I hate him touching me

I’m 18 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. At first everything was fine, we had an active sex life that we both enjoyed. As I got more ill and had to take more pills; anti depressants, anti anxiety, my sex drive slowly slipped away. Right now, I have no need for sex at all, and haven’t for several months. My boyfriend finds this difficult and sees it as a reflection on him, so I try to just have sex with him anyway. But it’s so difficult. We had sex today. He would call it “making love” and he found it very emotional. I was so detached and just wanted it to stop as soon as it started. I don’t know how to make it better.

i am so ugly

i am so horrible that all males in my high school treated me as monster.
i was rejected by my peers because of my figures.
I had a illness that contribute to my horrible figure, and i never recovered
no one want to be close to me , to understand me, coz i am ugly.
i am not going to be loved , not to mention having a boyfriend or getting married
god is so unfair, the beauty has everything, the love, the fame ….
while i have nothing
Every time i love someone , i am waiting to be rejected, coz he will only like the beauty

i hate it!

Suicidal

I am married I have 3 kids and still I feel so alone. I wake up every morning disappointed to be alive. I look in the mirror with disgust, hating what I have become. I do nto go out in public anymore as being around other people only enrages me. The mere thought of being around people makes me cringe. I think of only dark things, death, murder,and suicide. I find myself disgusted by the world around me and wish to see it cleansed from the earth. My sould seems dead, but yet I breath. My attempts at death only result in fear of how I would hurt my wife and kids. My attempts at life only bring me closer to death. I pray for death, but am still alive, if only in the biological sense.

Wishing It Had Happened Sooner

I’ve been married for just over a year; we’ve been together for almost five years. I love my husband. He is an amazing person. He loves me and cares for me. He’s everything I could ever ask for. But I’m afraid I am more than willing to throw it all away because I’m still in love with another guy. I have been for years, but I had lost touch with this person for a long time. We’ve recently reconnected and every deep feeling is still there. There is nothing wrong with my marriage, or my husband, but I find myself wishing that this reconnection would’ve come two years earlier. I would choose the other guy.

I cheated on my husband, because he cheated?

I been married for almost 3 years, no kids. My husband has cheated on me in my entire marriage. I just found out 5 months ago about his affair and he confess it.. I could not get over him cheating, I forgive him but haven’t forgotten. For me at that time was revenage, But now I feel sick thinking about what I did. He does not know about my affair(s). Twice. I just don’t know if I should tell him?, I know myself..I wont ever get over his affair. I don’t know if i should just leave him?, or stay with him? Just

prisoner to my own family

For the past three years I have been friendless, and for the most part confined to my home. Although we’ve moved three times the routine is always the same. These walls of my house feel like my cell. I have no freedom. It takes me back to being a teenager, when I was grounded to my room weeks on end, and the emotional wounds produced from the social isolation are alarmingly familiar. Here I am, married with two small kids, I stay at home. We are limited by one car, my husband works an hr away so I can’t just drive him to work and have the car for the day- gas costs too much, and most the time he works 8:30am-9:30pm. I feel completely socially isolated in this new city. Just me and the kids again today, its always the same routine. I’m bored with my life! I miss my old life of excitement and being spontanious and feeling sexy and fun! I miss being happy. Im 26 I shouldn’t feel this way! I feel my internal light dimming every day. My family is poor, we can’t afford to go DO ANYTHING entertaining, My husband works 6 days a wk so that doesn’t allow for much family time anyway. We can’t even afford a babysitter for a date night. Hell, we don’t even know a babysitter anyway. All I can ever think about is, How can i fake my own death so I can sneak off and do whatever the heck I wanna do? But in reality that would break three ppl’s hearts and I can’t live with that. This is hopeless. I know I should be thankful for what I have But I can’t find those feelings. If there are so many wives/mothers that are lonely like this ( i’ve read other postings online)Why do I still feel all alone? I honestly don’t know if I can take another day like this.

Ungrateful

I’m unable to express gratitude towards my boyfriend of 2 years lately. In fact, I feel resentful towards the relationship, as though it is weighing me down. I’m used to up-rooting, and quickly.

I’m also resentful of the fact that I’m not at liberty to fully express myself. I work in the sex industry (I wear many hats), and he works a well-to-do management office position. Needless to say, our jobs are like night and day. He’s uncomfortable hearing about what I do, and wants me to make all these changes: stop sex work, go to grad school, and drop the group of creative folk friends that I have. I feel like I’m the bad guy, and always supposed to make the compromise. He met me through this industry! I feel like this is all hypocritical.

I love him. He’s helped me recover from a rape incident, been supportive of my actual art work, but I feel as though I’m unable to speak. He’s a good person, but why do I feel like I don’t deserve him? I don’t know what to do.

I want to leave my family forgotten in the dust

I hate my parents because they never gave me a healthy childhood since they ignored me. I find my mother annoying because she romanticizes the idea of having a loving relationship with me and acts as if she knows me when speaking to others but she won’t even commit to me as a person. My father on the other hand blames me for everything that went wrong with his life (or at least this is how I interpret it to be). They ruined my high school years by moving me to an isolated area where I had no friends and was bullied by the other students. Because of this I have become extremely introverted and unemotional. I failed my first semester of University because I didn’t want to go there in the first place. I want to save up money and get a nose job so that I don’t see my mother every time I look into a mirror, then I want to change my name, move away and go to a Culinary Institute where I can follow my real passions. I want to live a meaningful life and I can’t stand my parents because all they care about is their bank accounts. Once I save my money I’m hightailing it out of here and never speaking to them again, they don’t deserve that privilege.

Can’t walk away…

I let a complete loser, who plays me for a fool, control my happiness in life. All for the sake of not feeling alone. I hate that I let this even go on. The only thing I hate more than letting this go on, is no longer having control of my happiness. I know i deserve better. I can’t bring myself to walk away, because I’m afraid once he’s gone, my happiness might never come back. I don’t know if better is really out there… I don’t know what’s worse anymore: staying, or leaving.

Eating a bullet

There are so many days that I think about suicide, and how I would do it. I think about who might care and who wouldn’t. No one knows the hurt I feel because I cover it up with a smile. When it all comes down to it…I don’t think I would ever have the courage to follow through.

29 Not Happy

Not happy with my life.. I feel I am living a lie.. Do I love him? Do I want to go through with this marriage? Is this just cold feet? I wish he knew the things to say when I need reassurance… Can I count on him? If I’m asking this does this mean that I already have my answer?

I’m 28 and losing my mind

I’m a 28 year old single mother of three, and I’m losing it. The problem isn’t that I have kids, or that I’m a single mother; I’ve gotten used to both, and can honestly say I don’t regret having kids, however of course, I do regret not getting my life together before I had them. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, many of them financial, so I can’t sit back and say I’m one of those “wonder moms” who made it all work. I lack a lot of energy, patience and will power, so this trip has been pretty hard for me. I tried to send my kids to my moms for a year so I could have a breather and figure out what I want, but I wasted all that time working, hating it for the most petty reasons, and collecting drama.

There is only one answer to all of this, and it completely stresses me out because I know it’s the only thing that will work: My life needs a complete over haul.

What pisses me off the most about myself is that I have known this for the past three years, and have moved at a glacial pace to make a change. It isn’t that I don’t want to change, it’s that I’m not entirely sure how, and secretly there is something I don’t believe in about myself.. it’s weird. I believe in myself and know I have talents that deserve to be fostered, in fact I know if I tapped into them I would blow myself away, but it’s getting to the place where I can tap into them that I can’t seem to achieve.

I really do want the best for my kids, I really do. I want to nurture them, be there for them and foster their talents because mine never were, but breaking the cycle of crap I have learned since I was young is really hard. I feel like I don’t want it enough, that I don’t want to change enough, and that makes me feel even crappier. I mean if I wanted it enough I would have done it by now, right? This guilt is even more counter productive, and holds me down even more.

I hate myself for not jumping on more opportunities when I had them, and for letting them go for stupid, petty and immature reasons. I hate myself for not being stable enough to live without roommates who are here to witness all my parenting fails. I hate myself for hating myself.

I need to learn to love myself.. but how?