I’ve always loved you

I married someone and had a child, you married sometime later and have 2 kids. 12 years ago we found each other (again), and I wish I had been mature enough to see what was going on..but I wish you had expressed what you really wanted. BTW: the sex was awesome…I wish we had had more of it..and had more time. So much different than when I lost my virginity to you. You were good.

I think, although I will never really know, that you wanted to marry me. But you never said it, and I married the man I was with at the time…you know him, and he knows you. You both have always been in my life. And yet, I am so unhappy.

I love my child, but I married the wrong person. You should know that, you deserve to know that. I feel in love with you the first time I ever saw you …. but I was just a kid. But it was powerful, so powerful that I still remember the exact moment and exact feeling.

Are you happy? Is she what you have always wanted? It took my personal situation for me to see exactly what I should have done, and where my feelings lie.

My husband cheats on me, did you know that? I think he always has…maybe you did know it…you two seem to know things about each other, but never sharing that info with me. Are you laughing at me now? Are you happy I am being cheated on?

I should have never ended it with a stupid phone call…”are you in love with me, do you still love her, are we going to be together?”, then click. I hung up. I should have never done it that way. Did you hate me for a long time? Did you know that the real reason I broke it off was because he proposed to me? And I said yes.

I think you discovered that fact a few years ago when I ran into you and shared how long I had been married. I thought I saw a gleam of “oh, now i get it? in your eyes. Even my best friend caught on before I did when I told her I saw you.

I think about you everyday…I even see you sometimes. I bet you are a great dad. I know you alwasy wanted a family. I wish you would have told me…I wish I would have known.

I wonder if you ever think of me. I wish my mind would let go of you..it hurts alot. But I want you to be happy, and if you are happy with her, then so be it. It seems she has provided you with a home, and a family.

Anyway, you deserve to know these things, and maybe you hate me enough that if you did, you would say Karma is a bitch. But if you still have feelings for me, love me, we need to talk.