Overdue apology

The worst part is you’ll never know how sorry I actually am. I’ll
never send that text I always write but delete before I press
the required button. It says something like ” matt, I can’t believe I f***** up so bad. I can’t believe I made you hurt so bad. I’m so, so sorry”. I’ll never send it because I’m too scared of the texts you’ll send back.

I can’t believe I said that I loved you. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done, because 1) it lead to you being broken 2) it was a flat out lie. I will ALWAYS care about you, but I never have and never will love you. Everytime you kissed me I recoiled.

You were so nice, sweet, caring. You were NEVER mean to me. I played you and took advantage of you. You deserve so much better than me.

I haven’t spoken to you in four months. You could have forgotten about me by now, I could be a blur, as you have a new girlfriend now.
I’m actually happy for you, because she’s lovely- at least I didn’t ruin you.

This is my overdue apology to you. I’m sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I don’t even know if you care anymore. One day, I’ll muster up the courage to tell you this to your face, because you deserve to hear it. One day, maybe.