Regret

My grandfather and I have never been close. Now I can tell he is going to die soon. He’s sick and not eating. I always thought of him as the other grandfather. When I think of grandparents I don’t think of him, I think of my other grandparents. I love him with all my heart though. My mother is going to see him soon but I can’t come. I know that if he dies guilt will haunt me forever. I wake up asking myself questions everyday like, what if I don’t cry when he dies or what if I don’t feel sad. Right now I can tell it’s tearing my mom down and I don’t know what to do.

4 thoughts on “Regret

  1. what you need to do, is talk to your grandfather. tell him how much you mean to him. tell him that even though you might treat him badly, you still love him, and you know that you should’ve treated him better, and tell him you will. tell him you’d do anything for him and that not too deep down, you love him, with almost all of your heart, and the rest of your heart is filled with everyone else, there’s an even amount of space for everyone. tell him that, if you mean it that is. tell him you love him.

  2. Try spending last few days with your grandfather. You won’t ever regret the decision because at least, you’ll tell yourself in the future that you took the initiation and spent as much time as you could with him. Don’t miss the chance. I lost my grandfather few years back, but my situation is different. I love him, I cried when he passed away, but I never got to see him the very last time. He passed away in an another country. I was there for my dad when he lost his father. Try being there for you mother. She’ll appreciate it. (:

  3. So if you know the above, swallow your pride and make yourself do what you think is right. Your peace of mind is important but it sounds as if duty calls.

  4. Each person in this world deals with death in their own way. If you don’t feel sad or cry it is nobody’s business but your own. As far as other people are concerned you felt sad and cried privately, there is no shame in that. I have never cried about my mom or best friend passing away, it’s been 2 and 15 years respectively. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

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