My life….Deserve to be hanged.
Posted by Anonymous in Regret on Aug 30th, 2010 | 6 commentsI hate myself I did horrible things when I was 13 to an older cousin sister when she was sleeping,I am older now 20 and Last few years I realized what I did,Oh my god some nights I think Il take a gun and shoot myself,I cant believe that I look back now,that I did it and I was actually attracted to her…****sake,it sucks,I guess she knows but cant really say like me,I didnt fully rape her just kissed her behind and rubbed my cock on her leg once(typing that made me sick)….I had been molested my self when I was young, a mental guy stuck his tounge down my throught and once he just hugged me rubbing his pelvis on to mine when I was 6/7 i guess….I dont blame him cause he was mental and his parents should have looked after him,it hasnt traumatized me,just really embarrasing and there was a best friend of mine who would try make me gay by playing games where Im the(or he is) the man and he(or sometmes im ) the wife and he would try to get me into bed but I would refuse sexual stuff but he got to feel me sometimes which was what he wanted this was around me being 9-11….I am not mad at any of them one was mental and one was just a kid my age who didnt know right from wrong,but what I did I guess has a connection but I still cant believe I did those things,I just cant…..looking back I just cant believe I did that. Im a sick ******* human being I mean how was I even attracted to her….I just wanted to get these things off my chest, I can never say these things in real life,I hope to be better the rest of my life and do the best I can but especially these past few days the action that I performed,how the ****….makes me sake and some nights the only way I get a sound sleep is that I might just pull a trigger on my head(Im not gonna do it just lie to myself so I can sleep,too scared to,cant let that hang on my family and dont posess a gun)
Oh can I delete this? I just dont want anyone ever I know…to ever read this….even if they dont know who this is.
6 Responses to “ “My life….Deserve to be hanged.”
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You were a child. Pretty much every kid does things like that. It’s all a part of being young, naive, and [pre]pubescent.
It’s really not that big of a deal, I promise.
It sounds like you need to talk about this stuff, or it will continue to eat away at you.
Good job for posting this. The first step in healing. Silence and shame can only cause the pain to well up inside of you… when the pain escapes it will come out in strange and awful ways, like what you did to your cousin.
Whatever you do, don’t hate yourself. It sounds like you have already been through enough.
Well, at least you have remorse.. My siblings sexually abused me for years and they don’t care, in fact they act like pompous a**holes and like I am far beneath them
It’s not a big deal! Like Kyle said “You were a child. Pretty much every kid does things like that. It’s all a part of being young, naive, and [pre]pubescent”
Laugh and move on!
See a clergyman (if you go to church that is) or see a counsellor. Many teens try and do things during puberty that as adults they think what the hell were they thinking. Most have played “momma and poppa roles” or “doctor” with no ill effects. You need to deal with your past behavior and also with what happened to yourself. If you can forgive what was done to you, maybe you need to forgive yourself too. Take care.