you were the mistake I’m afraid to admit
Posted by Sammie ann in Regret on Mar 13th, 2010 | 8 commentsI’m with you because I’m afraid none will ever love a single divorced mother in her 30′s. I’m with you because I feel trapped, you have my car, my bank account and I just moved 900 miles from everything I’ve ever known to follow you. I feel like I gave it all up for you. You who enjoys porn more then me, you who would rather download music on your computer then play ball with my child, you who gives me a beautiful materialistic life but leaves me feeling ugly and unloved by your inability to be open. I thought I could love you if you would just be what I knew you wanted to be. Now I see you never really were that person. You have a ugly dark side, I hate myself for loving you. I just wanted to let you know what I miss, what I gave up, what I see and think about when I see you. This is who I am!
I left a amazing man who looked at me and loved me like noone ever has. I left him because I was lonely,and scared, and you were in the right place at the right time. I lied, I cheated, I hurt the one person who would have died for me. I took his son, I broke his heart. He would have taken me back too if I could have only been honest with him and myself. I couldn’t. I still see his face singing to me as we danced at our wedding. I’m afraid I will never feel so happy, complete and safe again.
He has changed, I have changed, I’m going to end up getting married to the man that I left him for. I love him, but I know we will never have the love I once did. I hate myself for taking my son away from his father. He is a good dad. I hate myself for looking for ‘that look’ I used to have in his eyes. I miss feeling beautiful, special and complete. More then anything I miss my friend. I know I can never tell him how sorry I am, he will never trust me again. I don’t blame him, it’s taken me 5 years to learn how trust and love myself. My biggest struggle is one day I will have to face our amazing son and explain to him how I took him away from one of the most beautiful families I’ve ever known. The three of us.
8 Responses to “ “you were the mistake I’m afraid to admit”
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What a pooring of the heart. What a beautiful passage. There are so many stories like yours. If only we knew what was best for ourselves before we took leaps. I feel for you. But what’s done is done. You can’t regret forever.
unfortunately we are all on the look out for greener pastures because the grass is never ever green where we are and sometimes what we see as bright on the otherside nearly always is the opposite of what we have.
Shit happens
I know things have happened and your ex may never forgive, but it doesn’t mean you can let him know how you feel. It may not change your relationship, but it may change the way he feels and you may be able to work on having a friendship of some type. I mean you can’t or should not have him out of your life, especially having a child together. If he is a great dad as you say, then they should be in each others lives and you are the only one that can control that. Live for yourself and your child and don’t regret what you have done.
don’t be with an a**hole porn addict who doesn’t love you and your son. go be by yourself with your child. you screwed up your marriage and that was dumb but why would you want two bad marriages?? go be by yourself!
i am recently in the situation right now that you were when this all got started. i am married and have a son with my husband. i am thinking of leaving him for a guy that used to be a classmate of mine because i feel like he makes me feel happy. my husband truly loves me and our son. and i dont want to destroy us. reading your story has helped realize that i doesnt always turn out like a fairy tale and maybe im am about to do something completely horrible.
I too am married with a son. I am thinking of leaving my wife for another woman. I am not happy. my wife is kind and safe, but there is no communication, no passion. I have told her for a long time that I have not been happy. I just don’t want to make some crazy mistake.
well let it go.
if not happy with the man you followed just leave him.
why do you think your ealier man is still
lovingly waiting. doesnt he have any self respect?
sure he may want his child and why hasnt he
made any effort to reach it.
you made mistakes. take responsibilty. for now you looking for happiness in men.
i fear you will never find it.