Affair

I’m cheating in my husband. I have been in an affair 2 years and it is just for the sex. My husband has ED and is older than me. Ending the affair would mean NO sex for me. I Love my husband and have been married 28 years. It is not easy, but the only solution would be divorce and leaving him alone now he is older and can’t perform.

16 thoughts on “Affair

  1. Honestly, relate 100%. My husband and I got married when I was 18; he’s 26 years older. Sweetest, kindest guy ever. We had a good sex life until he got ED about a year into our marriage. His confidence got hit so hard, he started avoiding all types of sexual contact with me, even kissing (other than little pecks). I felt that it was his secret, not mine to tell, so I didn’t confide in friends or my mom for years. I felt all alone in it, so I decided to focus on my career and pretend I don’t have a sex drive.

    When I was 26, I was temporarily living away from my husband for work. I met a guy closer to my age and we started hooking up. At this point, it was 7 years since I had sex, so I completely lost my shit. I spent a year with this guy, making out on rooftops, hooking up in friends’ basements; it felt like I was trying to live out my entire 20’s in that one year. My husband and I moved back together after that; I cried like a baby for weeks. He didn’t know what was wrong with me, and never found out.

    It’s been about 4 years since then, and I haven’t seen anyone else. Being honest, this completely f***** up my sexuality. I have periods where I think I’m asexual – I’m only interested in the pursuits of the mind. I have times I think I’m a lesbian. I have times I absolutely loathe the young hot guys that smile at me at work events, because I can’t have them, so I channel that energy into feminism and helping other girls succeed in life.

    I finally grew some balls and had a serious discussion with my husband about this last year. He cried so hard, and confessed how much it hurts him that he can’t give me what I want. He tried harder since then. Having oral/fingering me. Even getting these painful shots in his penis so it gets hard. To be honest, I hate it. It’s not sexy at all; I hate that he’s hurt and I feel sorry for him and myself.

    He is way too conservative to ever willingly let me sleep with other people. And he’s so out of touch with his own sexuality, he truly doesn’t get that the best he can give me is far, far outside of what I need. On top of all that, his self-worth is so completely based off of being with me, if I left, he would most likely commit suicide. He would have nothing left to live for. So I stay with him because I love him and because I don’t wanna destroy him, and I let the situation destroy a part of myself instead.

    So yeah, I totally understand. I really do.

  2. kind of the same situation here, have told my wife it’s ok but she won’t and i feel guilty for depriving her of what she needs, talk to your husband he may have the same feelings.

  3. How about this solution? Come right out in the open and be honest. Ask your husband if he would mind if you had sex with another man? If he says no, then stop being a pathetic loser with an inability to see see beyond your own limited views of obtaining sexual pleasure and end your adulterous behavior. He might say sure; just let me watch; let me choose; tell me all about it, etc… you never know. But if he says no, and you do it anyway, you are completely void of emotional maturity and should seek therapy.

  4. Why do you think that intercourse is the only way to have a good sex life. For example many women much prefer oral sex to actual penetration, You can have a satisfying love life without intercourse.

  5. Due to a traffic accident a woman is in a coma and receives around the clock medical care at home with 3 nurses by her side at all times. She has been comatose for over 3 years now.

    So what happens when he wants sex? Does he continue to pleasure himself with his hands? That can get boring after 3 years.
    Or does he tell the nurses to leave the room/house so that he can pleasure himself with his comatose wife? No the nurses won’t allow him to touch her that way. So what is he supposed to do?

  6. Geez people. Judge much? There is a huge difference between having some sex and not getting any at all. As for ED, there’s no magic pill that’ll solve this. Cialis can only work for so long. And you want her to leave him during his twilight years? That’s cold. There’s a long history and lots of good memories here.

    Yes, cheating is an imperfect solution, but it is still a better one than leaving.

    A marriage is about love and sex. Otherwise, sex wouldn’t be one of the top three reasons couples divorce.

    Wait until it happens to you. Then judge yourselves.

  7. Would he be angry if he knew you wanted to have sex with other men because of his ED problem. I got ED and my wife still had desires of an active sex life. We tried the toys but they didn’t do it for her. I suggested she take a boyfriend for sex. She was against it but after two years of no sex asked if I still wanted her to have the boyfriend. I said yes and so it wasn’t long before she found a man about 30 years younger than her (she is 65) and she is the happiest she has been in a long time. The get together twice a month, often at our house, and I am really happy for her. As they say, Happy Wife, Happy Life. They have been together 4 years now and our marriage is a strong as it ever was. Just because I can’t get an erection should not have any thing to do with my wife’s enjoyment of sex for as long as she is capable. I know she would have done the same thing for me. As long as you are open, honest and have lots of communication, your marriage can continue to be a good one. But it starts with openness and honesty on all topics, not just sex.

  8. I agree with Ben. You took a better or worse vow. Intercourse is not the only way to have a sex life. How about if it was the other way around? If you could not perform for some reason. Would it be acceptable (would you understand) if he was out screwing around on you?

    1. I agree talk to him he might understand. Me myself have been trying to get my wife to do another man because I don’t last very long and would luv it if she was to do another man. As long as she wouldn’t leave me I’d be okay with it. We’d have to lay down some ground rules

  9. relationships should’t revolve around sex and if your not smart enough to talk things out with your partner then you shouldn’t be together in the first place. what you did was wrong and disgraceful, you betrayed your partners trust, love, loyalty, compassion and affection. and although he may have ED are you that much of a slut and a half wit to not understand that you can still have a sex life with out his dick ??, you can pleasure one another through a whole number of other means. and just for the record i am a male myself with an intense sex drive and when my wife tells me no i leave it be and cuddle with her ( although sometimes she does do stuff just because i want it) , the last thing on my mind is ” oh well guess i need to cheat on her” i dont see her for what she can give me sexually i see her for the smart loving and desirable person she is. relationships are meant to be special and they are built from emotional attachment and enjoying unique experiences shared with one another but clearly your husbands love means that little to you. you’d rather cheat on him to get what you want rather than talk out your situation and look else where for you own selfish needs.

  10. Your decisions are okay but do you feel that it is right to continue cheating on your husband this way? Why not move on with your life rather than spend time trying to continue rationalizing your behavior? Take care now.

  11. I understand your guilt, and I understand your reasoning. And honestly, I think you’re doing the right thing. Sexual frustrations can tear apart a marriage, and ED is a very difficult thing to cope with, for all parties involved. If that’s what you need to do to maintain peace in your life, you’ve done nothing wrong. Just make sure that you’re treating your husband with the same pleasantry you did before the other guy came along.

    1. I’m late to the conversation. But this confession and response struck a chord with me, because my wife and I cannot have sex and I want to cheat so bad, just to have a sex partner. I feel terrible about choosing to cheat or divorce, but I’m going crazy without a sex life.

      1. My husband selfishness and pride to satisfy his sexual addiction nearly cost his marriage because he didn’t want to give it up and wanted it more buy he was never truly satisfied. If you love your husband despite even if he has ED….work it out with him…Love him regardless that why you married him…sex is just a bonus but love to conquers over anything. We dont marry for sex we marry for LOVE…marriage is work and if your not willing to do the work… then don’t work…marriage is not one-sided…both sides have to do 100%… God shows us love and forgiveness. And despite what my husband did I forgave because I loved him….it was hard…don’t get me wrong..but we prevailed and prevailed with God.

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