i hate her..

Dear C,
\I hate you so much. and its not like u have done anything, but ur just too perfect. flawless everything. and i hate you for it. i wish you just would die in a hole, so i don’t have to get all worked up when i see you in the halls. I wish i could be you so much, i cry almost everyday cause my life sucks. really.

From the bottom of my haert,
S

I Can’t See Myself

I thought about it for a long time, and I went to therapy for disorderly eating behavior. I’ve gone through so much, learning the best way to keep myself in the perfect image of what society thinks of as being beautiful. And after losing ten pounds, I looked in the mirror, and all I could see was how much fatter I was than before, but I kept looking at my ribs and just realizing that I could see them. I couldn’t before.

I’ll never see myself as beautiful. I can’t.

Unspoken

I am not satisfied by my husband in bed. I have tried and tried but something isnt right. I feel unsatified. I cheated on him but now I want more

I absolutely hate him

Everyday he tells me im shitty. He tells me he wishes I was dead. I have kept every single thing he has said or done as a grudge I dont care he is the shittiest father in this entire universe. If you had him as a father you would want to kill him as well

i hate my toddler

I have the 2y/o from hell. she hits me bites me throws things at me screams/yells at me all day everyday for the last 6months or so. Anything she ruins belongs to me she wont touch her fathers things and shes always getting into things she never goes near when her father is home. we had to put a lock on my bedroom door to keep her out of my makeup and jewlery which she has broken/lost and colored with and now i have to wake up at 545am because she destroys the house while im sleeping since she wakes up before my husband leaves for work every morning at 6am.the minute anyone else is around she completely changes into a perfect angel. i have thought about leaving and signing myself into a mental hospital or drugging her into a zombie like state. she is making me crazy and i hate her so much i dont even want to look at her.

friends

i’ve done many things i regret, and now im paying for it with not having any friends, the 2 girlfriends i had i basically broke up with on my own, one was a crazy,somewhat socially awkward yet thoughtful person, the other a drug addict yet sweet and beautiful. and out of jealousy, from being hurt by them and out of being crazy myself I have no friends, just my boyfriend’s friends. Im all alone and its been over two years, i made peace with them, but now i have a cell phone that only rings when my lover or my family is calling.
its a hard to deal with and think about.

Loner in the class

I’m all alone. Sat on my chair in the class while my friends went out to the canteen. Listened to the music on headphone while my friends had fun. I always feel that they left me behind, exclude me from everything they did together. I tried to get close to them, but I’m too afraid. I just keep thinking that my friends hate me. I’m smart in the class, but when they asked me about the subject that they didn’t understand, I just can’t explain it well to them. They misunderstood that I didn’t want to explain it and began to think that I’m arrogant and selfish. Maybe that’s why they hate me.

Thought it was the end…

I’m 27, female, depressed suicidal cutter.

I tried to kill myself a few days ago. I had a fight with a coworker, it upset me. I went to the bathroom to cool off, started crying and had the urge to cut my wrist. I tried. I had the blade on my wrist, pressing as hard as i could and sliding it down my arm, but through the tears I couldn’t see any blood.

Maybe it was my subconscious telling me I wasn’t ready to die.

But some days I do want to die.

I love my grampa

My grandfather married my grandmother almost 40 years ago. He took in a retarded teenage step-son and a drug-addicted teenage step-daughter. They never moved out of his house. Neither did I.

I know this isn’t where he wanted his life to go. He probably dreamt of retiring with my grandmother and having the house to themselves, without annoying, crippled, soul-sucking children. Even my friend who moved in has said that I, included with my mom and uncle, are probably a huge regret to his life.

He’s more miserable nowadays. And I’m too scared to help. Too scared to even see or talk to him, much less my grandma. I’m jealous he loves my friend more than me. I’m scared he knows I’m as useless as I really am. Because I love him.

I’ll say hi in the morning.

I wish I were perfect..

Every time I look in the mirror I want to cry. I can’t make friends because I am so insecure about my body and my looks. Each time I try to get into shape, eat healthy, and do something about the looks that I’m so insecure about, I can’t. I can’t because I get depressed and mopey and eat.

I had a boyfriend who told me I was stupid every day. I lived with his family and him for five months and became a total mess. He was controlling and jealous. He left me for a prettier girl, and told me that the only reason he was ever with me was because he didn’t have any other options, and that he was lonely.

I’m with a new guy now, he’s absolutely wonderful… but I’m extremely jealous. I get mad every time he wants to hang out with another girl, touches another girl, smiles at another girl, comments that a girl looks nice. I can usually keep myself under control, but when it all builds up, I just can’t help it. It has caused too much trauma to our relationship.

I fear that my insecurities, my jealousy and even my personality will force me to live alone for the rest of my life, and all I’ll have is a couple of cats and my work.

My Close Friend is Getting Married

And I don’t feel jealous of the man (he’s ugly) but he shows no interest in being friends with me. I don’t know why, I was the one who got her to do online dating in the first place. They wouldn’t have met if not for me! It’s all happening very quickly and I guess I’m afraid of losing yet another woman to “marriage land” because all these women think that IF I CAN JUST GET MARRIED EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. yeah, right. I think I’m jealous that at 40 years old she can still get daddy to pay for the wedding. My father is dead. She just seems to get EVERYTHING: apartment bought for her, father pays mortgage, mother buys clothes for her…and my family is dead, nothing comes easy to me. I wish for just this time in my life things would come easy to me. I really do.

Should I tell him that I’m the one who betrayed him??

I met an amazing man several months ago and we began dating. He’s smart, attractive and ambitious. He also happens to be a pastor of a local church– not the one that I attend. One day he revealed to me that he has an infant son out of wedlock who lives out of state with the mother. He also said that he has no intention of revealing this to the church.

Fast forward a few months and the relationship is starting to deteriorate. I see that he has no intention of committing to me although I want him to. He wants to continue to see other women. Out of anger I contact his supervisor in the church and let her know about the child. She says that I can remain anonymous, but that he could lose his job. It’s clear that the supervisor has not yet approached him with my information because he’s still acting normal toward me.

I’m now starting to feel guilty about potentially ruining this man’s life. Although we’re not dating anymore, we’re still friends. Should I give him a heads up and let him know what’s about to happen or keep my mouth shut? If I don’t say anything, there’s a chance that he won’t know that I told. He’s told several friends about the baby so any number of people could have snitched. Help!