I want my childhood back
Posted by Anonymous in Regret on Feb 22nd, 2010 | 6 commentsWhen I was thirteen I lost my virginity to a 24 year old. We would still keep in contact and after all the years have gone by I always wondered how it would be like if we were able to have a chance to be together since it wasn’t possible when I was at that age…up until last Sunday. I found out that he was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl and having naked pictures of her on his computer. Same things expressed in the news made me flashback to when he did the same things to me. I have never felt so disgusted and wish I would have never knew that ever happened. I am now 24, the age he took away my childhood and wonder what the hell was he thinking… what the hell was I thinking? I feel so ashamed knowing that he is part of my history and wish I could take it back. Makes me wonder if I was the first or were there others before me. He is supposed to be getting 25 years in prison. If I would have gone to authorities back then he would still be in prison right now and him repeating his patterns would have never happened. I wish I had someone to talk to about this but I am so embarrassed and disgusted of myself that I don’t think my family or my boyfriend will understand.
6 Responses to “ “I want my childhood back”
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you were a child then and he took advantage of you. He was a a pedophile and he was wrong. You should not feel ashamed at all…you were young and impressionable. You should tell someone or talk to the authorities if you want…I’m not sure what that statute of limitations is on statutory rape but it may make you feel better to get it off your chest. God bless.
Your story reminds me of a guy that I met in Montana around 2001 or 2002. This guy had just gotten out of jail after doing almost the exact same thing around just the exact same time. He ended up marrying a social worker in Bozeman. I don’t think he ever spent more than a year or two in jail.
Oh sweetie!
Ive been in a similar place where all of a sudden you have the realisation that what you experienced was wrong… and it kinda freaks you out. Like all these years and you pushed it away.
You have to remember that YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. It is not your fault, you are not to blame.
It could probably be good for you to talk to a therapist or someone about this becasue otherwise it may just stick going around and around in your head.
I would hope that you could talk to your boyfriend about it as it could start to affect your sex life and relationship with him – again this is where the therapy help would come in.
I really hope you manage to come to terms with what happened and clear your head.
x
You were raped and this is a really hard thing for you to face up to. No matter that you said ‘yes’ you weren’t old enough to consent. It was rape and he is paying for doing the same to another girl.
You need to now get help for this. You have done nothing wrong but it is up to you to put your life back together.
You need to seek a counsellor or a psychiatrist who can help you work through this.
not to be controversial here but, it’s unclear if the writer was distressed at the time by it and if she wasn’t then, then leave it alone, if she wasn’t upset then then if by dragging it back up into the present it may make it a lot more painful than in the past. the person has gone to jail. by all means talk about it if you are upset because there was a crime committed but to over analyse and draw on every detail might do more damage. the writer is aware that this person’s actions were wrong now and it wasn’t her fault but hasn’t made it clear if she feels like it has affected her until the confrontation was forced by the news. i don’t know.
you can always seek counseling but the only one who wil truly understand and not hold your past against you is Jesus Christ. He forgives and forgets, if you ask him to. Your family or bf might understand you, or might not, but it isnt guaranteed because they are human beings. Jesus isnt a human being, he is God, and he will definitely lift your past from you and give you the peace that you are looking for. Look for him! He wants you to find him…