My confession is this: I still love the girl that’s cheated on me. It has been over two years since we’ve last spoke, but whenever I think about her, I cannot stop myself from feeling sad.
Here is my story:
I dated a girl of my dreams. A girl I once thought “got away” in high school. Somehow we found each other in college (Thanks Facebook). We dated for roughly 2 years, where we fell madly in-love with each other, or so I thought. One day she told me she kissed another guy, because I was giving her too much attention. My thought process was, how does that make sense? But because I loved her so much, so I gave her another chance.
Stupid, stupid me. I was so spiteful of the fact she was willing to do that to me, I tried cheating on her, and I couldn’t because that’s just not who I am. So I broke up with her. Well, life became grim for me. I didn’t have anything to look forward to. Waking up every morning alone, sad, and crying for couple of weeks.
Today, almost three years later, I still get my stomach twisted when I think about what could have been, and how happy I was. But today, I was finally able to unfollow her on every social media outlet. My heart feels heavy, because I wish it could have worked out.. but that’s not how relationships work.
I guess what I’m afraid of most is that I’ll never be as happy as I was when I was with her, as that was the happiest time of my life. I understand I have 50-60 more years to go until I might die, but I’m afraid because of all the relationships since then (3 gfs and few hook ups) haven’t been as satisfying.
I still love you, HK, but I also can’t forgive you for causing this much pain in my heart. I just hope I can find someone who can make me happier than you ever did.