I have failed.
For twenty-three years I have given little back and taken so much more. I thought only of myself. I have created my own crippling problems that continue to hinder me. I continue to fail my college classes. I have an electric and acoustic guitar which have been untouched for over three years. I quit my job because I got lazy and fed my father a fabricated story.
I have no drive. No motivation. No desire. I am a pathetic dreamer who just sits on his fat butt and plays computer games.
I am a dishonorable son who constantly sins against God. God who sacrificed his only son and will forgive any and all sins as long as I am willing to repent. I have yet to repent for a long, long time.
I have grown complacent, soft and weak. Small minded and selfish.
I am ashamed knowing my parents deserve a better son than I. Everyday I put up a facade to cover my shame. I’m just playing on the computer while swapping windows to cover up my unhealthy habit of procrastination. I try to fight it, but it wins almost every time.
Yet, here I am in this good home with my good parents and a merciful God. A belly full of food, warm bed. I didn’t have to struggle and fight through poverty. These are all given to me freely and not wanting anything in return. I am a disgraceful freeloader.
Father, mother, I do not deserve you. My dishonor is your dishonor, my noble parents and I am so ashamed of the pathetic man I have become. Every birthday card reminds me of my shame. Thinking of my grandparents makes me want to hide in a corner. Going outside my house feels like a spotlight is always shinning on me, my naivete and inexperience will surely reveal their ugly heads for the pathetic worm I am.
I am a very disgraceful son. At the very least I keep it to myself.
I tried to kill myself . I failed and ended up going into a coma. I woke up after a day and puked like crazy. The following months after that were some of the roughest of my life. Its been almost a year now of therapy and meds. I don’t cut or hate myself anymore. Sometimes I feel old feelings resurface and I talk it out with a close friend. To those struggling with any mental disorder. It does get better. You just have to let it get better and try to fight for it.
i live in seoul and ive killed too many people so im sorry.
Skin color, religion, nationality etc was never an issue for me. In my family we have many many different people from different countries and I was raised to respect every single person regardless of his/her sexual orientation or cultural background. I’ve done this all my life.
Until I moved to Africa (3 different countries) 2 years ago and turned racist. My contract will end next year and I can’t wait for it because of 2 reasons: first to get rid of all these uneducated people who have not the slightest idea of hygiene and social behavior and second to get rid of my racist thoughts and go back to my old self.
Nevertheless, I still think that, as long as red blood is running through our veins, we ALL have the same rights and duties.
god, please help me get out of this mess that i have created myself. i need you to please help me. i have realized my mistake and i am extremely sorry to the people i have hurt and broken their trust. please god, help me. only you can fix this, please help me get my life back. thanks.
[Remorse]: I woke up feeling lost and guilty this morning. I met up with an ex-boyfriend last night. He contacted me and asked to catch up. We have not seen each other in over 4 years. I saw that he was married on Facebook but figured it would be nice to catch up see what he had been up too we had dated in our early 20’s and now as we are approaching our 30s. We met up and it was surprisingly good, the conversation was natural and friendly and we talked about the past a bit and why we broke up. I asked him about his marriage and he seemed embarrassed at first but later told me that he had married his mother sisters daughter so that she would be able to come to the states. He seemed pretty distraught and regretful about the decision and has apparently told his family that he wants to end the marriage because its a sham but his family is pretty set on him continuing the marriage and hoping that “they end up liking each other” (which i find a little gross but that’s his culture). He told me that the women he married–his wife is still trying to make the marriage work despite from what he tells me he continues to communicate to her that he does not feel the same way and did this to help her. She is currently not in the US from what i gathered appears to be dragging out the paperwork process on her end to come to the US.
In that same conversation he told me that he had always wanted to contact me throughout the years but figured i would not give him the time of day. Lastly he asked if i would wait for him as in give him some time to fix this situation so that we can have a chance. He also told me he felt awful that he was even posing this idea to me ( he looked like he was about to cry at this point so i figure he was being honest he had never been the type of person so be openly emotional.)
He ended up sleeping over my house as he drove 30 minutes to meet me and didn’t want to risk the possibility of getting pulled over since we had a few drinks at a local bar around where i lived. And we slept together…
Now I feel like a like a complete idiot and guilty because at the end of the day he’s married and i knew that. I have no idea what i’m doing.
Can I confess something?
I greatly wish that my mother would have aborted me. I am a burden to my family, myself and society.
She had me in her thirties and is still married to my father. I did not come from a broken home. I did not have a horrible family life. My mother and father love me and provide for me.
Instead I am trapped in a mental hell that not even counseling has helped. I have been on several medications. I am a loser who depends on family to support me financially, because even the thought of getting a job induces panic and anxiety. I am lonely. I have no friends. I’m fat. I am thirty-one and I have never been in a relationship. I fear being alone for the rest of my life. I am different. I wanted God to rescue me. I wanted things to get better. I prayed for years for change. For God to change my heart. He has not. Things continue to get worse.
Please think again when telling people how bad abortion is. It is not. Because I could be with Jesus this second if she had aborted me. Now I am here, born, on earth, and suffering every second of my life.
Abortion is not all bad.
Three years ago, I “lost control” while driving, and drove my company car straight into a mountain wall. The car was totally ruined, yet I miraculously survived all-but uninjured (a battered thumb I couldn’t really use for about two week was the worst I got, amazingly). My boss told me “not to worry” about the car, he even provided me with a new company car a few months later.
Everyone thinks it was an accident, but it wasn’t. I’ve never at one point felt glad about not dying that day. Life sucks.
I tried to kill my best friend. I manipulated her into suicide attempts with me. I am such a bad person. I didn’t know what I was doing at the time. My head was everywhere. I’m on medication now. I thought everybody, including her was against me or out to make my life hell. Now she doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I don’t blame her. I wish she, or others could understand that it wasn’t the real me at the time. But now I don’t have anybody… I shouldn’t have done what I did but it’s done now.
I’ve spent 18 years pretending to be someone I’m not that I have no idea who I even am anymore and I feel like I rotted away on the inside and I die inside a little more every day. There’s nothing left worth trying to save. I deserve to die, and I feel like I’m ready to.
I feel like I am slowing sinking into depression. I used to be optimistic, bubbly, determined, social, etc but the person I am probably going to spend my life with is sucking that all out of me.
He is controlling, verbally abusive, insecure, jealous and completely dependent on me. Even when things are good I’m just waiting for them to go wrong.
I think I totally ****** my life up and I know I don’t have the courage to change it. Every day I dream of leaving. I don’t even want to be with someone else.. I want to be ALONE. I feel like I could do amazing things if I were alone. If I’m not dreaming of leaving, I’m dreaming of dying… because I dont know how else to get out.
If i left, I know he’d have nothing and I truly believe he would kill himself. I can’t do that to his family, who I love like my own.
So i go on every day, taking his abuse, catering to him, doing everything to keep him happy while I am slowly rotting from the inside out. I had to write it own or else I will explode.
I broke up with my ex 12 years ago, but we stayed close friends – though, we don’t see each other often. I’ve been in a relationship for ten years and my ex has been in a relationship for the past four. Yet every time we visit each other, you can cut the sexual tension with a knife, and we have often discussed what it would be like if we never split up, and that we really shouldn’t cheat on our significant others, but we’re dying to be entwined in each other sexually and romantically.