angry with you watching porn
although i think it is wrong, it doesnt mean he’s going to stop loving you.
he created you and you are imperfect
don’t let what the CHURCH thinks affect you
i say that because i dont think what everything the CHURCH says is what GOD means to say.
It’s really addictive and damaging. However, Phillipians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Pray often and you will move away from it. I know its tough. It grips many Christians. Remember God loves you very much and He hears your cries.
I can’t read through all the responses but on the off chance none have mentioned what I am about to write I have to. If you are compelled to indulge in porn against your feelings then what you are dealing with is an addiction. It isn’t one that a lot of people can understand so I won’t say you should share it with those close to you. But you should seek help that will keep your addiction out of public but help you with it. Best wishes.
Awww, sweetheart there is nothing wrong with what your doing. And God forgives you, trust me, your NOT letting him down. Lot’s of people do it, nothing to be ashmed of. I understand how you feel, it’s all a part of how your body, and brain work. Some people have stronger urges than others, nothing wrong with that. : )
The voice of the Devil mixing truth with lies. Of course God loves her. But what she is doing is not right. Be gone Satan in the name of Jesus.
Kid don’t worry about this. I’m a little jealous listening to this problem because I didn’t start jerkin it till I was 14 1/2.
Be lucky that you have the internet to explore your sexual fantasies lol. Don’t worry about there’s nothing wrong with you. But keep deleting that history because if you don’t the only thing you got coming your way is an awkward talk from the parents.