I am bisexual
Posted by Wheredoesthatleaveme in Sex on Aug 11th, 2010 | 11 commentsI have always known it I guess. My earliest memory of sex is when I was 11. A friend in the neighborhood , older than me, he was 13, took me into the bushes at a park nearby when we were playing hide and seek, pulled my pants down, asked my to lie face down and laid on top of me. I could feel his erect penis against my ****. I was excited, not alarmed, but really did not think anything bad. Then it happened again…and again… My first real experience with a boy where I now knew about homosexuality was when I was 15 with another boy my age. He initiated it…. I continued, again and again. For a while we would have oral every chance we got. Then I discovered girls. Then women. I love women. I love the way they feel, the way they look and smell, and yes the way they behave too. But college was a mix of sexual encounters, oral and mutual masturbation.. The I got married had kids… 14 years … And along the way, well, let’s just say every once in a while I have had experiences… If it hadn’t been for The AIDS epidemic I would have had more experiences I think. I had to content with mutual masturbation after mid 80′s. Plenty of opportunities around. Video arcades, restrooms, abroad.. Strangely I never had a problem with the way I feel. I’m just sad I can’t share my thoughts and feelings with someone. I finally told my wife after 14 years. She accepted it. She has a gay brother. Unfortunately cancer has claimed her. Now I am married again, to a wonderful woman. I love her. I love sex with her. We still have sex every other day, inside outside, during the week, over the weekend. 3 years now. She is very sexual which I love. We tried to go to fetish parties , which I love and I thought would be a more permissive environment. … She is unfortunately very homophobic. She suspects, ( hell I think she knows) my inclination but refuses to acknowledge it.. I am not asking for permission to go out and have sex with men mind you. Bisexual need not mean promiscuous. But we all have need to be understood and accepted, and that’s all I want but the subject can’t even be discussed without rancor. I took us to marrriage counseling and she is the one who wanted to stop going…. Don’t want to divorce, don’t want to yearn, don’t want to hide …. Any suggestions? Or similar experiences?
11 Responses to “ “I am bisexual”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
i am in the same boat, long time married and it is very hard to control my feelings and lust…i have had a few experiences but always feel really bad afterwards…i wish i could eliminate the feelings and desire but it seems impossible…where to go, what to do…cannot tell wife, she would freak out…
Maybe aids will help you overcome your lust. It has worked for a lot of other sick, dying and dead people.
Remember God destroyed two cities because of what they were doing. Sodom and Gomorroh.
You need Jesus to overcome your sins, you can’t do it alone.
Repent and be Saved.
Actually, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah was about how to treat strangers – not a condemnation of homosexuality. At that point in history (or at least for that surrounding area) how you treated a stranger at the door, or someone new to the city, was more important than how you treated your own family. Strangers being raped (whether male or female – or angel) was the offense that brought the cities destruction. There was just as much homosexual activity in other cities, as well as at religious temples – that God didn’t destroy. The Bible needs to be read in the context of the period of time the stories were wrote about.
I think you need to go to therapy for yourself to figure out why you feel unloved and unfulfilled unless you’re getting sexual attention from more than one person, male or female. Sounds to me like you have extremely low self worth and are compensating for that by focusing on physical, but unemotional, intimacy.
Basically, you have an unhealthy view of sex that you want your wife to validate. What you want is to be used by other people for thier sexual gratification because it makes you feel valued. And you have no other way of getting that feeling otherwise. That’s… sick and wrong for lack of a better phrase. I don’t mean it as an attack – it’s an observation.
Being bisexual is complicated.
You didn’t tell your current wife that you were bisexual before you married her? Honesty and great communication are important for relationships to work.
You mentioned that you can’t share your feelings with someone.. does this mean that you have been entirely closeted, or just closeted to your wife?
Coming out might be a relief. If your sexuality is a “dirty secret” to you, that can feel icky. Coming out does not mean you have to act on anything, it just opens you. Maybe in coming out, you can find a community of support.
Nothing wrong with being somewhere in the middle of the kinsey scale.
I so agree with Specialneeds. You sound pretty dam promiscuous to me. I’ve had issues like this myself to the ninth degree. But through therapy, they’re getting worked out
seeing as your wife is very sexual you should suggest a threesome… and ask her if she would be comfortable with adding a man as apposed to a woman (because that would not only benefit you it would benefit her, i wish my husband would be open to that idea myself) or even suggest couple swinging… i hope some of this might help
Jessie, I toyed with that idea and she is not open to considering it at this time. I’m slowly seeing if she can change her mind… Maybe soft swap to begin with…
sounds like you were molested and you’ve been confused ever since
Molested denotes negative feelings about the experience ohme , which I don’t have. I remember it to be a naughty but exciting experience, never felt like a victim. “confused” on the other hand denotes that there is one or the other end of the Kinsey scale in sexuality and everything one in the middle have got to make up their minds which does not conform to reality we see around us.
“But we all have need to be understood and accepted, and that’s all I want.”
I guess for some people dying for sex is just part of living.
God destroyed 2 cities because people just wanted to do what felt good. Sodom and Gomorroh.
You wife is a fool for staying with you. Picking up strangers to have sex is not as safe as Russian Roulett.
The only way I know for you to straighten up is to either get Saved and ask God to forgive you or to get AIDS or some other STD and give it to your wife.
I have known people who have died of AIDS who thought it was unfair for them to have it so they just passed it on to someone else.