No way to make it right

My wife and I were swingers for years and due to our positions in the community, we lead this as a totally secret life. No one really knew who we were and we really didn’t much worry about who they were either. It wasn’t exactly anonymous sex but let’s just say details about people’s lives were not looked too closely at. We made swinger friends and traveled with them all over the world meeting couples. We were very popular. We went to Europe, the Caribean all over the US. We had the time of our lives. We never had any real problems. No one ever caught as much as a cold, no disease, nothing. Oh, there was the occasional couple that exploded and a fight between them ensued when one got jealous. We just laughed about how immature they were and not ready for “The Lifestyle”.
Well, now I’m 60-ish. We have no interest in swinging or for that matter, each other. The excitement of swinging kept us together when it shouldn’t have. We should have separated when we were young to find people we truly love. I can’t even say we hate each other…we don’t speak that much.
Now all this is our tragedy and I’ll live with it but here’s the real shame and regret. I think I have two, maybe more children from other women out there that I have no way of finding or of them finding me. We were so careful in remaining anonymous. I won’t go into how I know this to be so, but just be assured that it is. I’m also sure that it has destroyed those two couples marriages. One was a younger couple that we “introduced” to swinging. Another was a couple where he pressured his wife into it and she had way too good a time for his ego to handle. That was one of the bigger couples explosions so we ditched them immediately until we found out she was pregnant. Both husbands had had vasectomies.
There’s no way to track these people down. We can’t even remember their names if that was their real names. My wife doesn’t care but I do and it will haunt me till I die. I have children I’ll never know and they will never know me. I’ll never be able to help them or their children. I live in a nice house with a woman that despises me. Yep, I had the time of my life. The life every guy dreams of. All the sex and women I could handle…A wasted life indeed.

2 thoughts on “No way to make it right

  1. Don’t look at it as a wasted life. You lived the life you wanted at the time…why not rejoice in the fact that you indeed enjoyed all the time you spent traveling and living this double life in a way? Dwelling on could have will not do anything else but torment you now. Why not try to get to know the woman you share a house with now? As we all age, we all change and get into new interests…why not try to find a common interest? Did you guys have kids of your own? If you did then enjoy them; don’t let the fact that you may have had other kids take away from your current ones. If you didn’t, maybe find a young person to mentor and offer advice? Write a blog or a book? Get a pet from a shelter? It’s never too late to make a mark in this world…to enjoy every second just actually look and notice and you will see how amazing our world really is …

  2. Stop judging yourself, life is life..

    Leave now, find love, do good things, don’t waste the next 30 years or stay and fall in love with your wife again…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *