I cheat, but I’m in love.

I love my boyfriend very much and want nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my life. We’ve been together for a year and a half and have been shopping for engagement rings and talking very seriously about marriage, which really excites me and makes me sooooo very happy, but I can’t stop cheating on him.
I’m not trying to find someone else to love me, or even like me… I’m not trying to get off… I’m just looking to have a sexual connection with other people.
I don’t know if it’s because sex is something I’ve been given praise for, so now I want to use it to validate myself or something? I don’t know. I’ve come up with every possible reason. I’m bi-polar, and I know that can cause promiscuity and I’ve only cheated during mania… so maybe that’s the reason? But I don’t want to blame bi-polar for my mistakes. I hate that.
To top it all off, I’ve been cheating on him with my best friend’s ex boyfriend whom she still has feelings for… and he currently has a live-in girlfriend.
Maybe I’m just addicted to sex? Because it’s not confined to just one person and I feel better knowing that the individual mentioned above has a girlfriend because it lessens the risk of any emotional attachment or feelings developing that don’t apply to lust.
I don’t know how to stop… and I don’t know if I want to stop.
I just want to stop feeling this way so I can continue to have a happy and complete relationship with my boyfriend.
I don’t know if this is possible.

17 thoughts on “I cheat, but I’m in love.

  1. I agree that it sounds like a primary issue is your Bipolar Disorder, especially if this only happens while you are manic. If you don’t have a therapist and psychiatrist right now to talk you through issues and prescribe medication, please do so. I’m sure you know all of this already, but if you find the right combination of meds, you will hopefully have less frequent manic episodes, and a therapist will help you sort through the root of your actions. In the meantime, be kind to your boyfriend and don’t make any major decisions like getting engaged. And also keep in mind that these things never ever stay a secret forever…so think ahead to the direction you will take when this comes to light.

  2. keep on doing what your doing cause let me tell you your boyfriend is not stupid he knows what your doing the real reason he doesn’t say anything is because he really does not care because he is doing the same crap to you if you havent notice the world is round which makes sense when i tell you that if he is not doing it now eventually he will and if he doesnt the person you really fall for will after all what goes around comes around

  3. DO NOT MARRY HIM.

    Okay, now that I have that out of the way I’ll give you my reasoning. First off: I was in a very similar situation a couple years ago. I have borderline personality disorder (similar to bipolar in many ways) and I also have a problem with promiscuity. I have also been told I’m “good in bed” and think I use sex as a way to validate myself. I also cheated on my boyfriend for the entire two years we were dating. He eventually caught me and we broke up…for a day. Then he begged me to come back. Then we got married. Big mistake on both our parts.

    I went a year and a half without cheating on him and I was relatively happy but my BPD came out in other ways — mainly temper tantrums and manipulating little jabs meant to make him feel like a shitty husband/person — but I was loyal. Then some shit happened (I’ll go into it if you want but that’s really another story) and I started cheating again. I had two one-night stands, then a more serious affair which is still going on and causing me all sorts of inner turmoil (again, another story).

    So, from one mentally ill woman to another, don’t do it. There isn’t a day that I don’t regret getting married — not because my husband isn’t a great guy but because I wish I’d taken the time to get help for my disorder and get to know myself a little better. Now I’m considering divorce. Please, please, PLEASE don’t put yourself in that situation.

    Hope this helps.

  4. im in the same boat , today is my birthday and i cheated ,again:( i just turned 17, im dating a guy who is 20 he goes to university has his engineering diploma and has his own car and a job, he has an avaerage of 4.1 (max is 4.3) AND AN I.Q OF 149… SO THAT says alot! he is a great influance on me and has not had many sexual experiance im his second hes my 30th! so yeh he nos my sexual backround and trusted me i has no intensions of cheating on him but once i let a man finger me and eat me out and i didnt relize wat i was doing till 2 secs after i pushed him off i told my bf and he gavee me another chance.. he was broken , and that even hurt me to see him broken .. then a month later i went to see my friend we were wretsling and he kissed me and felt me up (not all the way) i pushed him off, but i still let it happen ( i didnt tell my bf that.. i dont feel as guilty as first time) today.. another friend was over we were watching movie and then he kissed me(i kissed back:( and my also felt me up.. almost led to intercourse then i felt guilty and pushed im off…WHY DO I LET THIS HAPPEN , WITH NOO INTENSIONS OF CHEATING!!!! I NO FOR A FACT MY BF ISN’T AND I CARE ALOT ABOUT HIM, WHY DO I PUT MYSELF IN THOSE POSITIONS!!

  5. Read the following novels: Anna Karenina, The Awakening, Madame Bovary, Damage, The End of the Affair

    The first three novels feature heroines who cheated and then died.

    I cheated too and although I am not currently, I will again. And if death is the result, then so be it; living a life bereft of passion is a death in itself.

    There are two types of love: passionate and compassionate. I refuse to give up one for the other, unless absolutely necessary (ie my husband, who allowed me to take a lover, tells me no the next time).

    We are not meant to be monogomous; and if you meet “the one”, while you are with your current partner, the pain you will feel will drive you to insanity. I know. I’m there.

    Good Luck. Let us all know how it turns out for you.

  6. i;m in the same boat you are but i’ve been married for almost 10 years now. i started cheating at the beginning and stopped for long time nd swore i would never do it again after we had our child (2.5 yeas ago) but here i am cheating again… i love him with so much and owe so much to him. but i dont know i still do it.. i am too bi-polar and have not chosen to take any meds. i dont know if its that or what.. but i just wanted to say i feel your pain. i’m so confused. i feel like matter what chose i choose its gonna be wrong.. good luck!!!!

  7. You say that you are bi-polar—this I think is the reason for your behavior, not some moral failing as others on here are implying. The other commentors clearly know nothing about bi-polar disorder or mania.

    Get some help, see your shrink and see a psychotherapist.

  8. I’m in the exact same boat. I’m 20 and my bf is 28. Tbh, i’ve been promiscious since I was 16 years old. I had a bf for 2 years and cheated on him a year later. I’ve been with this boyfriend for about 9 months. I love him with all of my heart. I’m so attracted and interested in him and i just love HIM. But, if I’m around a guy friend, and we’re attracted to each other, sex always happens. I only cheated on him once so far with this guy and I know for a fact if we hang out again, it will happen. I just keep it to myself, that way it cant backfire on me. I am feeling the same as you and the only advice I have is that..keep doing whatever makes you happy. just keep it to yourself.

  9. The good news/bad news is that your situation is not going to last forever. It is not sustainable. The whole situation is going to come out in the open, and maybe that’s what you want deep down. You may want everything to blow up so you’ll be forced to do something else. Maybe you feel like if it all blows up all the problems are blown up with it.

    No moral judgment here, just that logically what you say doesn’t make sense. Your message says you “want nothing more than” to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend, but that is obviously not true. I’m not saying you’re supposed to want only that, I’m just saying that obviously that’s not the only thing you want.

  10. I am in the same boat as you are hun, i love my boyfriend so much and only want to be with him forever, yet i still cheat on him, allot… i hate it so much and trust me i want to stop but i cant, i know that sounds stupid and selfish i just try to come up with answers as to why i need that kind of attention from another male and why i cant be faithful, it kills me and i dont understand sometimes why i do the things that i do, sometimes i just wanna call myself a slut and tell myself to break up with my boyfriend and go be single and have fun without hurting anyone, im 24 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and before that i was in a 4 year relationship with a guy that hurt me on a daily bases and treated me so bad, i had no friends and no outside world.. i finally broke up with him and sometimes feel like i never want someone to treat me that way again, also my dad walked out on me at a very young age when i thought he was my bestfriends and he just never came back, anyways what i am trying to get as is maybe its allot deeper then people can see, and its not attention, maybe its for a deep fear of never wanting to be alone or a sense of comfort knowing someone is always there.. you may be lacking something in the relationship and unconsiuosly looking for it from someone else, my suggestion is go see a counsellor, maybe they can help you out with whats really gonig on with you on the inside, take care hun and goodluck,

  11. I think you should sit down with your boyfriend and talk everything out with him. Tell him that you want help. Than you need to sit down with your best friend, as much as it might hurt your friendship you need to come clean. My dad always said if you lie it would be worse than the truth. So just tell her, maybe she will understand and want to help to. Last you need to talk to the guy that your cheating with and tell him everything you told us. All you need to do is spit out the truth and maybe they will help you, thats the best advice I can give I mean im only 13 I have no other way of telling you different.

  12. I need more background info. How old are you? How long have you been dating? I will say this PLEASE don’t get married. Cheating is not normal and if you are bi-polar you need help. Yes, this kind of mental illness can turn a woman promiscuous. Is this boyfriend horrible at sex or is it an emotional reason for cheating. Please get the counseling you so very need. Good Luck!

  13. “I don’t know if I want to stop.”

    That’s your problem right there.

    If that changes, if you ever decide you want to stop for your boyfriend and for yourself, then your feelings about your situation will change.

    If you don’t stop you’ll always feel guilty because you’ve not been honest with your boyfriend or your best friend.

    And if you really wanted to have sex with people you didn’t have feelings for, you’d sleep with male prostitutes or randoms. Your best friends ex? That’s loaded. And your friend knows it.

    The reason you like having sex with people outside if your relationship is attention. It really is as simple as that. It provides attention and an ego boost. You do it once, and every time you do it after, gets easier and easier. You become addicted to the attention. Talk to yourself honestly about this, why can’t you have exciting sex with your boyfriend? Maybe he’s wrong for you?

    Grow up and be honest with yourself about what you really want.

    Then go tell everyone else what that is, and start living your life.

    “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

  14. -You are in love with the idea of planning your wedding.
    -You don’t love your boyfriend.
    -You are not a true friend. If you were, you wouldn’t sleep with your BEST FRIEND’s ex. I don’t care if she is no longer with him. You don’t go there! I feel sorry for this person that thinks you are her best friend. You are a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
    -Stop making excuses for your behavior. You can stop this pattern if you want to. No one can do it for you. YOU HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE.
    -Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him. You wouldn’t like it if he cheated on you.
    -You are obviously not ready to settle down. Just play the field and once you get it out of your system, then consider a monogamous relationship.

      1. “Doesn’t” Matter,
        Shut up. Saved makes a very valid point. This person is obviously not ready to settle down and be faithful to the one she supposedly loves. I can see her on Maury in a couple months (“I don’t know who my baby daddy is!”) Cheaters suck and there is no excuse for cheating.. men or women.. They are just trashy people that have to have sex to make them feel like someone cares about them(women) and to make them feel better about themselves(men). When they probably do have people that care about them but can’t see it cause they are to busy sleeping with the whole neighborhood.

  15. You should find someone to have an open relationship with. Your bf may be doing the same thing. I think that having an open relationship is the only honest way to live together. Why spend your life “cheating” and sneaking around when you can be open and honest with the person. I am a guy, I think all guys will sleep with another woman if given the chance. I think that women are the same, but slightly more bound by ancient morals. Come clean with him and see the possibilities of an open relationship.

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