I am an escort. I am a crack head. I am fat. I am ugly. I am dirty. I am depressed and I hate myself. I get beat up by my loved ones physically and emotionally. I am a scammer. I am a liar. I went to cascade school and it never helped me. I went to suws and it was all a lie.

No matter how much you wish you can never go back in time and change the things you’ve done. No matter how hard you try its not what you know, it’s who you know. It never matters what you do, it only matters what people see you do. You can not fly. Dreams are called dreams because they are fantasy and can never be real. You are not allowed to feel pain or be sad, because it’s considered feeling sorry for yourself. Cops will not help you when you need it, they just want you to be another tick on their list. All firefighters are drunks and druggies. The more you plead for help, the more you won’t get it. Men can not truly feel love.

If there is a god, then I am going to hell. If there is a god, then he hates me.

no one is watching, when you’re dead you are just dead.

12 thoughts on “Beth

  1. Hey, Beth

    I hope you haven’t given up since you last posted. I too am a former student of Cascade, and I have had my share of struggles since leaving. I have found that writing about my experiences has a profound effect and can help to understand and move past things that hold you back. You of course can never change the past, but you also do not have to be defined by it.

    Good luck,

  2. i have to tell you and i feel pretty bad about this since you sound pretty depressed already but, when you start looking at things more positively (mostly yourself) you’ll feel more positive about life. im not sure why you feel everyone’s out to hate you, but life should be cherished and just because it sucks now, doesn’t mean its gonna stay like that. If like is shitty, help yourself and make it better cause not everyone’s out to get you, people do care.
    best of luck

  3. He loves you with a crazy love… and once you’ve experienced the love of God you will never be the same again.

    Forget everything you think you know about Him, forget anything people have told you – start talking to Him, ask Him to help you, to speak.. and He will and you’ll realise that He sees you.

    He sees you.
    He feels your pain. He has all your tears in a bottle and remembers everytime you’ve smiled.

    His arms are always open and He can heal your pain.
    He sees you.
    He can turn it around.

    He only made one of you…. and you are precious.

  4. Dude, I agree with the fire men and police. Fire man got me deep on drugs and my ex wife was on the police force. Her and her partner were dirty as all get out. Most police are, I really hate to say it.

    So, wtf anoniman. I feel beth

  5. You need to start over. Sell all your belongings and build your bank acount and move to a different state or even different country.

    Become a survivor, and forget about the past. The world is so huge, you are just pinned down in your crappy city. MOVE NOW !!!

  6. boy do you have a bag ful.
    men cannot feel love?
    police will not help yu?
    all firemen are druggies?
    you get to beat up your family?
    the real question is do you really want help?
    you have a “reason” to repel everyone who might remotely be a help to you.
    FYI- I am a man and I feel love vey deeply.
    In your case, you have to love yourself enough to let people help you.
    Police and firemen are NOT the people you need. They “uphold” the law, fight fires, etc….
    They are NOT in their place to be support for those who have problems like you.
    look to social support groups, family (if you have any that care for you) and even churches.
    you just have to be open to their help.

  7. Wow, there is still life on this planet. Kind and caring people. I actually feel a little bit of hope now. Writing about my life sounds good, I would definitely like to take off this back pack.

    thank you everyone

  8. holy moly you have got a downer on yourself! well, if you’re that down, think of it this way – the only way now is ‘up’. if i were you i’d get out like dancing classes, you know, salsa or something or join other groups where you can socialise. when you meet someone, don’t go straight into telling them about your troubles or they will run a million miles from you, because most people have enough of their own. I know that sounds awful, but lets face it, it’s true. when you get to know someone enough, then, you can share your worries and troubles. I myself am an Astrologer and have been for 15 years and I have learn’t that life is full of cycles and unless you break the bad ones and run with the good ones, well they just keep coming back, because it’s all about lessons! deep down we all know our problems and where they come from but you have to be truly honest with yourself and admit and come to terms with who you are ‘good or bad’. astrology has opened many doors for me and answered many problems and taught me to realize that life is a school and we are in it to learn lessons but, unlike school you can’t bunk off or skive because things catch up with you and then you are in trouble. so, in short, face it – deal with it – and live! good luck

  9. Don’t give up.

    Those two places you went to were / are scams. There are no therapy based on your needs.

    Unlike others you survived SUWS. Your parents didn’t get you back in a bag. You are not a name on the too long list of kids who have died in wilderness programs. Give yourself appreciation for that.

    There is nothing to say about Cascade. It was just warehousing of troubled teens – Nothing else. Some believe that attack threapy called “rap” at the church that invented them help. They don’t.

    I believe that we can be whatever we like to but we have to stop to please people. We gave to stop care about what they think of us and our choices.

    We to truely start fresh we need to get rid of all that emontional stuff, which drag us down. I would recommend that your simply write the story about your youth down under an invented an invented name so it can leave your emotional backpack.

    You have as much the right to walk upright and proud as the rest of us.


  10. For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God !! You can change, pray and ask God to help u.

    Good Luck !! God Bless

  11. It’s never too late to change. I know, i’ve been there. I’ve hit rock bottom and did not think it possible to go back. It took me a year to get up the strength to finally seek the much needed help. If you are sincere in your post, then you will at least try to straighten out your life. If you show the strength, your friends and family will gladly help you out. But you MUST have the strength to start out on your own. They may not believe you until they see the effort you’re putting into it. Seek out a counselor, preacher, or a friend or family member who is willing to help you get started.

    It’s never too late to change who you are. I used to visit nursing homes with my youth group as a teenager, and you’d be surprised at even old age, there are still people who decide to change their life. For them, it was more of just a spiritual change. But if someone that old…someone lying on their death bed is willing to change their life, then someone like you can as well. You just need to find someone to help you find the strength you need. Don’t give up on your life just yet. I wish you the best.

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