Secret Confessions

you know that one song you really liked. the Japanese one with the really melodic guitar? i learned it for you. i spent hours every day, getting it perfect for the next time you visited, but three days before you visited i got my finger cut off and as i sat in the E.R. with my finger in hand my only thought was “how will i play it for her?”

why was i so bone headed when i was 13. im now 17 and have been locked up for 2 years and 3 days. i live in a group home and i hate it. i thought it was cool to not listen and now i live with 9 other females. some of whch are cool but others are hateful. i havent seen my dad since christmas and my mom sice i was 13. won’t see her till im 18. i hate that i messed up my teenaged life cuz im right behind my 18 year old sis locked up unti your 18. i’ve been getting locked up sice i was 13 and i hate it. now what do i do

I don’t know whats wrong with me. I constantly find my self fantasizing about my husband having sex with other women. Just the idea of it gets me very aroused. Usually, I imagine him having sex with a random woman but, more and more I fantasize about him having sex with some one we know like our friends, an acquaintance (like one of my children’s teachers), or even my sister. Frequently when I meet someone new I immediately imagine what it would be like to see my husband to make love to her. I am totally afraid to discuss this with him or anyone for that matter! My relationship with my husband has never been better. I have never had any homo-erotic feelings either. I worry about it a lot. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I used to cut myself… I am trying not to do it but its really hard not to. Mainly because of all the pressure that has been put on me. And I hate where I live b/c my mom and stepdad. My dad moved away from me about 5 years ago and he is the best thing to me and my bf whom I love so very much is moving away in about 3 or 4 months. I am afraid I might start cutting myself again. The guys at my school aren’t making it any easier on me…. I fear cutting again but I don’t think I will beable to stop myself from it. I don’t know what I am going to do…

I love you so, so, so much. I really need you to be there for me. I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I know for sure you’ll never want to talk to me again. I really want to tell you so bad, but I don’t want to lose you.

I don’t know what to do…I really like someone @ work and its kinda a long story..try to make this brief…I transferred into this new dep’t and right away instant chemistry with him…we laughed all day and talked all day..he would buy me things…but i couldn’t tell if this was b/c he was being friendly and nice/generous…but really liked him..well still do…anyway..heres the thing..sometimes he would flirt with me..it would turn into teasing and then kinda insulting…but I would come back with whatever he would say..I find this fun..I think he did too…anyway..a supervisor put an end to it…I think alot of people didn’t like how our banter was…but the supervisor wrote an emaill about his so called “sexual harrassment” on me but it was nothing of the kind…anyway i got nervous..talked to a girl in the office and she mentioned to me that I liked so an so…I felt kinda naked about it so i said I didn’t like him that i have a boyfriend…well it turned out that the situation goto really bad..the weekend came about…monday morning arrived and the guy I like got mad @ me..(i think b/c that girl told him I had a boyfriend)…anyway.and he was standing there with the supervisor (he is friends wit h the supervisor) and he started in on me…I didn’t want it too get ugly and I was just protecting myself..so I went to a higher authority and told him about this e-mail and how I didn’t like how things were being handled..seeing how the guy I like and supervisor are friends..I felt my job was being threatened..anyway I think things are calming down..but I still like this guy…I guess I will never know…

I havent been able to get a job that i would be proud of and currently am without any, it hurts because am a law graduate and everytime i apply nothing comesthrough. i have thought of ending my life because not having a source of income this long has affected my confidence and personality, i lie to people by talking alot but really i want to end my life real soon.