why am i this way

I’m in a committed relationship and I love my girlfriend we get along so well. She is older than I am and indont feel physically atracted to her. This hasn’t been a problem for as long as I’ve known her I have and still do love her for who she is. But the last couple years I fell in love with someone else who it is is for a whole other confession. I think she knows I’m in love with this person but she loves me and probably feels stuck. We have a kid together I love my child very much and the stress of being torn between 2 people is starting to kill me. I don’t eat any more I just don’t feel hungry forcing myself to eat makes me sick. I talk about this other person a lot. And I am noticably depressed and I know it hurts her. I wish I could make it stop but I can’t. I wish I wasn’t this way I never planned for this to happen. Writing on here has helped some but the problem still remains. How do you love 2 people the same for different reasons? I also take massive doses of pain killers not just from the physical pain I live in every day but because of the emotional pain I hate myself for betraying her love and for the betrayal of the other person I love. I’m not supposed to be in love with her. Its so hard. I have created a nice little hell for myself now I get to burn in it until I die from it. Thanks for letting me vent.

5 thoughts on “why am i this way

  1. Thank you for the kind words. A lot of people have it worse than I do it’s just hard to see it that way some times. It is a bit of a comfort when nice people lend their sympathy that’s kind of rare any more. Thank you

  2. Dear Friend,

    Please get into therapy so that you can figure out why you are trying to juggle two relationships when it’s causing you and others pain. You have the power to stop this simply by teasing it out, making a decision and living according.
    Take care now.

  3. I’m sorry that you feel so torn. I don’t have any advice to offer because it doesn’t seem like you want to leave. I really hope you find a way out of this and whatever you decide to do makes you and the people you love happy. Good luck

    1. I notice you comment kind words on most of the confessions on here. You are a good person to do that. Thank you

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