Drunken night of regret
Posted by Anonymous in Regret on Apr 19th, 2011 | 8 commentsIn the week before my wedding I went out with some friends from work and had a lot to drink. I ended up having unprotected sex with one of the guys and am so ashamed of myself. I just dont know why I did it. I’ve not told my now husband as I’m sure it would destroy him. The guilt is huge and I guess it’s what I deserve. I wish I could go back and have the night over again.
8 Responses to “ “Drunken night of regret”
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that is good you feel guilt. it means you have a conscience. forgive yourself. you are human. you made a mistake but you learned from it. do not tell anyone. in time you will feel better.
You can’t change what is done. Just focus on what is important now, your family
let it go! theres nothing you can do about it now so forgive yourself and learn the lesson!
On one hand I’d say don’t tell anyone, keep it to yourself because otherwise it’s just adding insult to injury, because honesty is not always a merit and you would again be asking to cause pain over your selfish behavior to essentially clear your conscience.
On the other hand, I don’t think I’d be the kind of person that could sit on that and live with it. The fact that at that moment the relationship I intended to spend the rest of my life with had just become a lie.
So with that said, I think it’s better to tell, he’ll probably be pissed, not be able to look at you for quite a bit if at all…and then you’ll move on to actually find someone better that you don’t have to destroy yourself to be around. People aren’t meant to be slaves to themselves with life depts for misdeeds. Depends on the kind of person you are, I guess, eventually it’s just going to come out though.
Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t tell. Think of it like your last fling before you tied the knot. As long as you are faithful in your marriage, that’s what really matters.
Secrets like that have a way of growing in you. That secret will consume you more and more as the years go by until you end up blaming him for everything that’s wrong with your marriage… when it’s you that’s holding back on him.
Secrets such as the one you hold on to are one of the things that make marriages stronger. It sounds counter intuitive but “feeling sorry” lends to you always giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, listening, and appreciating them. It is not always bad to have a secret that is all your own. In fact, if you have learned your lesson there is not much to gain from telling your secret except inflicting pain on the one you love. It is selfish. Best of luck.
SS, your sentiments are contradicted by 30 years of documented, peer reviewed, scientific research into relationships and commitment (and the nature of love). You’re clearly shooting from the hip about something you have little experience with (except maybe that you’ve cheated too).
That kind of a secret held by the betrayer inevitably and invariably leads to mistrust of the spouse, rather than ‘the benefit of the doubt’. *THAT* is counter-intuitive, and a FACT. It happens 100% of the time. SHE will eventually not trust HIM because of this secret. It also fosters jealousy (in the liar), increases the amount of lying the liar finds acceptable, impedes honest and open communication, and eventually generates resentment on behalf of the liar in that they feel like they have to lie (about everything) to “protect” the spouse. Eventually, the liar will hate her life, feel like she can’t talk to him, and will be *blaming* him for the marital problems and disconnect. He’ll have no idea what’s going on or what caused it, and without the truth he’ll have no way of fixing it.
The only reason a person has to NOT tell their partner that they’ve cheated is to protect themselves from the consequences. Furthermore, not telling him who he really chose to spend the rest of his life with is the most selfish thing she can do. It protects no one but the her, and it only protects her from the shame and embarrassment of what she’s done to him.