Sinking

I feel like I am slowing sinking into depression. I used to be optimistic, bubbly, determined, social, etc but the person I am probably going to spend my life with is sucking that all out of me.
He is controlling, verbally abusive, insecure, jealous and completely dependent on me. Even when things are good I’m just waiting for them to go wrong.
I think I totally f***** my life up and I know I don’t have the courage to change it. Every day I dream of leaving. I don’t even want to be with someone else.. I want to be ALONE. I feel like I could do amazing things if I were alone. If I’m not dreaming of leaving, I’m dreaming of dying… because I dont know how else to get out.
If i left, I know he’d have nothing and I truly believe he would kill himself. I can’t do that to his family, who I love like my own.
So i go on every day, taking his abuse, catering to him, doing everything to keep him happy while I am slowly rotting from the inside out. I had to write it own or else I will explode.

5 thoughts on “Sinking

  1. You have to be brave and do this for you. Two people can’t live one life. YOUR life. The fact that he would kill himself sends out the message that he knows he’s loosing you and is grabbing as strings. If his family is like your own then go to them talk to them try get him the help he needs. Once you’ve left him then it’s for his family to pick up they wouldn’t blame you for that no way would they if you really are a part of their family. This guy can’t beat you down to his leveL and if he is trying then you won’t have a life yourself. You’ll hate him. His family. Yourself. You really need to take the jump call some friends and start living your life for you not for him.

  2. If a guy threatens to kill himself to keep you it is just an other day to control you. If you are not happy it is not your responsibility to stay just to make him happy. I don’t know why guys act that way. We aren’t all bad I promise :) don’t dye and don’t fret but don’t stay for the wrong reasons. Good luck

  3. Hie ,

    I am depressed as well but for different reason .. the difference I see with u n me is in ur situation u can change the situation. . I really suggest u talking to ur guy since u care for him n his family … tell him frankly dat if u not gonna change il be left with no option but to move on .. see for few days if he is gonna change if he does not then he does not deserve a wonderful person like u ☺ move on there is happiness in solitude also

    Regards,
    A friend

  4. Dear Friend,

    Sorry to hear that you’re having such a terrible time. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline today 1-800-799-7233 and they will assist you to get out of this awful situation. You deserve a better life but you may need a safe exit. Do this for yourself so that you can regain your life. Be well and please let us know how you’re doing.~

  5. I was you up until the end of 2013…except I was already married to him and we had 2 kids together. My advice is, leave now while you still have a chance. My ex was all the things you mentioned and slowly over time he became more abusive and it ended with my needing to get police involved, a court order for protection and all of my locks being changed on my home after a month of staying away for mine and my children’s safety. He may give you the impression that he will kill himself if you leave, he may even try to (my ex went as far as not only say he would but, he put a gun to his head and nearly pulled the trigger)…truth is; that is his own demons that he must deal with. If he feels the need to commit suicide due to his problems, you can’t control that and he needs to find help for that on his own. Don’t let him take you down too. I love my ex’s family as my own too and we still have a great relationship even though I divorced him (we separated in 2013 and the divorce was finalized earlier this year).

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