Haunted by the past
Posted by anonymous in Regret on Apr 15th, 2010 | 3 commentsI was 15 when I first started using drugs. Now i’m 19, in university and trying to move on with my life. I have scars on my arms from last summer when I injected ketamine regularly. Nobody knows except for a friend i used with, I’ve always been the perfect kid, even when using: lots of friends, volunteer work, president of student council, 90 and over average, cross country,soccer team,president of small student businesses. But I still dont feel happy with myself. I can never go out without a sweater, change without worrying about people noticing, or have a boyfriend because i’m sure he would notice. I’m so scared that they will remind me forever of the worst mistakes I ever made, and I’ll never forgive myself.
3 Responses to “ “Haunted by the past”
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It sounds like you need to give yourself a break! you made some choices you regret while you’re a teenager, it’s ok to, it’s better than doing it when you’re old and have lots more responsibility. it also sounds like you’ve moved on from it and luckily you’ve still got your life intact. lots of people have done a million times worse and they are still ok and they are human too. be thankful and look at the positives of all the amazing things you are fortunate to have, don’t let it haunt you forever because it’s not a part of your present now. when you meet the right people they won’t care or judge you for what you’ve done, they’ll only see who you are now. in order to move on i would suggest you talk to someone confidentially to get it off your chest because letting it go round and round your head torturing yourself will make it seem a million times worse.
I’m sure you are a lovely person, who, it seems, is trying desperately to make everyone around them happy; you’re at uni, you’re allowed to figure out what makes you happy for once.
Good luck :)
We all have scars , some on the outside some on the inside , dont worry so , its like the pimple that feels so enormous yet others dont even notice it
and if they do , just say its scars from the past no more no less , so your not lying etc ,
I also have scars all over my arms from being a cutter for years as a teenager. Now I’m 26 years old and they’re always there, reminding me of *my dark past. But I’ve come to appreciate them as a reminder of what I’ve overcome. Now when I see my scars I think about how strong I am for making it through that tough time in my life. I don’t cut myself anymore, and I’m in a great healthy relationship with a person I love. Once you accept your past, you can move on, Don’t try to hide who you are and what you’ve survived in this life.