No way to make it right

My wife and I were swingers for years and due to our positions in the community, we lead this as a totally secret life. No one really knew who we were and we really didn’t much worry about who they were either. It wasn’t exactly anonymous sex but let’s just say details about people’s lives were not looked too closely at. We made swinger friends and traveled with them all over the world meeting couples. We were very popular. We went to Europe, the Caribean all over the US. We had the time of our lives. We never had any real problems. No one ever caught as much as a cold, no disease, nothing. Oh, there was the occasional couple that exploded and a fight between them ensued when one got jealous. We just laughed about how immature they were and not ready for “The Lifestyle”.
Well, now I’m 60-ish. We have no interest in swinging or for that matter, each other. The excitement of swinging kept us together when it shouldn’t have. We should have separated when we were young to find people we truly love. I can’t even say we hate each other…we don’t speak that much.
Now all this is our tragedy and I’ll live with it but here’s the real shame and regret. I think I have two, maybe more children from other women out there that I have no way of finding or of them finding me. We were so careful in remaining anonymous. I won’t go into how I know this to be so, but just be assured that it is. I’m also sure that it has destroyed those two couples marriages. One was a younger couple that we “introduced” to swinging. Another was a couple where he pressured his wife into it and she had way too good a time for his ego to handle. That was one of the bigger couples explosions so we ditched them immediately until we found out she was pregnant. Both husbands had had vasectomies.
There’s no way to track these people down. We can’t even remember their names if that was their real names. My wife doesn’t care but I do and it will haunt me till I die. I have children I’ll never know and they will never know me. I’ll never be able to help them or their children. I live in a nice house with a woman that despises me. Yep, I had the time of my life. The life every guy dreams of. All the sex and women I could handle…A wasted life indeed.

7 thoughts on “No way to make it right

  1. OMG, reading your story is eerily like my own. My wife and I too used to swing, we got deep into it to the point that every weekend we went to a club near our home every weekend it was a new couple. At the time we were much younger, fit and good looking. So all the swingers used to want to get with us, I am sure you know how that crowd is about a younger couple. The funniest part was, every time a younger couple would come to try out a night at that club, it is like we got them before anyone else because we were the “hot couple”. It led to some very exciting times and some memorable stories.

    We are still technically ‘together’, in the sense that we live under the same roof, but we only have sex about once every four or five months and I’m only 42 years old. My wife could never have children with me although I raised her kids from her previous failed marriages as my own.

    At one point we allowed a friend from “the lifestyle” who was changing jobs to leave his wife to stay with us while he went ahead of their move. While she was at our home it was almost 2 months of debauchery. The three of us played many, many nights and was like a man’s dream. Few guys can claim they had one threesome with two hot chicks in their life. Imagine more than you can count to the point it almost got boring. A short time after her husband returned, they announced she was pregnant. We did the math, that kid is mine. There were doubts about this for years until we reconnected on Facebook. There’s little doubt now, that kid is mine.

    I’m here, stuck in a unhappy marriage, stayed with a woman who doesn’t even like me anymore, we’ve never had kids of our own, and there’s a child of mine out there being raised by another guy. Worse than that, he’s a good man who’s been successful & is still together with her mother. So there would be no reason to interrupt their lives.

    Oh, and by the way, I’m pretty sure that I want to split still from my wife. Unlike you I am not in my 60’s, so I could still leave my wife and have a happy life out there. I have always had a lot of unusual feelings about sex and my wife has not only lost interest in indulging my fantasies any longer but she’s lost interest in sex altogether. I seek out online porn to excite me and she sleeps on the couch. I feel like if she & I split up tomorrow that I might seek out another perverted woman, a man, a transexual or anyone else to share the rest of my life with. I’m bisexual leaning toward gay. I wish she would see this to know how I feel. Hopefully she woukd know it’s time to end our sham of a marriage. But, I fear I am stuck with a frigid, uncaring, and a bitch of a woman for the rest of my life.

  2. Regret is painful. There’s nothing you can do about what has already been done. And you may be right in that you’ll never find your children. But in 2017, we live in a different world than we used to. 60 is a relatively young age. I know people that came out as gay and left their spouse who were older than 50 and they are living a much happier life. If you and your wife dispute each other, and at best tolerate each other, just leave. You will blow everything up and it will be crazy and painful for a little while. But certainly no more painful than living in a loveless marriage for the rest of your life. And when the craziness is over, you, as well as your wife, have a chance at finding genuine happiness for the rest of your life. Good luck!

  3. how can one say he had not wasted his life? it was good while it last but facing the end and looking back he said wasted years, a lot of people envy the life style of a swinger but growing old and lonely with lots of regrets most people never see it coming.

  4. Your story is very detail and almost risable. What do you think the right thing to do in this matter is? Okay, so why not do just that?

  5. I don’t figure that you want to hear it’s okay. If your like me you just want to get it off your chest and not really be consoled. Just getting the truth out there is a cold comfort but better than keeping it inside. There isn’t anything anyone can say to ease the guilt and regret you are feeling and there isn’t anything you can really do about anything anymore. The only thing you can do is realize that everyone involved did so by their own volition. Everyone made their own choices, even the woman who was coerced into it could have left her husband instead of doing it. So while you have your regrets you also have to consider that you didn’t make other peoples choices for them. Anyone who does things like that has weighed the benefits and the penalties and decided that it was worth the risk for the pleasure they would derive. And if later you decide that it wasn’t that’s something you have to live with, which you are doing. But just know that you didn’t make anyone do anything and that you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s misery, only your own. That’s as good as it’s gonna get.

  6. Stop judging yourself, life is life..

    Leave now, find love, do good things, don’t waste the next 30 years or stay and fall in love with your wife again…

  7. Don’t look at it as a wasted life. You lived the life you wanted at the time…why not rejoice in the fact that you indeed enjoyed all the time you spent traveling and living this double life in a way? Dwelling on could have will not do anything else but torment you now. Why not try to get to know the woman you share a house with now? As we all age, we all change and get into new interests…why not try to find a common interest? Did you guys have kids of your own? If you did then enjoy them; don’t let the fact that you may have had other kids take away from your current ones. If you didn’t, maybe find a young person to mentor and offer advice? Write a blog or a book? Get a pet from a shelter? It’s never too late to make a mark in this world…to enjoy every second just actually look and notice and you will see how amazing our world really is …

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