Wife has left and I’m all alone but can’t say what I feel

I married a woman out of treatment 6 years ago .
She burnt the kitchen down in 2008 in 2010 she totaled
2 cars drinking and driving and made her caretaker
Then she lost her job and had to come work in a store
I opened. Things were ok during the 2 treatment
Centers she would drink every couple months
. But in last year she made friends with strangers
And now she disappeared last Friday she was drinking
I’m the bad guy for being controlling and she wants a divorce
I want to give up on life so bad . Ps I still am in love with her

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