Fight or Flight?
Posted by FrightenedFawn in Sex on Jun 17th, 2010 | 8 commentsI’ll get right to the point. I am a a fourteen-year-old female – frought with hormones, I know – and I have found myself attracted to both male and female genders. My attractions waver from time to time; favoring in one gender, then the other. Lately though, they’ve lingered in the female gender for an expanded period of time.
However, I have no doubt that they will soon switch again.
According to every adult TV show, movie, and realized woman, (and older sister) sex is a very crucial part of a relationship. Everyone says that it’s wonderful, it’s important, yada yada yada – all refering to a male and female relationship. But… I have a fear that, no matter who claims it to be so, sex with a male isn’t what it’s cut out to be.
However, because I’m so very young (and still have some lingering sexist opinions) I don’t think I have a very good grasp of this concept.
Intercourse is still such a twisted action to me, perhaps I should not draw such conclusions so quickly… But, I am scared that I will not be able to make the plunge into intercourse with a male… that I would be much more comfortable with a female because.. well, I am one.
I’m scared of sex with guys, and initially scared of a relationship with males because it appears that they always pressure the female for intercourse. I don’t want to be put in that position…
I know not all guys are like that (right?), but, I still feel frightened at the thought of… sex. Help?
8 Responses to “ “Fight or Flight?”
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Whichever gender you choose, wait to have sex until you are comfortable with your sexuality, it will happen as you mature. Males and females are different sexually and guys are ready at a much younger age. I am a female and had sex when I was 14 because I wanted to experience how great everyone said it was and I was horrified at how unenjoyable it was. Many years later, other women admitted the same but were too embarrassed to admit it at the time.
At that young of an age girls are usually not ready. After that experience I abstained from sex until I was older and when I finally did it was much better but I couldn’t fully enjoy it until we figured out what felt good for me, which took a while. It’s a common belief that when 2 people have sex for the first time, both will just naturally know what to do and it will be great and you will automatically have an orgasm. Nothing could be further from the truth. The two of you must tell each other what feels good, what doesn’t and what you’d like to try to make it better.
It is a big responsibility (emotionally and physically) to be sexually active regardless if it’s with a guy or girl.
Wait until you have a partner you trust and are comfortable with and then you will be ready to make the decision to have sex.
You’re still young. Sex is not for someone that young or who isn’t ready. Obviously you are not, which is okay and totally normal. Don’t rush into something like this. You’ll give yourself the wrong idea before you know what you’re doing.
I had the same problem too. Movies made sex seem so great and I was afraid that it wasn’t going to be like it. They also make the men seem SOOOO sex crazed, which isn’t always the case but it is really intimidating! I dated someone over a year and a half before I decided to have sex. I knew before I wasn’t ready. But when I decided to try it, it was on my terms. The first time was a bit awkward and weird, I won’t lie. So I decided to wait a bit. When I wanted to try again, we did and it got better. Actually, it is quite enjoyable (haha)! My boyfriend really loves me, more than the thought of having sex, so when I decide I don’t feel like it, we don’t. It is the same for him as well. Sex is great when you experience it with someone else you love. Sometimes the best part is being in “unknown territory” (for lack of a better term). We didn’t know our bodies THAT way, so it was scary but fun. You may find that being with a man (who has a totally different body then you) is actually alot more interesting and pleasurable then you think.
Here’s the thing, you will find a guy someday who you feel comfortable doing this with for the first time. If the man really cares for you, he won’t mind waiting if you want to. In regard to your first time, it may be awkward, but you can’t have that one experience to base your opinion off you. Try it a few times. If you’ve tried it out and decide being with a man, or being sexually active isn’t your thing, then that’s fine. It may not be for you, You’ll at least know you didn’t give up on it right away.
Good Luck, and don’t worry about it too much! :)
First of all your age, your so young its not uncommon to have feelings for both, you are still developing. I think you are just very aware of yourself. Lighten up, things will get better.
I am bisexual and know how you feel. Just give it time. You will one day find a partner who will be willing to explore the sexual world with you and find out what will and will not please you. I have found mine. Just takes time and being open to the one you are in a relationship with. :) Also you can explore your sexuality by yourself. That is how I found myself and knew a some of what I liked and how to talk to my partner about it. :) Remember it takes time!
id say fight.. facing your fear is the best cure you can give yourself but no, i am not saying that you should engage on sex now at that age. you are doin good on your researches.. if i am on same situation like yours, i would think of the main reason why i fear sex.. maybe you should socialize more with guys (but ofc choice which kind of a guy) and try to be more comfy around them and maybe next good result will follow.
Sweetie, I was in your shoes 3 years ago, wait to have sex, but perhaps because of your lingering idealism of women, you’ll lean closer to the sign of lesbianism, and that is just fine.
I am bisexual as well, and I began having sex at about your age. My experiences were not-so-great at fourteen, because I hadn’t matured enough to understand what being respected meant.
Now, in my late twenties, I am very clear on my expectations in terms of being respected. I am about to celebrate my second year anniversary with my partner (who is a woman), and feel very fortunate to have great communication with her.
If you ever feel like you are being pressured, by a man or woman, and it doesn’t feel right, know that it is okay to stop..
Also, there are many ways to be sexual with a person. It is okay to set boundaries.
Unfortunately you live in a day and time when everything around you is sexualized. At 14 your have yet to mature to a level that sex will be anything more than sex. Intimacy is something that takes time and maturity. Unfortunately some never mature and at 40 are still in an arrested state of development. I could tell you to ignore sex for the moment or at the least spend the least amount of time possible thinking of it. And, that would be a healthier state of being for you. But, one thing that won’t happen, unless you have other positive outlets in your life addictive things such as sex, with all around us harping on it, can dominate and you won’t find yourself accomplishing as much with your life and growing as you can unless you set a purpose with a plan to do so. I know that is rather stark and heavy but I believe you can find what you need in what I wrote. Best wishes.