Should I tell him that I’m the one who betrayed him??

I met an amazing man several months ago and we began dating. He’s smart, attractive and ambitious. He also happens to be a pastor of a local church– not the one that I attend. One day he revealed to me that he has an infant son out of wedlock who lives out of state with the mother. He also said that he has no intention of revealing this to the church.

Fast forward a few months and the relationship is starting to deteriorate. I see that he has no intention of committing to me although I want him to. He wants to continue to see other women. Out of anger I contact his supervisor in the church and let her know about the child. She says that I can remain anonymous, but that he could lose his job. It’s clear that the supervisor has not yet approached him with my information because he’s still acting normal toward me.

I’m now starting to feel guilty about potentially ruining this man’s life. Although we’re not dating anymore, we’re still friends. Should I give him a heads up and let him know what’s about to happen or keep my mouth shut? If I don’t say anything, there’s a chance that he won’t know that I told. He’s told several friends about the baby so any number of people could have snitched. Help!

12 thoughts on “Should I tell him that I’m the one who betrayed him??

  1. This confession you are considering is selfish. You need to live with this guilt, since to confess to him, will only serve to hurt him more. The betrayal will sting like a bitch.

  2. You should tell him. Although it could potentially ruin any kind of relationship you have with him it will help you to not feel as guilty. Also, he deserves the truth and in the end it will be better for him to know how the church found out.

  3. Hey you know what you have done is sorry and now you are feeling bad for doing so. But I must say that this is something my 2 year old would do, you should grow up and tell Him what you did and how you might have damaged his work in what he loves to do.

  4. Always ask yourself how you would need to behave to increase your self-esteem. You’ll be headed in the right direction every time if you do this. I hope you continue to feel guilty and I hope your conscience bothers the hell out of you. You should hang your head in shame. What if YOU had been the one telling a new man you were involved with about a baby of YOURS that was living with the father out of state? And then after you decide not to commit to this new man, he tells this info and you lose YOUR job? Would that be ok? I don’t think so. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. The man did you a favor by not committing to you. You have somethings wrong with you and he realized it.
    You have got a lot of maturing and changing to do before you can be a good partner to anyone.

  5. 4 words: Keep Your Mouth Shut! The guy is a hypocrite loser and is no way near good enough for you. He could not control his urges or he was not respectable enough to use birth control so it is his bed he has to lay in. It is pathetic for him to think he can fool everyone into thinking he is some pillar of the community with a bastard child out and about. Dump him quick and watch from the sidelines as his other lies come to the surface – you will be glad you did.

  6. I say wise up don’t ask for peoples help its common since act your age and make your own decision I’m 19 and i don’t ask for help on something so pathetic as this

  7. Honestly, if you’re already feeling guilty – I would tell him. If you don’t do it now, you may never get the chance. The relationship is already finished. It depends if you feel comfortable going to your grave with this secret? Regardless, if it actually ruins him or not.

  8. I’d have to say you are a piece of trash. He was honest with you in a honest relationship and you screwed him because of your insecurity.

    Telling him would destroy your relationship, but allow him to get ahead of what is going to happen. At the same time it may be too late.

    I’d think you should tell him. As a “friend” it’s the only honorable thing to do.

  9. You are setting yourself up for being triffled with by a man with commitment issues. Lose this guy now before he starts blaming you for revealing information that he has already told others. It is very likely that a number of people at church already know. If you’re commitment oriented, you deserve someone who’s like minded but without all of the drama. Should you stick around even longer, you will likely find out something else distateful about him such as he’s married. Good Luck.

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