Secret Confessions

I like it when you say you only sleep with me because of how I look and want nothing to do with me relationship-wise. It makes me feel so good about how I look, I take it to mean that I don’t need to have a fantastic personality to make up for mediocre looks to get guys. Because you are beautiful, and I stare at you in your sleep.

I’m 14 years old.

I have been self harming for almost 2 years and I’ve been suicidal twice.
I’m not scared of suicide because I don’t have the guts to do it. I doubt I ever will. I love my friends and family too much.
That makes me sad. Because no matter out I will never escape. I’ll have to live through it all.

People think I’m too young to feel anything and that I’m attention seeking. They don’t understand.

About a month ago, I ended a three-year relationship with my fiance. I thought he was the one. I thought he would be the one to help me leave my pain and sorrow behind. I thought he would be the giver of love and joy for the rest of our lives.

I was wrong, and once again, I was betrayed, and this time the hurt was greater than anything I’ve experienced. All because his pride and ego are too important to him.

That’s when I discovered: In these past 3 years, I have lived my life the way he wanted me to. I like what he likes. I act the way he acts. I think the way he thinks. In short, I have completely replaced my own unique identity with a clone of the man I now loathe with all my heart and soul.

My friends all told me to find someone to help me get over my heartbreak faster. However, I no longer want to depend on a man, and I no longer want to have someone hand me happiness and joy on a silver platter. Those are things I need to discover myself. So until I rediscover my identity, personality, passion, and most importantly, my self-esteem, I have sworn off all men.

It has been 2 months since I made this committment. I am still in the process of searching for me, but I love every minute of it, and it feels GREAT to have power over my own self again!

He loved me and I never felt anything towards him. But when I told him the truth I became afraid that he’d leave me. I’ve been alone before and it’s just bad. Sometimes I feel like I love him, but most of the time I feel cold and even harsh with him. I think I hurt him too much before. He’s a great person but I’m not, I don’t feel adequate for him.

i am sick and tired of the pain….why cant you just see that i love you…???do you know how hard it is to pretend that i don’t feel anything when you hug or give me a kiss on the cheek?I WISH THAT THIS WILL ALL STOP…i tried spending some time away from you but it made things worse.I DON’T WANT TO JUST BE YOUR BEST FRIEND….and on top of that you are dating my other close friend…god will this pain ever end???

I’ve been a soldier for 6 years now. I’ve been to this place 4 times now. I’ve seen things that would keep most of you awake for the rest of your life. In all of the time I’ve spent here I only wanted my wife to love me, but as soon as I left the first time she started to party and see other people. She even moved to another state and didn’t tell me. When I came home she didn’t want anything to do with me. When I could get home she would leave. She didn’t even want to talk to me. The next time I deployed she didnt’ even write me letters and she continued to party. When I got home she didn’t stop this time. She would go out and sometimes not come home. She would come home drunk and demand sex. She was voilent and was always getting phone calls and texts from other men. I just kept on trying to love her because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Even though it hurt, even though I didn’t want to go home I stayed there. We fight over everything and she’s so untrusting of me. If I dont call every day she sends people to see what I’m doing. I hate her. It took so long to realize that I did but she’s ruined my brain.
Skip to now, I met someone eles. She’s 5 years younger than me but she’s so much woman. She’s beautiful. She’s more beautiful than the mountains, more beautiful than the sunset or sunrise. She’s more beautiful than anything god has ever put on this earth. She’s the most pure and real person I’ve ever met. I love her. When I say it I actually feel something inside. When she says it to me it’s like magic. Someone here told my wife about it. She went crazy and told me she would take our son away and I’d never see him again. I can’t let her do that because non of this is his fault. We tried to stop seeing each other but as it didn’t work. It’s too strong. Well it was until the rumors around here started. See I’m her superior, we can’t see each other for so many reasons…once the rumors started it was annoying…but then they started to hurt her feelings and she started to get angry..she took it out on me. She doesn’t want to see me anymore. She was gone for awile on another mission..we talked on email and messenger, but then she stopped. Now she’s back and she’s cold shouldered me every time I’ve tried to even say hello. I love her so much. I thought I could keep this all down but I can’t. I can’t even come close. We went to pick her up and bring her back to our platoon..as soon as I laid eyes on her it all came back up. My wife, she forces me to stay and play house. I hate this life. They say you might get lucky and find someone that you’re actually supposed to end up with. Someone that God wanted you to be with once in your life. Why did we meet so late? Why did I stay with my wife? Her name is Rebecca..the name even means lovley. She is everything to me and she doesn’t even want to talk to me. I reclassed into this job from an all male MOS. I thought I was so badass, but the second I met her she’s always been able to shut me down. Have you ever known anything that was so beautiful it could actually stop you in your tracks and make you forget what you were doing? I can’t even stand in the same room with her without my lips starting to tremble. I promised her after the last rumor that I wouldn’t come around her like before…but I thought that if two people loved each other they could find a way to talk…she wont even look at me anymore and I didn’t do a god damn thing to her except tell her that she’s beautiful and try to make her feel good every day of her life. Even when I was mad at her I could let it all go so easy. Maybe she didnt’ love me as much huh? I would have left my wife for her if she hadn’t found out and used our son against me. It would have been the first thing that i’ve ever done for me. I know that I made her feel horrible. We talked about all the places we would go together and things we wanted to do…and now none of it can happen. I just wish that wishing worked and she would find it in her hear to atleast smile at me. I hate my life.

I loved for the first time in my life and the girl cheated on me… I gave her everything, everything I can but still she hid things from he… I wish she died.

I hate my dad. He married three times… Divorced the third one and is still married to my mother and my step mother. I really hate him for kicking me and my mom out, but I love him a lot because he never kicked us out of his life.

I hate God… Everything always tends to go wrong with me… But I love him, he protects me always…

I hate myself, I am always having a fight with my split… I have no one else to talk too…

I want to end my life but I have no courage.

I have been sleeping with your brother ever since we have been together. We fool around every chance we get. And even had a threesome with him and his boss in the toilets at the pub. I have also cheated on you with M several times and I still cant get him out of my mind.
I am never going to do it again.
Im sorry all of that is what it takes to realise that you are the one I want to spend my life with.
Never again.