Mindchanger

I feel like I am changing my mind every other week. I make decisions and follow through with them for a few months but find out I’m really not happy or stisfied with them. I lost 60 pounds, got out of a toxic relationship, had surgery and fixed a major pain and I have a terrific son. I am secure financially but why can’t I find happiness. I feel very empty and alone. I’m 45 educated and have compassion for those less fortunate than I am. I just can’t figure out what the hell I really want.

I hate pretending

For the first time in my life, I’m in love, and he has no idea. I’ve had long term relationships before, but this man is only a sex friend and I care more deeply and intensely for him than the guy I was almost engaged to, and he has no clue how much I feel for him.

My life regret and mistake

This is hard for me to even write down, I have dreams,aspirations for my life.I want to go to college and get a degree,make money and provide. I am the sweetest,nicest girl you will ever meet. Sadly my dreams may never come true. You would never believe what I have done, what they call “the oldest proffesion” I put ads on craigslist for prostitution. I sold myself a few times for money. I couldn’t find a job I got fed up and wanted quick cash, silly and naïve me to think I could make something out of it,I was so selfish.I got caught and now have a record.This haunts me, I will never run from this its in a simple bckrnd check. I feel like a loser, worthless, I will never overcome this. I have no clue what to do with my life or where to go. God I hope my husband never reads this.

A mistake

I feel like I’ve made a mistake. That I should have married another person 11 years ago. But I made the best choice I could at the time. I think about the other person every day. It tears me up inside and I feel like I could have had the partner I have always wanted to share my life with. Soulmate, if you will.

Now that person is forever gone and I am stuck with someone who is awkward and with I barely feel a connection with.

I’m so confused

I have a secret urge to be a teenage mother. I’m not sure why. I think because so many girls get pregnant and abandon the baby or leave it for the grandma to take care of. But I know I wouldn’t be like that. And don’t say “oh yes you would” because no I would not. I want to be a teenage mother because I know I’d be responsible enough and I want to prove to everyone that I’m stronger than they think I am.

I couldnt help but to do it

It was crazy I just wanted to be friends with this guy I met at work 2 months ago. But the more I hungout with him the more I started to like him.He has a girlfriend and I wanted to be with him and I wanted to have sex with him. And it happened to come down to us having sex it was wrong but I only wish it didnt feel so right. He’s so amazing and funny. He’s so sweet and thoughtful and…he’s 9 years older than me. Knowing this is wrong to want to be with another woman’s man.But I really just want this one.

Where to begin and where to end…

We fought a lot when we first got married, because you still talk to your ex…my sister. I knew all about your relationship with her because you told me and also the fact that you still can’t forget her. She contacted you again through emails and cell phone behind my back…we fought all the time..I turn to a co-worker..he was nice and knew all the right thing to say..but he was also married..story short..you ended for good with her and suspected something was going on with me. You ask if I’ve ever slept with him? I said no, but I lied..We did it more than once. We broke it off..he moved to a different area at work, but now he’s back to where I am..we’re back to where we started..and guess what? I don’t have any guilty feelings.

Stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for four and have a 6 year old son. He is a wonderful father and financial supporter to us both, however the relationship between the two of us has died. He shows me no affection whatsoever and we haven’t had sex for 2 years. Ive tried talking to him about it, but he changes the subject or leaves the room. Emotionally, ive already left him, but now i’m struggling to go through with the physical part and leave the home with our son. I have no job as I rely on him for financial support and no family locally. Its now at the point where I really wouldn’t want him again if he asked. I’m 45 and can’t face the rest of my life stuck in a loveless and sexless marriage.

Guilty in marriage

My husband is the best husband in the world. We will have been married for 5 years this december. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter…

I have been unhappy since we got married. I dont think I wanted to. I was 19… and I think all I wanted was a party. We tried to make it work, but I am just not attracted to him. I am still trying to make it work. We dont hate or argue… I have just lost that thing.

So.. the story is… In May 2011, we had a major blowout. On the edge of divorce. It wasnt an angry battle. We spent the day deciding what we would do. I was upset, but just because I felt lost. The guilty part comes because I have been talking to this guy for a couple weeks. It was my husband’s former co-worker who came out with us a few times.

The first time I saw him, I was just whew, blown away. The amazing thing was that we were both the same. Wanted the same things, acted the same, loved the same things. I just fell hard for him. We texted and talked for hours. Staying up until 3am. Had phone sex and all.

Then the decision for divorce. The guy I was talking to urged me to work it out.. that my husband is the love of my life and i cant give it up.

Me and the guy met up one day to talk. We ended up spnding hours together and making out. It was amazing.

We havent spoken since.. and I cant get over it. I have started going to a psychiatrist since then in hopes of sorting things out.. but I just cant get him out of my mind. AHHHHHHHH

I Feel Empty…

My name is Sparky, for the purpose of anominity but also to give a personal touch to what I am writing. I am a 17 year old boy and basically, I have lost the will to live.

I lack the social understanding and emotion required to function properly in this world. I cannot form relationships, I cannot feel peoples pain, and I cannot feel happy. Every day I go about pretending I’m okay, but the truth is I feel nothing but hurt and regret. I’m a waste time and space because I lack the motivation required to achieve things. I misiturpret the most basic of social cues and for those reasons I have never had a friend, let alone a girlfrined. I simply can’t see the point anymore. Out of the millions of sperm that could have made it, all those people with the potential to be something great, I was born. And I hate myself for it. I haven’t been hugged in four and a bit years (my parents don’t like me enough to.) I feel like an alien. I don’t belong in this world and it gets to me more and more every day I continue existing. Therefore surely I deserve the quiet and comfort of death, if not because of what I’ve been through then surely because I’ve done nothing to deserve this so caled “gift.” Nothing to contribute to the world I live in.

I write not because I seek attention but because the last spark of humanity inside me is telling me that I need help. Therefore,I ask of it here. If anyone can explain to me why I should continue to live, then please comment something. I feel empty, and I need to be whole again more than I know.

thank you

You must hate me now.
Though, I still love you and am thankful I met you. You were my brother, we just found ourselves at a point where your feelings and my own were a bit much. Whereas others would see you as the strong and secure survivor of war, I saw a guy trying to accept death in hopes of sparing the ones he loved. While I was seen as the wealthy, arrogant bitch- you knew about the struggle for me to love after years of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse without me even saying anything. That feeling of love you swore you understood, and I tried ever so hard to recognize is probably what drove us to the edge. Not lust, or romance, just love. I may have know right to say it, but I cry now. You once asked if I thought my tears were cheap to you. When I asked to sleep with you, it was so I could spend just a little more time being able to feel your hug knowing I was safe there and you’d demand nothing from me. Thank you. You taught me what it is to love honestly. I hope I didn’t erase the faith you said I built in you for people- one even I lack.
I have good friends here…but I miss that warm feeling you gave me by being with you.

Kind of lost

About 12 years ago I rapidly got into a relationship with a girl. We hit it off perfectly, the relationship went on for a little over two years. We parted ways and it was one of those break-ups that just happen as fast as we got together, not bad on either side no real reason to be honest. For about a year and a half she called me between 3-5 times a week and we talked just like normal with the normal love you and good byes at the end of the conversations. Just all of a sudden we stopped talking on the phone. The odd part is in the last ten years or so I’ve not been able to bring myself to be with another women. No matter how much I try to psych myself out and say I can do it, when the time comes I just don’t feel right and completely close myself out from everyone. I still find myself looking at our old pictures and in tears at least three times a week. I don’t know what to do and it’s killing me inside.