my dad died last month. I have emotions. I have hate. Loneliness. I lost my motivation for happiness. I lost my will power. I quit my job. I cheated in my boyfriend with my ex. I told him the truth. and then i found i got an std from my ex which i then gave to my bf. I’m in hell. how did i get in this place. my dad is not here to help me. I wish he was still alive to shake me before i cheated. or perhaps to slap me. I love my boyfriend so much. he does everything for me. he’s loyal. he’s great. i give him shit for his video games and his nerdy friends and his metal music. why am i so blind. I wasn’t raised this way. I grew up poor. i grew up with the nerds. I had 2nd hand clothes. i grew up on alternative music and metal. . . now . . . i am a varsity cheerleader. I went from brown hair to blonde. I have name brand clothes. $140 dollar jeans. i listen to all the trendy music……and for WHAT! where the hell did i lose myself.

9 thoughts on “Mistakes

  1. I’m sorry you lost your father and it pains you so much. Reality is so many other people lose their family and don’t run of the rails.
    You made a conscious decision to have sex with your ex. You obviously sought him out and was complicit in consensual sex. You had an STD and gave it to your boyfriend. You have now learnt in life there are always repercussion for your actions in life. You need to take responsibility for your action and be held accountable. If your boyfriend had any smarts he would be long gone by now.
    Your actions now will fade away in time but will always bear a scar on your soul.

  2. Yes I can relate to this so much I cheated on my boyfriend I regret it so much it was just a drunken stupid mistake and I frankly never told him about it because we were just starting out and I just thought it was a phase and I regret it so much that I don’t want to tell them by it is just a phase I have just gotten over some serious issues and I’m feeling so much better about it is the location that you’re in a you in a small town because that tends Drive me insane I live in a small town small towns are the worst for it you’re a cheerleader so obviously you’ve got everything going for you i say to keep your head up high keep thinking positive because if you don’t think positive you’re not gonna go anywhere and also if people are bugging you about everything you need to maybe take a step back and go out to nature be happy with yourself before you fall for someone else that’s what your dad would’ve wanted you to be happy by yourself and have your soul to be happy being alone before you start with your boyfriend again. It’s gonna take time for your boyfriend to forgive you but if you really loves you he will forgive you because you wernt yourself when you did that your dad just died obviously he should understand that but if not you will find someone else trust me. Love the random Australian

  3. I lost my father as a teen, and I still miss his presence in my life. Don’t be so hard on yourself- we all deal with grief in different ways, and the majority of us are ill prepared. We navigate our lives without any directions. Please seek help. Also, many STDs go away completely, or will, with time, cease to be dangerous. And if not, you can live with an STD and still have a good life. Many people do. Talk to a doctor or councilor about it. Take care.

  4. calm ur mind .. if u r worried about ur dad then he is in another place now i hope its a better one .. if u r worried about ur life without him then change the way u think … don’t think about hatred or fears and keep saying that “the coming is better” and think only about good things not bad ones…. in few days or weeks everything will be far better ….. but don’t think about any thing bad

  5. From our post it is clear that you already know all the right answers and you already know what your dad would have wanted to see you do. So now you just have to do it.

  6. You need therapy sweets, hopefully your boyfriend will understand what’s going on in your head, maybe get a few joint sessions as well, we all tail spin some times, you just need to grab onto something to stop yourself going too far,

  7. A few years ago I went through exactly the kind of things you did. I was changed. bad-changed. You need some one to share this all with and who would shake you up saying ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING’ when you need it. because sometimes we need a savior. I’m assuming you also shared everything with your father like I did. and now are lost to how to deal with life. If you need a friend, I could be a helping hand. or if you already have one, tell her/him everything.
    p.s. May be shrinks might help others but it didn’t in my case.

  8. Dear Friend,

    Maybe you’re a bit confused about your life right now. Why not get into therapy and tease it all out? It would probably help you a lot. Take care now and let us know how things work out.

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