I Don’t Know Why I Did It

Posted by in Regret on Oct 17th, 2007 | 2 comments

You told me that sex was for after marriage. End of story. There was never any question as to what age was appropriate and what age wasn’t. I knew inherently. Still, a part of me wanted to know what it was all about. A part of me decided to ignore you.

So I did it at 16. And it wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either. So I kept doing it, right there under your roof, and you never knew.

When I finally got around to admitting it to friends, I told them I had sex when I was 18. For some reason, 18 sounded better than 16. Was it because of your incessant claims that teenagers didn’t know any better that had actually impacted on me? I don’t know. I just knew 16 sounded awful. And for the first time, I wished I hadn’t had sex back then.

It’s been quite a few years now. I still lie about it. I lie about the first time. I lie about the frequency of times in that first year. I make myself sound like someone I’m actually not.

But you still don’t know a single thing. To you, I’m not tainted yet. I only wish it were that way.

2 Responses to “ “I Don’t Know Why I Did It”

  1. Sherika (Jamaica) says:
    September 30, 2008 at 9:55 am

    The most important thing for u to do now is to ask God to forgive u for fornicating. He will.
    U can also forget the past now and try to keep urself reserved for ur husband. U can abstain..until he comes along.

    But remember to STOP lying..

    I wish u all the best.

    Reply
  2. not tainted says:
    March 17, 2011 at 2:34 am

    you are not tainted

    it was just sex and you were going to explore it.

    religious people work me up by calling sex dirty tainted etc.

    tell him/her you had sex.
    he/she can go jump into the lake if it wont make him happy.

    virgins are not holier than anyone else.

    be yourself.

    Reply

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